Gift Grabby

fletcherj1 · July 2015

I am so confused what is this concept? If people don't want to come to your shower they don't and that goes the same with gifts. I have read this in several post especially when people say they want to throw their own shower. Can someone please explain where this doesn't sound insane? Thanks

OliveOyl2014 · July 2015

A baby shower is a gift giving event. If someone plans their own, it screams "just give me all the presents." It's considered rude to throw yourself a gift giving event.

And people don't have to come to your shower. Or bring a gift. But unfortunately some feel like they have no choice, especially close friends and family. So you are essentially putting them in an uncomfortable spot, where they don't want to come, but feel like they have to.

wassuphoes · July 2015

fletcherj1 said:

I am so confused what is this concept? If people don't want to come to your shower they don't and that goes the same with gifts. I have read this in several post especially when people say they want to throw their own shower. Can someone please explain where this doesn't sound insane? Thanks

While an invitation is not a summons, some people feel very uncomfortable declining them. Maybe it's your sister and everyone in the family will talk if you don't go, maybe it's a good friend of yours and you don't want to upset her despite feeling very put off by how she's acting, maybe it's your niece and you don't want your sister bitching at you for the next year until she gets over it. And as pp said, a shower is a Gift giving event. If you throw it in honor of yourself, you are basically asking people to buy you presents. Now then. It's human to want gifts. It's human to want attention. But you don't have to throw your own shower to get those things. Even without a shower people are going to want to buy you gifts (shit, I haven't even gotten an invitation for my cousin yet and I've been picking up stuff for her already, she's not due until early october, I don't even know if she's having a shower) If you want attention, well, surely you've been getting attention for the duration of your pregnancy, but you could throw a Sip n See or Meet the Baby party once you are comfortable with guests around baby.

PrimRoseMama · July 2015

fletcherj1 said:
I am so confused what is this concept? If people don't want to come to your shower they don't and that goes the same with gifts. I have read this in several post especially when people say they want to throw their own shower. Can someone please explain where this doesn't sound insane? Thanks

It's been explained ad nauseum...

PrimRoseMama · July 2015

Also-- I feel like this is ban-bait to see who gets upset. Search the boards. It's explained over & over again in rather sane ways.

fletcherj1 · July 2015

Thank you for those that responded. I just did not see it that way because my friends family nor myself look at it that way.

PrimRoseMama said:

Also-- I feel like this is ban-bait to see who gets upset. Search the boards. It's explained over & over again in rather sane ways.

As for you I stated I read the boards no need to get rude. I am not trying to post something to make people upset if they get upset at a question or get rude that is a personal issue. Throwing a shower is no different than throwing yourself a birthday party so no it did not make since to me. Who gets upset over a question they did not have to respond to? Anyways have a wonderful day.

KateLouise · July 2015

fletcherj1 said:

Thank you for those that responded. I just did not see it that way because my friends family nor myself look at it that way.

PrimRoseMama said:

Also-- I feel like this is ban-bait to see who gets upset. Search the boards. It's explained over & over again in rather sane ways.

As for you I stated I read the boards no need to get rude. I am not trying to post something to make people upset if they get upset at a question or get rude that is a personal issue. Throwing a shower is no different than throwing yourself a birthday party so no it did not make since to me. Who gets upset over a question they did not have to respond to? Anyways have a wonderful day.

When you throw yourself a birthday party, do you register for gifts and include registry information in the invite? I'm guessing you don't. In which case the birthday party is not so much a gift giving event as a celebration. I don't think anyone expects gifts at their birthday party once they reach adulthood. .

A baby SHOWER, by virtue of the name itself is about showering the mother to be in gifts. Yes it's a celebration of her entering motherhood, but it's standard protocol to register for gifts and include registry information in the invite.

If you want to host a party for yourself and explicitly tell people what gifts to buy you, well...then...knock yourself out, but standard etiquette says this is rude.

In the same way Christmas is generally accepted to be a gift giving holiday and most people give gifts, no one puts their gift registry in the invite for Christmas dinner at their place.

didi808 · July 2015

Wow I can't believe this is a thing. Seriously I think it depends on where you live. EVERYONE throws their own shower in Miami, some even charge their guests (in addition to a gift), and even if you're having another baby Of the same sex as your first, you still throw another shower. No one complains about it, it just is.

OliveOyl2014 · July 2015

didi808 said:
Wow I can't believe this is a thing. Seriously I think it depends on where you live. EVERYONE throws their own shower in Miami, some even charge their guests (in addition to a gift), and even if you're having another baby Of the same sex as your first, you still throw another shower. No one complains about it, it just is.

Maybe they don't complain about it publicly but I'm pretty sure they are silently judging. If I want to give you a gift, I would do so without having to pay a cover charge to get in to your baby shower. That has to be one of the craziest things I've ever heard. "Please buy me gifts, and also bring cash so I'll actually let you in to the party."

Sassenach1743 · July 2015

didi808 said:

Wow I can't believe this is a thing. Seriously I think it depends on where you live. EVERYONE throws their own shower in Miami, some even charge their guests (in addition to a gift), and even if you're having another baby Of the same sex as your first, you still throw another shower. No one complains about it, it just is.

I'm shaking my head at this. Seriously, ANY party that requires the guests to pay a cover charge for their plate is TACKY! You just don't invite guests to a party and then tell them to pay for themselves. If you're going to host a party of any kind then you assume the costs of said party, period. I can't believe that charging a cover is a thing in your area. Why anyone would go along with that and then perpetuate the trend by doing it themselves is the evolution of tactlessness. Sorry.

delujm0 · July 2015

didi808 said:
Wow I can't believe this is a thing. Seriously I think it depends on where you live. EVERYONE throws their own shower in Miami, some even charge their guests (in addition to a gift), and even if you're having another baby Of the same sex as your first, you still throw another shower. No one complains about it, it just is.

This can't be real. There is no way on earth I'd ever pay a cover to attend a gift giving event, even if it was in honor of my own sister. Utter nonsense.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

didi808 said:
Wow I can't believe this is a thing. Seriously I think it depends on where you live. EVERYONE throws their own shower in Miami, some even charge their guests (in addition to a gift), and even if you're having another baby Of the same sex as your first, you still throw another shower. No one complains about it, it just is.

I live in Miami, born and raised. No one in my circle (large family and a lot of friends) have ever thrown their own shower or charged their guests to attend. And you can believe if someone did, she would get side eye. Big time.

didi808 · July 2015

Don't get me wrong, I hate the cover charge thing. I'm just saying, it's worse than just girls planning their own showers where I'm from. So planning your own shower is no big deal to me!

MyCousinVinny · July 2015

didi808 said:

Wow I can't believe this is a thing. Seriously I think it depends on where you live. EVERYONE throws their own shower in Miami, some even charge their guests (in addition to a gift), and even if you're having another baby Of the same sex as your first, you still throw another shower. No one complains about it, it just is.

See, this is where I would throw etiquette to the side and speak up about how completely tacky and rude this behavior is. Charging your guests?! Are you freaking kidding me?

That invite would get a big, fat NOPE from me. And I wouldn't even send a gift.

Why do people enable this behavior? In addition to the show 'Bridezillas' there should be 'Momtobezilla'. I'm sure we'd see some really deplorable behavior from some super speshul snowflakes.

didi808 · July 2015

Even when people ask for diapers I feel like it's an "entrance fee" and bothers me tbh.

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

I've been to plenty of baby showers, but I have been to only one where it was specified who threw the shower. Unless someone asked or it is a family member, we usually don't know who throws the shower where I'm from. At least in my specific area, anyway. Personally, I don't care who throws your shower... I treat people the way I would like to be treated, or at least I try to. If I really really really disagree with the way they are throwing their shower, like the whole entry fee thing, I just won't go. But I really don't care about who throws the shower... I don't think it's that serious. Yeah, the event itself is a gift from the host for the mother and father to be to get more gifts, but it's a celebration.... and most people traditionally give gifts at those parties...so I know I don't see it as a big deal. Neither does anyone I know.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

@Jonesy288 Usually the person you RSVP to is the host, if the invitation doesn't clearly say Hosted by: Sue, Mary & Aunt Betty (for example).

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

DylansCandyBar said:

@Jonesy288 Usually the person you RSVP to is the host, if the invitation doesn't clearly say Hosted by: Sue, Mary & Aunt Betty (for example).

Oh yeah... that was a total duh moment for me. Thanks for the reminder.

VOR · July 2015

didi808 said:

Don't get me wrong, I hate the cover charge thing. I'm just saying, it's worse than just girls planning their own showers where I'm from. So planning your own shower is no big deal to me!

So you ARE, in fact, complaining about it.... Or backpeddling. Which ever you want to call it, I guess.

VegetaElPrincipe · July 2015

@DylansCandyBar I noticed you on several baby shower boards discussing etiquette. I am curious as to what your sources are. Do you just search the internet? Is there a particular site to use or a book I can purchase? This is a serious question btw. No snark or anything intended. I'm just interested in learning about these unspoken and seemingly variant rules. Thank you

Snoflakes4eva · July 2015

Jonesy226 said:

@DylansCandyBar I noticed you on several baby shower boards discussing etiquette. I am curious as to what your sources are. Do you just search the internet? Is there a particular site to use or a book I can purchase? This is a serious question btw. No snark or anything intended. I'm just interested in learning about these unspoken and seemingly variant rules. Thank you

Emily Post is a good place to start.

ETA: A lot of etiquette is common sense. Mostly, host people properly.

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

@snoflake4eva... See now that comment was almost helpful until the ETA section. It came off rude, maybe not intentionally, but it definitely read with some snark.

Anyhoo, although it maybe "common sense" in your opinion, and that of many others, I'm sure the etiquette varies depending on cultures, traditions, families, locations and so on. That is why I asked the poster I tagged for her sources, that and because I have seen her very often giving baby shower advice. So, even though you may have been trying to help...the last section overshadowed. I'll take a look at Emily Post's Baby Shower stuff though, thanks anyway.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

Jonesy226 said:

@DylansCandyBar I noticed you on several baby shower boards discussing etiquette. I am curious as to what your sources are. Do you just search the internet? Is there a particular site to use or a book I can purchase? This is a serious question btw. No snark or anything intended. I'm just interested in learning about these unspoken and seemingly variant rules. Thank you

Emily Post is a good place to start.
ETA: A lot of etiquette is common sense. Mostly, host people properly.

This, but I actually have a preference for Miss Manners. What is put out in the name of etiquette on behalf of Emily Post by her decendants would sure have her turning in her grave.

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

PocketFullofShells said:

I have to ask

Are @Jonesy288 and @Jonesy226 the same person?

Yes, I had made two different accounts and totally forgot about it. So when I logged in on my phone, I was on 1 account and on another on the computer. I stopped using Jonesy226 once I realized the difference in the names. *Shrugs*

Everycol0r · July 2015

There's nothing wrong with a bit of snark.

And a friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd boy in several years, and has completed a registry to which she's posted on FB earlier this week. And has everything on it. EVERYTHING. Stroller, car seat, crib, clothes, bibs, pack n play, high chair, etc.

Gift. Grabby.

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

Everycol0r said:

There's nothing wrong with a bit of snark. And a friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd boy in several years, and has completed a registry to which she's posted on FB earlier this week. And has everything on it. EVERYTHING. Stroller, car seat, crib, clothes, bibs, pack n play, high chair, etc. Gift. Grabby.

She posted it on fb? See that is something that I find tacky.

DrillSergeantCat · July 2015

Jonesy288 said:

Everycol0r said:

There's nothing wrong with a bit of snark. And a friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd boy in several years, and has completed a registry to which she's posted on FB earlier this week. And has everything on it. EVERYTHING. Stroller, car seat, crib, clothes, bibs, pack n play, high chair, etc. Gift. Grabby.

She posted it on fb? See that is something that I find tacky.

That screams "I don't necessarily want you in on the celebration, but buy me stuff anyways!"

CCasey2015 · July 2015

Jonesy288 said:

Everycol0r said:

There's nothing wrong with a bit of snark.

And a friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd boy in several years, and has completed a registry to which she's posted on FB earlier this week. And has everything on it. EVERYTHING. Stroller, car seat, crib, clothes, bibs, pack n play, high chair, etc.

Gift. Grabby.

She posted it on fb? See that is something that I find tacky.

This! Why did she post it on FB?!?!

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