where do i go from here

AoifeR · July 2015

I've definitely got babies on the brain but i've also got a road block (or 4). My husband and i have two boys, 3.5 and almost 2, after the second was born my husband got a vasectomy. We were sure we were done, i'm a stay at home mom and he's the sole bread winner, and we werent making a ton of money back then. We thought it was the smartest thing to take care of our boys the best we could and figured we could maybe adopt one day if we wanted another.
Well here we are almost 2 years later (a lot has changed for us we bought a house, DH makes way more money now after a job change) and I want another....adoption will run us about 20,000 to 35,000 a vasectomy reversal about 9,000. The other road blocks are we really want a girl,and i would rather have another baby ourselves but DH is really scared of doing the VR and negative side effects (he read online about a guy who did it and now had pain with every erection)
I guess my question is what would you do?

Xstatic3333 · July 2015

I don't think anyone can answer this question except the two of you. If it were me, I'd probably defer to H on the VR. That's a really personal thing for him. For adoption, the two of you can research, soul-search, and come to your own decision and then figure out the financial side.

I would leave wanting a girl out of it. There's no control over that if you conceive, and I don't think adoption agencies look kindly on sex requests. I'd only move forward if you want a fourth either way, which you probably do, but your wording is open to interpretation. GL with deciding your next step.

Designermomma · July 2015

Unless you do IVF maybe? Perhaps they can extract his sperm and make an embryo with your egg. You can choose the sex but I believe I've read each treatment costs about $10,000 and it usually won't work on the first try.

lalala2004 · July 2015

Anything you're going to want to do is expensive, and I probably wouldn't do any of it if I were in your position. That's just me, though.

Snoflakes4eva · July 2015

You say you want another baby, does your H?

RiverSong15 · July 2015

You only want another baby if it's a girl? having a boy would be a road block? This attitude disgusts me - I'd take a healthy baby, any baby.

MrsRo731 · July 2015

Considering the price, I probably wouldn't pursue either option. However, if you both really do want another and have the funds, I would adopt. If you want to naturally conceive, your husband will have to be totally on board on the reversal and it sounds like he's nervous/unsure. Also, there is no guarantee you'd have a girl, so I would leave that out of your decision. You should have a baby because you want a baby, not because you want a girl. Obviously this is a decision you'll make with you DH, though. Good luck either way!

amandarins · July 2015

That's a tough choice, but logistically I'd say adopt.

little_bren · August 2015

Foster to adopt (babies)?

Katm89 · August 2015

I would just adopt, not worth the risk to me to have DH in pain during sex

HookEmNelson · August 2015

What a situation. Keep talking with your husband about what would be best for you as a family.
If my husband presented that he had doubts about a VR I would completely support that and ease his mind. Pain with every erection would honestly kill our moods during sex. I would not risk it.
Good luck!

AoifeR · August 2015

yeah we are not going to risk it...we talked a lot about it all. and we will keep talking about it. But for now we have decided to do foster to adopt when our sons get a little older. Thanks for your help!

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