fiancé is thinking about leaving

mbarbano82 · July 2015

hello, apparently my hormones are so out of whack that I'm yelping about everything to the point where my fiancé is actually thinking about leaving because you can't handle this hormone imbalance anymore. I try to reassure him that it's not really me being picky and nagging it's my body going crazy and he's not willing to understand that at all. I've even gave him several articles to read about what's going on with my body and he still doesn't seem to care...any ideas or suggestions

lindscnn1 · July 2015

First, I am sorry he's not understanding. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been together? I know you don't want to hear anything negative, but if he can't "handle" you when you are being more naggy, how will he handle a baby, child and the eventual teenage years? I'm lucky I guess because when I get snippy my husband just says "oh honey your pregnancy hormones are acting up again". But this is not our first rodeo either.
The way I see it, a relationship is only as strong as it is when things get rough... Or arguing. Right now you are going through a lot of changes. It's like pms on steroids. It is better to find out now how supportive he's going to be through the rougher times. If you two were to separate, how do you feel about the idea? Try to forget about the pregnancy for a minute. If you were just in a funky mood because of anything other than pregnancy, would you tolerate him acting this way? Don't let the pregnancy be the reason you try to work it out. I'm guessing he is not compassionate during other situations too?

Stormiewinter · July 2015

Agree with pp. I don't know enough about you to know of their are underlying issues. It sounds like there might be and you may need to examine your relationship more closely. However, if this is just the hormones and nagging there are a few strategies I have that help with me and dh. First when I start to get angry or annoyed about something I always ask myself "am I being reasonable or is this hormones?", and "is this the sword I am willing to die on (is it worth fighting over)?" Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't, but it helps to take a few seconds to think about the whole issue. Also, if I was just being a you know what I always apologize "sorry I said ... I was just feeling really cranky and upset etc." lol usually we both end up apologizing and then we can move on. Again there may be other things going on and I am not a counselor or anything, that is just how dh and I work.

jessnjuan07 · July 2015

I hate to say it but perhaps he's just looking for an "out".

fwtx5815 · July 2015

mbarbano82 said:
hello, apparently my hormones are so out of whack that I'm yelping about everything to the point where my fiancé is actually thinking about leaving because you can't handle this hormone imbalance anymore. I try to reassure him that it's not really me being picky and nagging it's my body going crazy and he's not willing to understand that at all. I've even gave him several articles to read about what's going on with my body and he still doesn't seem to care...any ideas or suggestions

Like PPs suggested, I would really examine this relationship and pump the brakes on wedding planning (if you're doing any).

They pretty much covered what I was thinking, but I'm also wondering if you're even trying to keep your emotions and temper in check? Being pregnant doesn't mean you're given carte blanche to treat people however you want. You do still have the responsibility of trying to be decent toward him.

mbarbano82 · July 2015

I am not being any different towards him at all since I've been pregnant. Maybe now I'll little things irritate me a bit more than they used to but I never spaz or anything like that I usually keep quiet and then he figures all something wrong and then I get called A bunch of pet names and then he says he can't deal with this shit...I just don't get it

kosmo86 · July 2015

Maybe it isn't you??? He could be freaked out about having a baby and maybe he is second guessing that he is ready. I would just try to be nice, relax, and see what happens.

How long have you been together? Were you actively trying to have a baby?

bwp0921 · July 2015

If he can't handle a little bit of crazy pregnant hormones, especially this early on, you two need to reevaluate this relationship. If these hormones are too much, then how will he handle a needy newborn? What if your baby has colic? He sounds a little selfish and self centered, maybe even a little too young to take on such responsibility. You two need to sit down and talk. It's a scary thing, especially for a man, to think of growing up and raising a family, but he needs to be on board. If he can't be, kick his tail to the curb because you don't need that type of negativity in your life right now. You're about to experience one of the greatest things that could ever happen to your life and that should be your sole focus, you don't need to be sent on an emotional roller coaster for something beyond your control. Good luck, love, and remember that you CAN do this, whatever the outcome may be.

alyshamarie007 · July 2015

I also question his level of commitment. If he has difficulty handling the hard times now, how will he handle having a newborn in the house and pp hormones?

I dont know the whole situation, so I do want to offer the other perspective. Have you considered counseling? It might help you both to get a perspective on how you can each better handle yourselves.

I saw that you said he was calling you names. I wouldntt have that. You do not need that stress on you and I would worry that the anger could end up manifesting itself physically. You've got to do what's best for you and baby. Don't let the fear of being alone make stay with someone that doesn't treat you right. I know single moms that are so much happier and parent so much better than when they were with a mentally abusive partner.

Hullabaloo2016 · July 2015

kosmo86 said:

Maybe it isn't you??? He could be freaked out about having a baby and maybe he is second guessing that he is ready. I would just try to be nice, relax, and see what happens.

How long have you been together? Were you actively trying to have a baby?

This! My DH went from over the moon excited about getting married right after he proposed, then about a month before our wedding had a major freak out, like our pastor got involved and we almost didn't get married. Then our first miscarriage, he was so excited and he just couldn't wait to tell his family, loved rubbing my belly, etc. Then we miscarried and all of a sudden he wasn't sure he wanted more kids (he has a 13 year old from a previous relationship). Some men have a very hard time dealing with the big changes in life. Mine does and I've learned to give him space and time to think about things, encourage him to talk to another guy that he trusts and just be as supportive as I can.

phillygirl526 · July 2015

Also agree with PPs. If he can't "handle" your hormonal changes now, he is in for a rude awakening, to be blunt. I was the happiest damn pregnant lady in the world, then I gave birth and was diagnosed with post-partum depression, post-partum anxiety, and post-partum OCD. My relationship with my husband was rock solid, but the first year after the twins were born shook us to the core. Looking back, I have no idea how he hung in there with me. I was in a really bad place, and couldn't control it. This is not to say that everyone ends up with PPD, but whether you do or not, having a baby is HARD. You need someone who will man up and not freak out every time it gets difficult. Because it WILL be difficult!

mbarbano82 · July 2015

Well I know I'm far from perfect but on top of having a baby I am in the process of whening myself off my axienty medicine, I have three kids already with my previous husband, one of my kids Is type one diabetic, and he wants me to sell my house to be closer to him.... I have sooo much going on my head is spinning... I am one person.... But in his eyes I'm a nightmare... Idk sorry for venting

erikajo1117 · July 2015

Don't apologize for venting honey. That's what we're here for. Hang in there and good luck! Know that you're not the only person who's gone through this. You are not at all alone. Vent all you need to because you have a giant group of random women willing to listen. Love ya hon! You can do this!

phillygirl526 · July 2015

Don't apologize! We are here to listen! Sounds like you are super overwhelmed right now. You have a LOT going on, and it's not easy keeping it all together! You are doing a great job, mama, whether you think you are or not! @mbarbano82

lindscnn1 · July 2015

mbarbano82 said:
Well I know I'm far from perfect but on top of having a baby I am in the process of whening myself off my axienty medicine, I have three kids already with my previous husband, one of my kids Is type one diabetic, and he wants me to sell my house to be closer to him.... I have sooo much going on my head is spinning... I am one person.... But in his eyes I'm a nightmare... Idk sorry for venting

I am on Zoloft 200mgs for depression and anxiety, I have been on meds since I was 15. I am cutting down the mgs to 100 but I have to be on them. I was on Lexapro with my last pregnancy, the doctor said the pro's outweighed the risk. Well my daughter was born with a Sacral Dimple which they believe was due to the Lexapro. Make sure you keep your doctor in the loop about how you are doing while cutting down your meds. Some people are able to manage being off meds, I unfortunately have to be on them since I have 4 kids I have to remain "normal" for. What are you on?

mbarbano82 · July 2015

Wellbutrin xl

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