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March 2016 Moms
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Feeling guilty... loss mentioned

jmathi0149jmathi0149 member
in March 2016 Moms
When I got my BFP I was so excited because my two best friends were also pregnant. One of them was due in January and one is due just 3 weeks before me. We were all having our second babies and I was excited to share the experience with them. The day I got my BFP my friend due in January found out they had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks so I haven't even told her I am pregnant. My best friend who is due 3 weeks before me is suffering from hyperemesis and is having a very hard time. I feel so guilty because I am going on 7 weeks and I barely have any symptoms. Every time I speak to my friend she asks how I am feeling and it is hard to respond with "I feel great"! It sucks because I can't even talk to my two best friends. I wish I could be there for them more but I just don't even know what to say! Even worse, sometimes I kind of worry that I'm not having any symptoms but then I am just thankful because surely it is nature's way of giving me a break because my first pregnancy was so dramatic.

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Re: Feeling guilty... loss mentioned

  • CCLow87CCLow87 member
    I would sit down and tell your best friend that had the loss sooner than later. I think she'd be more hurt if she found out from someone else. It's going to be a hard conversation, there will probably be tears, but if she's your best friend, it will all eventually be okay. 


    3 miscarriages - 1 DS (6) - 1 DD (3)  - #3 due March 30!


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  • mommygrams0730mommygrams0730 member
    I know texting sounds impersonal, but it allows the person to process and not feel so "on the spot" with a congratulations. At least that's how I would like to be informed. My friend kind of caught me off guard the first time getting together after my loss coming out with the I'm pregnant.


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  • lightroxlightrox member
    You should talk to your friend soon and I second what previous poster said text or email her to give her time to process the news on her own. Also try not to be hurt if she isn't excited she'll be happy for you but it will probably be hard for her she'll need time to process. I had a miscarriage last year and two of my friend were due a month before and after me. It was hard at first but a few months later I was a able to celebrate and be happy for them.
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  • bagel37bagel37 member
    As someone who has suffered a loss (stillbirth in January), you should talk to your friend and tell her. My girlfriend just told me that she is expecting in January and she was really nervous to tell me because of my loss. She waited 12 weeks to tell me! I'm happy for her, but I can see how she would be nervous. It's better for you to tell her than for her to find out some other way. Trust me.
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  • flowerpower5838flowerpower5838 member
    edited July 2015

    I agree with all of the others - if she is one of your besties, make sure she hears it from you first! I also suffered from some losses and it hurt for like a millisecond to see other people's announcements, but overall I was truly happy for them. If it were me, I'd want to know!


    ETA: Ok, maybe more than a millisecond, but when it came down to it I was definitely over the moon for my friends :)

    Me: 29  DH: 31
     Married 10/13/12
    TTC Since 8/2016

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  • KRMcDKRMcD member
    Definitely do it via text or email!  When I was struggling with infertility a friend of mine who was pregnant for the second time rather soon after the first texted me and I really appreciated having time to process it before responding.  That way I was able to be happy for her.
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  • jmathi0149jmathi0149 member
    Thank you for the advice ladies! I am just a little nervous because I had so many issues with my first. I have my first ultrasound August 3rd a little after 8 weeks. If everything is ok at the ultrasound I will text her that day. She isn't friends with any of my other friends and we have only told a few people so there is no chance of her finding out from anyone else. I will definitely text her.
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  • TheNewestMrsSmith55TheNewestMrsSmith55 member
    I agree with telling her but be prepared that her reaction may not be what you're expecting. I had a good friend tell me that she was pregnant a few months after I had a miscarriage and I burst into tears right in her face. I was super happy for her but couldn't communicate it for a few weeks because I was still grieving my loss. If she doesn't react with an excited congrats right away, try to remember that it likely has nothing to do with you or her excitement for you. Good luck!
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