Mother in Law wants what??

CrystalRaquel2010 · July 2015

So my husband is an amazing man! Been with him for 5 years and this will be our first child. I am not close with my family. We love each other, but if we don't see one another for six months, none of us will be upset. My husbands family is the opposite. His mom lives an hour away and still has 2 out of her four kids living at home. Her kids are 28 and 29 years old and have kids of their own that also live there. They are a VERY close family. It drives me crazy, because i am not used to it. I say all this to put into perspective so you understand where I am coming from. I don't want anyone in the L&D room except for my husband. Even after, in the recovery room, i want it to be just him and me for a few hours after delivery. My mother-in-law told me she can't wait to watch the baby come into this world. She calls me every night to see if "i think i might need to go to triage" and "she would gladly drive an hour to the hospital to with me to see if i am going into labor". I am a very independent person, and it weirds me out that she is always checking on me and wants to be in L&D with me. I think she thinks she will be in the delivery room with me based off of comments she keeps making. I don't even want my own mom in there, let alone his mom looking at my lady parts. Is this selfish of me? How do I tell her i don't want her around until much later? Am i being over-dramatic when it comes to people being in the L&D room and Recovery room? Is anyone else going through this? AH

Bigboobsmcgee · July 2015

You need to just tell her honestly. Cut it off right now.

Someone else posted a very similar thread and I told them that I don't understand people not wanting visitors in the hospital after a baby is born. I loved sharing that with friends and family but it's entirely up to YOU what you are comfortable with.

With that being said, your MIL is clearly very excited as most grandparents are so try to meet her half way and give her the chance to be a part of this somehow. You said that her and her kids are super close so she's just thrilled to have another grandchild. That's it. Can you blame her?

tbasinski · July 2015

I have very similar family situations so I totally get it. My MIL is really a nice person, but I'm just not used to someone being so involved in a grown child's life! Luckily she hasn't approached me about being in the room, but if she did I would let her know that it will only be my husband and I. In fact, the only other people that will know we are in the hospital is whoever watches my older children. My husband knows that he needs to wait to notify anyone until I am ready, and no one visits until I feel up to it- and the older kids should obviously meet their sister before anyone else.

kmdendy · July 2015

Have your husband tell her! I only had my husband in the room when I delivered and it was so special! I let my parents and my husband parents in after she was born.. about 30 minutes after. It was fine. They are excited to and it's fun to share.

stephybee23 · July 2015

I have a thread pretty much the exact same situation. I am still weeks and weeks later trying to explain to my husband that I refuse to let his mother in the room during or after the birth. All I requested was to have the first day ( minimum ) to be left alone to bond with my baby . I am the same as you, I have even told my own mother and siblings not to fly over ( I am in Australia ) for the birth and not even the first month my boy is born. They still are so up tight about my decision but guess what, I don't care if their feelings are hurt. It's not the MIL's day, it's not about HER. I told my husband if he keeps whining about having his mother in the room I told him he'll be sitting with her in the waiting room and he won't be invited in the birthing suite if he keeps bothering me about it. I don't get why everyone thinks they have the right to be in the room , especially the MIL think they have special priority. I also don't think we need to justify our request. I told my husband if his mother is that angry about not being in the room then maybe she should have another baby. Do not feel guilty for not wanting anyone in the room, it's not about them, it's about what you want and how comfortable you are. I actually find it amusing how many people think they automatically are invited to be in the room during labour, it's not a public social event.

tpally6212 · July 2015

I come from a very close family and even my own mother hasn't asked or assumed she was going to be in the delivery room. It came up in conversation at my shower last week and she said "she's going to be fine, she has her husband, but if she does need me I'll be there" with that said I'd let your MIL down easy lol to me she is just so excited to become a gramma again and it sounds like she really cares about you and that's sweet.

cMichelle0423 · July 2015

Have your husband tell her. But make sure he does it soon before you really get her excited about something that won't happen. I'm the same way with this stuff. I absolutely don't want anyone but my DH with me until we're both ready for visitors. I don't want my in-laws starring at my vagina while I push my kid out, I don't want people I'm not close to (aside from nurses and Drs) "there to support me". No. Just no. To me labor is a very private thing. You didn't watch me conceive my child, so why should you watch me birth him/her.

CrystalRaquel2010 · July 2015

Thank you guys!

Leahauc · July 2015

My MIL also thought that she would be in the delivery room since she was with all her other grandchildren. As soon as I found out, I had my husband tell her that wasn't happening. And she's fine. If she wasn't fine, that's too bad, not her baby, not her delivery. You're pushing the baby out, it's about what you're comfortable with.

amp61470 · July 2015

We asked my mother in law to be there. We wanted another person there and since she is the babies only grandmother we thought she was the right choice. I am a little weirded out when I think she will see my girl parts but she is a great support and I love her. If I was just wanting me and DH I would still want her there as soon as she would like. I want to show off my
Little man!!

delujm0 · July 2015

I was happy to have visitors a few hours after DD was born. But there was no way on god's green earth that anyone but my husband was going to be in L&D with me.

Tell her this now so she can get used to it. Better yet, have your husband tell her. His mother, his problem.

acciocoffee · July 2015

I think you just need to shut this down the next time she brings it up. My MIL wanted to be in the room too. I just had to tell her that it would only be me and DH. She still is planning to be in the waiting room, but that's her choice. DH told her that just because she is there doesn't mean she will be allowed in to the room to see the baby as soon as she is born. We will still be taking however long we need before we allow any visitors.

NurseRieger · July 2015

I really don't get all these family members thinking they belong in the delivery room. Seems to be a common problem. Next time it comes up tell MIL u need your privacy and she can hang out in the waiting room. I'm very close to my parents and already told them my husband will call them when I'm fully dilated, no sense in being in waiting room for hours. No one should be offended by that, my parents weren't. Until the baby gets cleaned up L&D is a freak show anyway.

dogsombrero · July 2015

Here's what you tell MIL:

maiatene · July 2015

dogsombrero said:
Here's what you tell MIL:

Just like that lol!

jdsummerbaby · July 2015

I personally don't think people should invite themselves to the delivery room whether it be mom or MIL. The last thing you want is to be uncomfortable while your giving birth.

danixbanani24 · July 2015

My mom nor my MIL are requesting to be in L&D but I have a FRIEND, yes a FRIEND, who thinks she's going to get to "peek in on our labor room" and I'm just like HAHAHAHAHAHAH, why do you even think I'll be calling you when I'm in labor? sheesh, some people..

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