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June 2015 Moms
beckyk9109
member
DH/SO rants and raves!
beckyk9109
member
i haven't seen a recent one of these (and they're always one of my personal favorites) so let's hear it!
Re: DH/SO rants and raves!
DH has been amazing! The last 2 nights the girls have been very fussy. My DH gets our 3 year old DS to sleep, then stays up with the girls to let me get some sleep. He works all day, so I'm very grateful. It gets difficult taking care of 3 under 3 all day by yourself, especially when they're fussy all day. Tonight is my turn so he can get some sleep!
DH rant: I tell him afterward that I can't go back on the pill until I get my period, which could be weeks. So it will be condoms until then. Him: "What is this, high school?". LOOK DUDE NO ONE IS HAPPY ABOUT THIS! I don't even want to have sex in the first place...
it was so cute
The other day when I got out of the shower, I found DH holding the baby with one arm and singing along to a baby Spotify channel and doing the gestures for "Where is Thumbkin" with the other hand.
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" came on, and DH excitedly said to LO, "Oh, this is a good one!!" Made me burst out laughing, then felt bad for making DH self-conscious.
That said, DH is one of those people who can really enjoy playing the role of cranky old man (he's only 32). It's been getting out of hand lately, and while DH is not actually unhappy, it exhausts me to be around him when he's like that. (Says no a lot. Acts annoyed when I suggest social events. Etc.)
Yesterday I realized it's been 7 weeks since DH got any lovin'.., so we took care of that. And suddenly my happy, jovial, easygoing man is BACK!
He also snores so loud he wakes up the baby. Every night I have to wake him up, so he can adjust his head, and he starts yelling at me because I woke him up. It seems like I'm a single mother.
Any advice on what I can do?
Having a baby and lack of sleep is really causing both DH and I to have exaggerated mood swings so I (kind of) get it. Everything turns into a fight or me crying, and I will try to avoid conflict and not say things I think would cause an argument (even if it's something we should discuss).
I'm sorry you had such a bad day. Don't feel bad about the carseat, I did a similar thing. I put the seat into the base and heard it click, and climbed into the seat next (DH and I have been having me sit next to LO when we are going anywhere farther than 10 min away, so I totally know what was going on, there) and I got strapped in and we pulled out of the driveway and suddenly DH reaches back and shakes the car seat. I'm like - what are you doing!? And then I hear it click at least twice more into its base. When I had clicked it in I had only engaged maybe one or two of the 4 locking mechanisms. :-S He had heard it jiggling from the front seat, and I - who was right next to the kid! I had heard nothing. Huge mommy guilt. But, it was a learning experience. Now each time I engage the seat with the base I really shove it around and yank on it to make sure all the clicks are clicked. So don't feel bad or let your husband make you feel bad about the car seat base. Also, when we saw the car seat tech, he showed us how to install the base correctly, so that should the base need to be uninstalled (or accidentally come uninstalled) we could do it ourselves with confidence. If your hubs does want to revisit the car seat tech, try to turn the tables a little bit on him by making him sit thru the demonstration and lesson on installation, so that both of you can reinstall the base without any need for blame or future blow ups about it not being safe because the strap came unbuckled. Our tech made us both take it all apart and put it back together in front of him. It was a worthwhile exercise, as now both of us can snug that base in there so tight it wouldn't even have room to breathe. So, if he does follow thru with this idea of seeing the tech again, use the opportunity to educate yourselves on installation of the base. That way should anything like this ever happen again all that will happen is one of you takes 5 minutes to reinstall the base, and the fight is over. And, should he continue to get wound up about it, you can calmly tell him 'it's no big deal. We both know how to reinstall the base safely. It will take 5 minutes. Try to remember the example you set for our son when you get worked up like this' and then set about reinstalling the base. Hopefully by the time you are done with the base he will have realized he is kind of being an ass about the whole thing and maybe will have calmed down a bit.
I use the 'think of the example you are setting for our son' line when my hubs loses his temper or does some other undesirable behavior (hubs can tend to get frustrated, which makes him angry, and he might throw something. Hasn't happened yet, but I don't doubt it will at some point). Ice actually also told my hubs to use the same line on me when it is warranted (not with regards to temper, but I tend to obsess and over stress). Nobody wants their kid to pick up on their bad habits. Hopefully thinking about it this way will help him to try to control himself.
Hugs, gal >:D<
Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses. I appreciate the fact you didn't take sides and you acknowledged that this is such a stressful time that does lead to more arguments. I feel terrible about the car seat, but the larger issue is that I make a lot of mistakes, DH gets angry and it's not the kind of family life I'd hoped for...this is getting beyond the scope of a rants/raves post, I'm sorry. I am trying to work on communication with him and work on being more careful especially about baby safety issues. I appreciate your kind thoughts.
1) "when you can calm down we can talk about this more" and then you and baby need to give him space (take a walk, go to another room and close the door, visit a friend, etc).
2) once he's calm ask him why he reacts with such intense emotions. Suggest it's not healthy for you or baby to be around that energy. Children mimic their parents on how to handle or react to certain situations, so it's important to handle things without loosing your head. (In your own words of course)
3) he may feel like he's not being heard so if you guys can get to a space where a conversation can be had, really listen to why it upsets him and the reiterate his feelings so he knows you understand where he's coming from.
4) bottom line though he needs to deal with the source of the anger. My husband also refused therapy/couples counseling. We had to find another path, and for us it was a series of personal growth seminars so that we could deal with our own crap (programs) individually and as a couple. It saved our marriage and took our lives personally and professionally to the next level. It set us up to be better parents through awareness and knowledge. You obviously can't force someone to do this, they need to choose in, and that's the ultimate question for your husband. Maybe he needs to find his own path...but point being he has to choose. I wish you all the best.
Can you talk to him about this when you're both calm? Prepare him, maybe go to dinner in public and tell him that morning that you need To Talk that night, so you're not just springing it on him?
I've had to have a "come to Jesus" talk with my husband sometimes when he's too cranky for too long, and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells. It is no way to live. When I turn the conversation to my feelings (eg, "I am sometimes really afraid of you. I know you don't want me to fear you, so I am asking you to see that and to change your behavior."), it is better than if I just say You, You, You.
I wonder if going to see a counselor without him would be helpful? I don't hear a ton of confidence that he would never hurt you or LO. Between that fear and your blaming yourself for his behavior, I am worried things could escalate and you would be unprepared, and caught in a scary cycle.
Newborn stress is very real. Emotional, physical, financial, etc. It exacerbates the best and worst parts of any relationship. But you need a partner who doesn't terrify you for being human. We all make mistakes. You are a good mom and a good person, and your LO deserves a loving, secure home.
I'm sorry if I'm taking this in another direction than you hoped. Others are being very supportive, but I can't shake the real fear and the self-blaming that I see here. I hope things get better, because they need to. Be strong for you, and for LO. Big hugs, lady.
DH is farting loudly in his sleep and startling sleeping LO, who keeps throwing his hands up over his head. (DH is lying in bed and LO is napping in his bouncy chair on the bed.) I had to come to the bathroom to type this because I'm in hysterics!
Frozen mini pizzas
Taquitos
Otter pops
Goldfish crackers
Fruit snacks
Mac n cheese
Beer
All in huge sizes. This is what I have to eat for the week. I love him but he's never doing the shopping again.
Update: DH has agreed to couples counseling. Thanks for your concern, ladies. @KarasTwin
@virginiaunicorn11 @lovethatcolosun @Serenamarr