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May 2015 Moms
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daughters dad

christmasstreechristmasstree member
edited July 2015 in May 2015 Moms
I have a question about my daughters father. Now since she was born he has only seen her twice and that was at the hospital. Every time he says hes going to come see her he can never make it. She will be 8 weeks this sunday and ive given him plenty of chances to come see her and help out. He hasnt done anything for her, nothing. He asks about the baby every few days not even every day. He has a new gf who has 3 kids of her own and he can take care of them but not his own kid. And he got mad at me for telling him the truth the other day and it wasn't even everything just one piece of it. Now i recently deactivated my fb because thats the only way we talk and so i haven't talked to him since last Thursday. He knows how to get in touch with me but hasnt and will probably find a way to blame me for deactivating my fb. I feel alot better though not having my fb. He doesnt have a car and thats one of his excuses as to why he hasnt seen her yet but his gf has a car. And theres the bus or calling a taxi. He hasnt made any efforts and ive been nothing but nice. Ive just had it with his bullshit and excuses. Idk why i get my hopes up. Am i doing the right thing?
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Re: daughters dad

  • courtneylevesquecourtneylevesque member
    I think so. No point in trying to force your beautiful girl on him. It's his loss. You are doing a great job mama, keep it up!
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  • christmasstreechristmasstree member
    Thank you
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  • CordeliaD87CordeliaD87 member
    Kinda in the same situation here. Difference is, my sons father doesn't say he will come and then make an excuse, he just doesn't say anything. He does ask about him, but I'm getting tired of sending pictures and answering his questions. If he really wanted to know how he's doing and growing, he would make the effort to come over. I'm just 'over it'. I have already stopped asking if he is going to make time for him. Now, I'm just trying to decide if I'm okay with doing it financially alone right now or do I want child support. Do what feels right for you and your LO. In the end, it'll all be okay. After all, our LOs can't miss what they don't know! Good luck mama!
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  • christmasstreechristmasstree member
    Yea same here idk if i want to go for child support. Good luck to you too. I mean were doing the best that we can for our LOs. And its their loss. They have all the people that matter in their lives.
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  • mars8kmars8k member
    If i were you i would be in full single mum mode. Like you said he knows how to get in touch with you and obviously knows where you live. He sounds like a class A jerk to me.. Sorry
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  • christmasstreechristmasstree member
    Yes I'm trying to take care of her idc about him anymore not worried. Thanks he is a jerk
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  • aurora1204aurora1204 member
    I encourage you to absolutely get child support! In the past I chose not to out of a sense of pride and I regret it. Sometimes these immature men need to be made to be responsible. Ridiculous but true. Think of it this way; with that financial help you can maybe afford better childcare or sign them up for activities that you couldn't before. My hats off to all you single moms of infants; you are amazing.
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  • DMELDMEL member
    Consider yourself a single mom and then go to court and her child support. Then forget about the loser and do what you can for your baby.
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  • MrsWhiteToBeMrsWhiteToBe member
    Definitely get child support. If deadbeat dad tries to fight you just remind him that the money's not for you, it's for your daughter.
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  • Knottie76365376Knottie76365376 member
    Having been there I second pp saying to get child support. Go to court and get it squared away. My first child's father ducked out in the beginning then when the child grew he got demanding to see him and put the responsibility on me- plus never paid a cent of child support! Then his mother, my son's grandma wanted to see my baby- so more pressure there. All while I was seriously struggling as a single mom. Finally after thousands of dollars in lawyer fees we have it worked out. I wish I hadn't been too prideful in the beginning to ask for child support.
    Side note: his name was on the birth certificate - if his name isn't then maybe you can deny visitation and do without support- bc in my experience when the weeks turn into years you move on and then you hope he doesn't come around! My husband now is a better stepfather than my ex was ever a father!
    Good luck ladies. This is one single mom who changed her situation around to be living the dream she envisioned. It took time but it was worth it!
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  • christmasstreechristmasstree member
    Yes i wish he would just go away. He isnt doing anything and doesnt see her. I feel because he didnt want kids that maybe it's his way of backing out by saying things but not actually doing anything. I didnt want to go for child support because i just want him out of the picture but if he wants in her life later then yes he should be helping. I mean he helped make her.
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  • Knottie76365376Knottie76365376 member
    I know it sucks and I know you just wish he'd disappear, but he won't. The best thing is to be level-headed, separate from the emotions and get a lawyer. It might not cost anything, or if it does it'll be a couple hundred. Which is way less than the thousands a full on battle will cost later. I will be paying off the credit cards for years to come!
    I have watched several women go through this. Just do it and put the money aside for later bc kids only get more and more expensive! Plus, the longer they go without paying support the more they think it's ok and try to dodge it later on.
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  • christmasstreechristmasstree member
    Yeah this is true. Its just so frustrating
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  • christmasstreechristmasstree member
    Hes also the one who didnt want to go to court at all. Almost like hes trying to avoid it at all costs. Hes also threatened me a few times.
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  • rachelarynxorachelarynxo member
    If I were you I would just stop stressing about him and enjoy your beautiful little girl! He clearly doesn't value her enough to make her a priority, and that's his loss in the end! Stay strong mama, it's not easy doing it on your own, but we gotta do whatever is best for our kiddos!
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  • DMELDMEL member
    christmasstree said:

    Hes also the one who didnt want to go to court at all. Almost like hes trying to avoid it at all costs. Hes also threatened me a few times.

    Stop posting on the Internet and get a lawyer. He doesn't have a choice to go to court. He created a child and is financially responsible for it. If he's threatening you, call the police.
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