Feeling like a really bad mother today — The Bump
Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Feeling like a really bad mother today

Hey, we're having a rough week and thought maybe there's some support on here. We were dining out on monday and my son was in a high chair. Out of nowhere, my son bangs his head forward on the restaurant table really hard. On purpose. I couldn't respond fast enough because it's frankly not expected behavior from a toddler. It was crazy. He cried and we consoled him. I checked his mouth for any bleeding or bruising but nothing was there. He did have a subtle chip on his top front tooth. I felt horrible horrible horrible but it was superficial enough. I might not have noticed it if I wasn't looking. I was a little emotional but got over it quickly. Thursday night, he was helping my husband unload the dishwasher and lost his footing when my husband was closing the dishwasher door. He slipped and landed literally "teeth first" onto the plastic top of the dishwasher door. Biting edge of his teeth made contact with the dishwasher door. It was very direct but not comparable to a major fall. He cried a little bit. His teeth didn't appear damaged by it. Everything i've been reading sounds like I *must* take him to the dentist only for them to likely do nothing. For personal reasons, I won't do x-rays on him without a dang good reason. We've had a lot of medical bills lately and we can't afford a pointless dentist visit. We opted out of dental insurance for our son until he's 2. I'm feeling like a bad mother even though both incidents were not preventable. I'm also feeling bad because it sounds like most teeth injuries result in nerve damage and tooth discoloration. It's impossible for me to know if that will happen but my luck has been scary bad lately. I know it could be much much worse and this is a very small issue overall. I'm starting to get overwhelmed with fear about the future. He hasn't even had a major fall on our tile floors or driveway yet. He hasn't gotten to be very adventurous yet and he's already getting pretty hurt. I'm scared to trust him as much when we play now. Ay me.

Re: Feeling like a really bad mother today

  • Maybe you could call a dentist and explain what happened and ask for their advice? Don't blame yourself - accidents happen. Despite the rough week, I can tell by how hard you are on yourself that you are a wonderful parent. :)
  • My DD (3.5y) has a chipped front tooth and I have no idea when or where it happened. She also has a discolored front tooth, which I figured was genetic since DH has one also - maybe they both had similar dental traumas?  So, if I have no idea how these occurred and didn't even know to be concerned, and DD's 1st dentist appt is almost a year past due, and I consider myself a good parent (now), then seems to me you are a very good parent that you are aware and informed.

    BTW - I have a HS friend who is very image-oriented so it absolutely cracked me up when she posted a pic of her 4yo DS who played superman and knocked out his front tooth. Adult tooth comes in 2 yrs? That's a lot of family pics with a gap --- I'm sure she'd say as I do "happy problem" = healthy child, aesthetic issue.

    Now the head banging worries me - my DS seems to have that impulse (DD went through a stage but it was mild and brief). What do you read about that? Degree of normal? Phase?

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  • thanks mamas. I go through periods of  deep self loathing for even caring what his teeth look like. I just don't want to deal with judgmental comments later. My son has a faint vertical line on his nose that seems like a normal thing that he will grow into.. and my mil calls it his "cleft nose". You can barely even see it!!! I hate people :) Adults can be worse than kids with that observational criticism. 

    I heard that head banging is a toddler phase but usually mild. What my son did at the restaurant didn't seem mild. It happened fast and I didn't exactly see what happened. It was loud, he was crying, and there's damage to a tooth. Pretty significant thing to do for no reason. Hasn't done anything even resembling that since. I can't even figure out how he physically managed to bend over the table enough to make contact let alone break a tooth! Maybe he chipped it some other way but I don't think so. He was touching his mouth a little after.
  • My DD has a light linea alba on her abdomen. You've heard of linea negra in pregnancy? this is the opposite and I assume it's lifelong. I'm already thinking about how she can handle that one. I am lighter skinned than her so I figure she can say "that's the [maiden name] in me!" (with pride). Of course if she ends up with DH's wide-wide nose, can she say "that's the [married name] in me" with pride? I'll try my darndest for it. Oh, we got a really good book in the mail (from the Dolly Parton program) - a girl moves and is teased by a boy at school about EVERYTHING and she has all these happy comebacks her grandma taught her and she's proud. Good book. I hope as the days pass your upset over the face-meets-table incident becomes a distant memory (assuming your son is well).

    Unexplained IF/RPL

    TTC#1 2003 BFNs, 2004-2009 imageimageimageimageimage 5 angels above

    2010 IVF-PGS-FET#1, DD b. Aug-2011 image

    TTC#2 2012 BFNs, 2013 FET#2, DS b. Nov-2013 image

    TTC#3 2015 BFNs, FET#3 image (my 6th and last angel above)

    Journey Complete.

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  • My daughter fell against a stack of drawers and chipped her front tooth as well.

    I saw a dental hygienist yesterday, actually, and she said there is no worry unless gums or tooth start changing colour or show bruising. 

    It sounds to me like it's just a bad week with a toddler! I had a bad day yesterday: my daughter pulled our laundry rack down on herself (on the driveway no less) and scraped her elbow and cheek, fell off a bench, and banged her lip at the park! I swear we are good parents, lol! It was just one of those days.

    These things happen and I am sure you are doing a great job! Like an above poster said: you seem like you are well informed. 

    And as my mom says: These things, too, shall pass. Haha!
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