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March 2015 Moms
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Intimacy issues

sarah0989sarah0989 member
in March 2015 Moms
I'm sure I'm not alone on this.... I've completely lost my sex drive since having my baby! He is almost 4 months and it's been very stressful and exhausting obviously! This is my second, but my first was easier. Started sleeping through the night fairly quickly and was pretty easy going. This time around is completely different and I'm just so tired all the time. I went back to work when he was 6 weeks so I'm always going. Taking care of my 5 year old and then making sure the baby is ok, it's overwhelming at times. This is not a surprise lol! Kids are a lot of work. So at the end of every day, when I finally get to lay down in bed I feel pressure from my fiancé to have sex. He won't say it straight out, but he'll make comments here and there about it and I honestly am just not interested on any level! I feel bad but at the same time I get annoyed. Ugh it's frustrating and I try to show him I still care about how he feels but sometimes I just don't want to be bothered.
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Re: Intimacy issues

  • LorabeanLorabean member
    I felt the same way at first. I was just way too exhausted to even think about it and I had zero sex drive! But I finally gave in, thinking okay I'm just going to do this for him and hope he's quick. But once we got going I actually really got into it and it ended up relieving a lot of tension that I didn't even know I had!
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  • myjessesgirlmyjessesgirl member
    Exactly this. My biggest frustration so far. Even when well-rested and feeling ok, I still have no desire for sex. I blame the minipill and breastfeeding. I toy with the idea of just stopping both, but that seems a little excessive (id rather NOT get pregnant again right now). So I try my hardest to be interested and usually find it to be ok once we start.
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  • emsillickemsillick member
    Urgh... It's so hard isn't it? I have a vague interest about once every two weeks and then find that I feel really weird afterwards. My lady parts just don't feel the same and I do not enjoy sex in the same way. It must be because I am either constantly thinking about the baby or have a little residual trauma from the birth and people poking around down there in a very non-sexual way!

    My fiance is very understanding but I can tell he is frustrated at times. He has a high sex drive and initiates daily and I feel terrible that I just get annoyed with him. I finally have a minute to sit down and relax away from the constant demands of a baby and just want to stare at the telly and have a cuppa.

    I keep reassuring him that it will come back but in the back of my mind I'm like, will it?!

    I guess it's still early days but I must admit, I'm a bit lost on this one.
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  • babyh310babyh310 member
    I have felt the same way. I don't really have any advice other than to validate how over stimulating it can be to try to balance work, home, self, baby, and significant other... and that when you finally get a chance to rest or be baby free, the last thing that you want to do is meet yet another need of someone else or to be touched, and how irritating it can feel to feel you should anyway. We as mamas have many different hats and it's hard to wear them all, all of the time. For me, I'm working on trying to make sure that my husband isn't the thing that gets pushed aside every time. It's hard and my motivation is low because I have no desire, but I love him and I know he needs that physical connection. Maybe we will all just snap into a crazy sex drive!!! ;)
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  • torie2132torie2132 member
    I'm with you. I find myself very irritated when he even gives me that look. It takes everything in me not to be annoyed when he even just wants a hug - when I'm washing bottles or cleaning. I had a 3rd degree tear - and I can tell you. It does not feel good so far. I wish I had some advice, but like others just showing my support and hoping you know you aren't alone!
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  • akj166akj166 member
    torie2132 said:

    I'm with you. I find myself very irritated when he even gives me that look. It takes everything in me not to be annoyed when he even just wants a hug - when I'm washing bottles or cleaning. I had a 3rd degree tear - and I can tell you. It does not feel good so far. I wish I had some advice, but like others just showing my support and hoping you know you aren't alone!

    You could not have said it better! I feel the same way!!! I also had a 3rd degree tear and at 14 weeks postpartum it is still sooooo painful!
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  • sarah0989sarah0989 member
    Thanks everyone!! I'm sure with time it will get better. Glad to know I'm not alone.
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  • SMac2013SMac2013 member
    It's a strange thing how you feel after a baby. My sex drive was through the roof before baby was here. Now thinking about sex makes me panic! I feel horrible but my husband has been very understanding. We will have sex at least once a week, sometimes once we start I get into it but most of the time I just wait for it to be over. I assume once the baby gets older and I'm used to mommy hood it will get better. It must be natures way to make sure we fully care for the first baby or something haha
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  • nicolerae90nicolerae90 member
    I want sex all the time. Husband on the other hand. Not so much. I feel so undesirable to him
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  • SharLovesAlexSharLovesAlex member
    I loved having sex before the baby, now when my husband makes comments regarding sex before we go to bed, I find myself almost dreading it. It takes so much more to get me going than it used to, and I'm usually so tired I can't even get into it. I try for him, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever like sex again the way I used to! He asks if he still turns me on and I say yes, but most of the time, I'm actively trying to get turned on and willing myself to get even just a little wet down there (sorry for the tmi). I can't wait til I get back to normal. It's been 4 months now.
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  • KD32412KD32412 member
    It takes a while if you are still breastfeeding. My husband reminded me that my libido wasn't back to normal for a few months, like 6 months? It will return though!
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  • MeganPobegaMeganPobega member
    I'm having the opposite problem. I want it but he won't have sex with me. I keep asking why, but he just tells me nothing is wrong. Or he is "to tired". As if taking care of two kids all day alone isn't exhausting. I'm getting really frustrated because he won't tell me why. Now I'm super insecure and think there is something wrong with me. Like he isn't attracted to me anymore or doesn't enjoy it. I feel like his room mate most of the time. And when the rare accurace of sex happens, he's not into it. I've voiced how hurt I am by it, but nothing. He tells me everyday we will have sex. It never happens. So of course it upsets me. At least your SO still wants you. I wouldn't be to worried.
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