Annoyed with spouse !!!!!

Rach8672 · July 2015

So I had this bachlorette party I planned to go to this weekend which is a three hour drive north from me. I was planning to drop my husband off in Milwaukee (an hour or so away) then continue to my destination.
Two days ago I started having the runs like crazy , sorry TMI. I thought it would have gone away by now . Last night I got up twice for BM and once to vomit. This morning I had BM two more times and vomited again. So I'm thinking I've either got dehydration or a bug of some sort.

I could barely stand to get ready, trying to be out the door by 8 am. My husband knew I was feeling like absolute crap and goes why are you doing this to yourself , you aren't going to have a good time , you can barely stand. So I figured he's right. I decided not to go and let him take the car to Milwaukee.

So he asks are you sure you don't want to go and I say Yes (in fear I might actually poop myself on the three hour drive) . Then he leaves , he doesn't even offer to stay with me . I know he can't make me feel any better but it would be nice to have someone to keep me company or to cook for me . What if I need to go to the doctor , he now has the car.
So thoughtless !!! Now I'm sobbing by myself , pathetic. Hope he has fun playing golf and at the beer fest. A**!

Would you be mad too ?

aphilli8 · July 2015

I think him asking are you sure you don't want to go, was his way of saying speak now or forever hold your peace. I would be aggravated too, but I wouldn't say anything because it's not his fault.

vvitchhazel · July 2015

You can't really fault him if you didn't ask him to stay with you. Men aren't always as intuitive as women and you can't get mad at him for following through with his plans when you didn't tell him you'd rather he didn't go.

Also... We might be neighbors!!!

cjd&k · July 2015

I also agree with the other PP's. You can't blame him not knowing to stay unless you say something, but I do understand the frustration. I was really sick and dehydrated (on the floor crying because I felt so terrible) and SO still went out. Of course he did the same as yours, asked if I was okay and made sure I didn't need anything, but I was still kind of frustrated like you are now. I hope he'll be home soon to take care of you OP.

I also understand about the BM happening a lot. I thought I was going to have to stay home from work yesterday because it wouldn't stop. I was throwing up and having the runs. It sucked.

TMI sorry.

SummerOH · July 2015

I'll be the dissenter here. I don't think you should have to ask your husband to stay home when you're sick, pregnant, and only have one car. It's pretty ridiculous that he left, imo. What if you get dehydrated and have to go to the hospital? I guess you could always get someone or a service to take you, but that just seems wrong to me. That said, I'm kind of a pushy b* so I would've been like, "Where the hell do you think you're going?!" if he tried to leave. Fortunately, MH is super sweet and wouldn't do that. Or maybe just super afraid of me. Whatever works.

SummerOH · July 2015

cjd&k said:

I also agree with the other PP's. You can't blame him not knowing to stay unless you say something, but I do understand the frustration. I was really sick and dehydrated (on the floor crying because I felt so terrible) and SO still went out. Of course he did the same as yours, asked if I was okay and made sure I didn't need anything, but I was still kind of frustrated like you are now. I hope he'll be home soon to take care of you OP. I also understand about the BM happening a lot. I thought I was going to have to stay home from work yesterday because it wouldn't stop. I was throwing up and having the runs. It sucked. TMI sorry.

Wow...I'm sorry, that's a really jerky move of him! How do you leave your pregnant wife (or even NOT pregnant) crying on the floor because she's so miserable to go out with your buddies? Yikes.

l4rk · July 2015

I would probably sulk a bit but I also don't think I would fault him. He probably needed the weekend away. I know we pregnant women are an absolute delight 24/7, so it's hard to imagine that he wants a break from us, but that may have been the case. And if it is, you're better off for it. If he stayed out of guilt, then he would be resentful and it would take its toll. Trust me. I'm an internet stranger, so I know what I'm talking about. Ahahah, no, but serooisly. Let him go have fun and he will appreciate you and your relationship even more. I give my SO a ton of freedom to make any plans he wants, as long as I have advance notice, and I know he loves me (and tolerates my crap) more for it.

Rach8672 · July 2015

Thanks for understanding ladies . I get that he just doesn't get it . He is thinking this is just the usual sickness but today definately felt worse than usual. On the other hand I feel like he's such an amateur to have to ask him to stay! An offer even would have been nice . Trust me, we give each other plenty of space , he was just in Milwaukee for a different birthday two weekends ago. He probably didn't think I'd be mad because we let each other hang out with friends whenever.
I just think it's kind of low that he didn't offer , he's staying the night there too and plans to go golfing again tomorrow morning. I'm sure I'll only get lucky to have some extra help if it rains or if I'm on the brink of death.

Lastly , I am having a huge struggle cooking and I've been eating nothing but crap. It would be soo nice if he could take initiative some time and cook for me . Soooooo sick of ordering in . Sorry just venting ! I'm 14 weeks in , I thought I'd be feeling better by now .
This is quite depressing

Rach8672 · July 2015

@vvitchhazel where are you living ?

I'm in downtown Chicago , Lincoln park .

CaraBoonie · July 2015

I do think it's a little jerky. But men tend to be idiots about feelings and need things directly told to them, and if you know your guy is one of those men (most are, nothing against them, men obviously have other positive qualities, but intuitive sensitivity is not always top of that list), so I've learned to specifically say "This is what I want/need you to do" or else he thinks it's actually optional...a less extreme instance that literally JUST happened...I just asked my husband "Do you want to come downstairs and help me make sure I didn't miss any spots while mopping?" (after we spent an hour cleaning together to clear the floor for mopping) and he's like "No, I don't want to"...and never comes down. With a completely straight face he said I asked if he wanted to come, and didn't say "Please come downstairs at this exact moment and help" so he truly thought it was optional #FacePalm

I'd be a little pissed at my husband if he did what yours did, for sure. But I also would have said "I feel like complete crap and if you don't stay with me I will feel pissed and frankly uncared for" because I've learned that boldfaced honesty is what he needs to "get" it...would it be nice if he "got" it on his own? Yup. But after 9 years I've learned that it just ain't happening, as much as he does truly care, he just doesn't "get" it, haha.

yankeeinthesouth · July 2015

Awe! I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. No fun at all.

I would probably be pretty pissed too. But like a few others have said, I would have told him straight up that I wanted him to stay with me.

I hope you're better soon!

shaunahf · July 2015

It seems like quite a few of us live close. I live in Northwest suburbs of Chicago almost to Wisconsin.

mstefanovic · July 2015

He's not a mind reader, so you can't be too mad. Buuuuuut my poor husband can't do anything right either. I feel your frustration, but I wouldn't bring it up to him. Just be more direct next time.

cjd&k · July 2015

SummerOH said:

cjd&k said:

I also agree with the other PP's. You can't blame him not knowing to stay unless you say something, but I do understand the frustration. I was really sick and dehydrated (on the floor crying because I felt so terrible) and SO still went out. Of course he did the same as yours, asked if I was okay and made sure I didn't need anything, but I was still kind of frustrated like you are now. I hope he'll be home soon to take care of you OP.

I also understand about the BM happening a lot. I thought I was going to have to stay home from work yesterday because it wouldn't stop. I was throwing up and having the runs. It sucked. TMI sorry.

Wow...I'm sorry, that's a really jerky move of him! How do you leave your pregnant wife (or even NOT pregnant) crying on the floor because she's so miserable to go out with your buddies? Yikes.

I completely see how that could come off as terrible as you're making it sound, but it wasn't that bad. He's a wedding coordinator and somebody at work needed him because they were short handed setting up so he went to help. He didn't leave without me in bed calmed down. It's just a sucky feeling when you're sick and just want DH home with you.

If he was going out with buddies, that would've been a completely different story....

dobes1020 · July 2015

.

MommaB16 · July 2015

If this weekend was for, say a bachelor party or some sort of important celebration for a close friend or family member, I would still have him go, no guilt. Otherwise I know my hubs would have stayed home. Because like you said, if I was left in that state I wouldn't have been able to make myself any food, or get myself any off the shelf medication, etc. My hubs would also have a hard time going somewhere far away me in that state, because if I got more sick, or needed to see a doctor he would want to be around and not have to drive to meet me.

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