Daycare--best way to tell my mom

Knottie22779748 · July 2015

Hi Everyone--
DH and I have decided to put our little one in daycare full-time after I go back to work. There are many reasons for this but mainly revolves around having a routine and other options not being as favorable...see below.

This decision will crush my mother. Although I don't think she wanted to take care of the baby full time I believe she has some level of expectation that she would part-time. I have several concerns with this:
1. What happens when she goes on vacation with my dad? We are stuck and don't have backup. They have a retirement house in Aruba and spend 3 weeks there every 3-4 months.
2. My mom is always sick. Definitely not her fault as she has always had a crappy immune system--so what happens when she's sick and again we are stuck without care?
I'm really nervous to tell her our decision and want to approach it in the best way possible. She will take it very badly if I bring up the "you're always sick" reason and so asking the group for their insight and experience with this?

Thanks!

sbegnaud93 · July 2015

Well I know for me, I want my babies to have social interaction so we are doing something called "mother's day out." You can choose either two or three full days a week. It's a lot cheaper and my babies still have the personal attention of their grandparents on those few days!

Twindling · July 2015

You don't have to give her reasons.
I wouldn't bring it up unless she does.

BUT if you insist, I would include that you have found a center that would be great for socialization, has multiple teachers so you don't have to find back up if someone is sick, and maybe (if your center does) include that it would go through preschool and you wouldn't have to worry about wrap around care.

inomniaparatus · July 2015

Can you do a few days at daycare and a couple days with your mom?

MamaFroFro · July 2015

I get it. Makes sense. I'd enroll and pay for the daycare but on days she wants to watch the baby, I'd let her. We do something similar with our son and his grandma. Yes we end up paying for daycare days we don't use but 1. That's the price of securing your daycare spot and 2. The baby still gets watched regardless. And the best thing to do is to be honest with her. Let her know how daycare works (they expect a monetary commitment) and tell her you know she appreciates her holidays away and you want her to continue that.

Knottie22779748 · July 2015

Thank you all for your posts -

I think my mom would want to stay with us for a few days but that doesn't help the concerns I've noted. Even if she only takes the baby 2 days/week, I'm still stuck if she's away or sick - whether it's 2 days or 5 days. My MIL was a bit flaky with her offer to take care of the baby so we are not banking on any consistent care from her, otherwise it would have been ideal to have them switch off with weeks and then they could cover for one another...

FUN times!

VitaLuna · July 2015

I agree with @MamaFromero. Pay for all your daycare days , but let your mom babysit once in a while when she wants to. It'll be good for her, good for baby to get some one on one grandma time, and still secures your days for her vacations, being sick, etc.

rachrobertson · July 2015

I would tell her about the monetary commitment of daycare. I don't think that used to be around, so a lot of older people are surprised you only get two weeks vacation a year, but have to pay for the rest even if you child isn't there. I would also explain to her that she is one person and if she were to get sick and give you a last minute call, that could mean having to call into work for one of you, thus jeopardizing jobs. If one of the daycare people are I'll, the center can't call in on you, because they will find a replacement or merge kids if needed. Tell her the thought of that is stressful and you need consistency with your schedule. I'm sure she will be bothered either way, but if you are honest and have good reasons, she should eventually come around.

bamcity1023 · July 2015

Maybe she can watch your baby sometimes on the weekends so you and your husband can have a date night or something.

Knottie22779748 · July 2015

Thanks All for your comments, really appreciate it. I think it's definitely doable to have her "once in awhile" take the baby, even if it's a half day here and there. I can definitely see us eating up some of the $$ just to make her happy

RRC216 · July 2015

My mother in law just brought up to me yesterday that she plans on retiring and taking care of baby so I can work. I flat out told her no, its mine and Jason's decision and she will not be watching the baby. I will be staying home and when I am ready to work, I will have baby in daycare so he or she can interact with other babies. Really ticks me off when people try to make these decisions for me. Her sister even said ohhh yes Bridget will retire to take care of the baby. I have no problems being blunt with these ladies. I am sure your mother will understand! Just let her know she will still be needed periodically when you and hubby need a night!

purpletulip · July 2015

What about having her be the person you call when your LO has a fever? I know that with my friends that use daycare, an issue that comes up is that when the child has a fever, they're not allowed at the daycare.
So when that happens, either the mom or dad has to take a day (or days) off work.
She might appreciate being "needed"!

name1109 · July 2015

I might say that daycare is part of my villiage. I would probably at I greatly appreciate her support but feel strongly about daycare. As PP stated socialization is great! I'm a big fan of daycare.

I found daycare also pushed her in ways I wasn't expecting or thinking of. She grew and learned things I was very happy about.

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Daycare--best way to tell my mom

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