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3rd Trimester
mkeip
member
Baby shower disappointment...need to vent
mkeip
member
So i just want to start off by stating that I am grateful to be having a baby shower. I don't feel entitled to people buying me things. So with that said thanks for letting me vent about this as I am really struggling with my feelings about this.
FTM here 31Wks 6 days pregnant. I've really been let down by my family so far when it comes to my baby shower. My younger sister, who will be the godmother of our son offered to throw me a shower when i told them we were pregnant. I was very grateful and excited. I wish i never would have agreed to it. Instead of doing it at my parents house or at the typical places people do (restaurant, church etc) she made the invitations (to which she bragged endlessly to me and everyone else how much she spent on them. Shes an art major so she gets into this sort of thing) and brought them over to my house to show me. She lets me see them (this is 4 weeks before the shower date) and while they were beautiful I was SHOCKED to see MY home address as the place for the shower. Nobody asked me or my husband. I asked her why she would do this without even speaking to me about it and she just stated that my parents didnt want it at their house so it had to be at mine. She already put the invitations in the mail at this point. I was stressed because we've not lived in our house for long and none of my family has really visited except immediate family. My aunts are super invasive and very judgmental. The type that will go through every room without asking and make comments and then gossip about it later. The idea of having to get my house in order for such an event really stressed me out. But i didn't want to be "that woman" and appear ungrateful for the shower, so i took a deep breath and expressed that I was disappointed that she handled it that way (my husband was really mad but didn't say anything to her). she promised that since i would be well into my third trimester at this point that she would help me make sure everything was clean and I wouldn't have to do a thing. That made me feel better so I figured what was done was done and we moved passed it.
Next, i get a call in the early morning last week, awoken out of sleep at like 830am. my sister had been out with friends the night before. She tells me she needs me to get up and go meet my mom at the store because she is going shopping for decorations and i need to be there to make sure my mom doesnt get the wrong things since she is too tired to go. My mother was already on her way to the store. To be honest, I didn't really care what anyone picked out...again, just grateful to have a party so i said i was way too tired still, and could not be ready in time to meet her there, and to just let it go and have her get the stuff if she wasn't willing to go herself.
4 days ago I ask my sister what she had planned on doing for food. she says that my mom and her decided that my husband could be there and handle grilling out for everyone. Again, noone was going to ask or even tell me this had i not inquired. My husband works a lot of hours and has a very high level position at his job. That will be his one day off as there are alot serious things going on with his jobs (projects and initiatives etc) THE LAST thing i would expect him to do is cook food for a ton of people at a party that is supposed to be for his own family and without any notice. I told her that, that was not an option but to get whatever she wanted for food. She later let me know she got my mom to "handle it for us", like i was requesting something out of bounds. I thought it was customary that whoever was throwing the shower handled the food. I wasn't trying to be rude about it. and if they needed help (which my parents are VERY wealthy so they dont) but if they did, all they would have to do is ask me and give me a chance to prepare it. I also told her that the day of the shower it is supposed to storm all day so grilling could be a real problem. She had never even checked the weather. She was just going with the cheapest option and settled on it.
Now here we are....The day before the shower. It is 2pm. Supposed to rain today, and she has yet to contact me to come over and clean like she said she was. She and my parents live in the neighborhood 5 minutes down the street from mine. Today is also me and my husbands 6 year wedding anniversary. So what have we been stuck doing all day long? getting everything ready for the past 4 1/2 hours. I told her we were going out this evening to celebrate at a dinner. So she would only have until 5pm to do anything. My poor husband is stuck doing a ton of things after working 12 days straight because as you ladies know, at this point in pregnancy you are rather limited. But I'm still doing a ton of stuff. and im already sore and my husband is angry because of how im being treated and he feels he got forced to throw a party for his wife without even knowing it until the last minute. He is by no means mad at me.
Im really hurt by all of this and super stressed out. I feel so let down. It isn't about the stuff or being the center of attention. It's the total lack of care and concern everyone seems to be having for both myself and my husband. I tried to bring it up to my father and he just thinks im being too sensitive. Am I wrong about this? I really don't feel I am. TIA!!
Re: Baby shower disappointment...need to vent
Hope you can enjoy your day, OP.
Anyway 2 months ago when it was one week before his surf trip he decided to go behind my back and arrange with a friend of mine to do a surprise baby shower that weekend.
To cut a long story short, the day before the ' so call baby shower ' my friend calls me and says I'm just packing my car of all the party stuff. So I said what party stuff? She said for your baby shower tomorrow? I instantly died a little. I immediately go to my husband to address it and he says yeah isn't it great I've arranged for your baby shower to be tomorrow I was so mad I could feel my blood boiling. I instantly thought ' who the hell is coming considering 3 of my 10 only friends are out of town, all the others work nights'? He said oh yeah I know but there might be one or two people coming , I almost puked in embarrassment . He thought it was actually the best thing, I was beyond mortified and didn't even want to go. The next day it's around 5 pm and my husband says okay be ready in 10 I'll drop you around my moms house, and don't eat there's food there .
I was waiting and waiting , 6 pm comes around he finally brings me . Not to mention I hadn't eaten yet because I was advised not to, I get there it was finger food for starters and one of the three finger foods was a Indian samosa, I don't do Indian cuisine. , ever. So I was starved. Also 4 people showed up, 2 in which I didn't even know their names !! Met them once , like 5 months previous. And it was at his moms place and I wouldn't say she's my favorite. It was the most humiliating night of my life.
It only got worse that as the next week went on, the girls in town I genuinely really like kept asking either ' we must throw you a bay shower !!!' Or ' how come I never got invited to your baby shower ?' I literally couldn't of been more mad in my entire life. Thanks to my husband who obviously felt guilty going on a surf trip he felt he needed to make the weekend about ' me ' . That back fired. So I didn't get a baby shower technically and the one I supposedly did get made me cry my eyes out all night that night out of embarrassment .
**Removed for TOU Violation**
So I say scrap the cleaning and go enjoy your anniversary before your shower. I'm sure the shower will be lovely.