Feeling depressed, hopeless, lonely, defeated

kcde3314 · July 2015

Hi.. I'm 36, pregnant with 3rd child. I have an 11 yr old and 7 yr old. All my pregnancies were planned. I'm a lesbian and my partner and I did at home insemination from a donor. I live my partner very, very much but I feel so incredibly lonely I almost don't know what to do. Her job is stressing her out and she gets depressed sometimes but I feel like I'm all alone in this. She works, then comes home and takes at least 3 hour naps every single day. I'm a stay at home mom and miss her alot when she's at work. Yesterday she laid down before the kids and I even got home, which was at 2:30 pm, and stayed in bed until 9 pm. when she got up, I was so upset. We got into an argument because I let her know how I feel, I feel lonely, like I have no support at all emotionally, and I need her more. I cried so bad. I'm very depressed right now due to hormones and just general pregnancy worries. I told her I needed her more. Fast forward to today, she laid down at 4:30 and is still in bed, and its 10:09 at night. I've tried getting her up twice, and she just says she's tired and continues to lay in bed. So here I am on a Friday night, spending it completely alone in a quiet, dark house. The loneliness is almost too much to bear. I need her so much, her hugs, support, and to just be there for me, and I'm not getting it. I've cried myself to sleep lately. To top it off, my family and parents don't agree with my lifestyle of being a lesbian and think I'm going to hell, and I'm wearing off of 20 mg of Lexapro. I'm really in bad shape right now emotionally but I'm trying to be strong. Am I over reacting or expecting too much of her? Being too needy? How would y'all feel if your husband or partner just wasn't there for you? I really need someone to talk to, any words would help, I'm reaching out for support. Thanks :-(

JLaVO888 · July 2015

Sound like you could use a good hug. Hopefully your SO will be able to help you out some more. Try to find something you can do for yourself to feel better. Sorry you are feeling so down.

Stormiewinter · July 2015

I am sorry that you are going through this. This is a great place to reach out for support and a great place to be able to talk with others and feel a little less lonely. As far as you and your partner it sounds like you are in need of a professional counselor. There seems to be a lot going on there and more support than what internet hugs can provide seems needed. That being said, Just because one partner works does not excuse them from participating in the household and with the family. In the summer dh works and I am at home, but he is still expected to have dinner with us, help look after ds, cook, cut grass etc. I try to carry a little more of the weight, but we are a team and try to spend as much time as we can together. Even if it is just an hour after ds goes to bed to catch up on dvr.

HollyGirl1212 · July 2015

This sounds more like serious depression for her. Sleeping all the time is a side effect of it.

The thing with depression is that often times, you aren't even aware of how bad it gets and how much you are hurting the people you love.

AshKazmi · July 2015

I agree with PP. My mom has depression and when she gets in her dark days she can't see anyone else's problems. I think couples counseling is a really good idea. She can figure out what's going on with her and finally really hear you. Hope things get better for you and the kids.

mommytobe2122 · July 2015

@kcde3314 sorry to hear these I do understand you well yes you need someone more than usual when you are pregnant but don't make yourself depressed for this because she is working and that is why she is tired as I see. There can be a solution if she just changes her job to daytime normal job so she can be at home for nights and you can spend more time like normal families maybe you should offer this but if there is a fact that she needs to work this way try to be supportive. And hey you are not alone

you have your kids around you don't you? So try to spend quality time with them and stay calm to make stabile your health conditions for your new baby! They are all planned so you wanted them right? You love children, so be with them

don't you worry about your partner and her job don't waste your time with crying you are blessed with 2 kids and a baby just enjoy it. Maybe your family issues the real facts that make you sad but it's unfortunately true that not every one understands your choices, so its their lives and this is yours you don't need approve for anything not at this age! They can be more supportive and be there for you but hey if they don't do this its their lost. Grandchildren is grandchildren after all no matter if they have two moms or two father. I hope you feel better now

finesse10986 · July 2015

I agree with what a few people have said - it may be good a good idea to enlist a professional. It sounds like your partner is struggling with depression and may not even be aware of it. I don't think she's doing it on purpose but that doesn't make what you're feeling any less real or any less important. My husband and I went to marriage counseling early on in our relationship and it did wonders for our communication skills with one another.

cveliquette · July 2015

I agree with previous posts, sounds like shes got something going on too. With pregnancy its all about us, and its hard to not judge how our partner "should" feel. I told my dh a few nights ago "Im feeling stressed" hoping for a conversation. He relpied, "well you shouldn't be, thats silly" and went about his business. In retrospect, If I wanted to actually talk about something I should have said it differently like "Im stressed about finishing school" and he could have given proper input. Even though we are the pregnant ones, we need to think about our partner's sanity too. They can be effected by our hormones and feel like they aren't helpful, thus putting them in a temporary depressive state. If I was you, I would start by making a list of all of the things that you appreciate that your partner does or has done for you. Read it to her when she gets home and you have a few mins alone. Try to take out negative emotions and statements out of your relationship for a couple days and see where it gets you. Yes this requires controlling your hormone induced rants, but generally people dont improve their mental state when focusing on the negative, or what their not doing. Try not to put her down for laying in bed or not helping. Try to appreciate her and love her. If she shows no improvement and does not want to talk about her feelings after a few days, then I would bring up seeing a professional.

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