Pool Problems/VERY upset/needing support (Long)

mommyofX · July 2015

This may be a silly post to some. But I'm really just looking to see if anyone else has had this issue and can relate, and offer ADVICE & support...

Back story/event
First off, I've ALWAYS loved the swimming pool since I was a baby. It's always calmed my nerves and relaxed my body and made me feel better no matter what was the issue. I unfortunately do not have my own pool, and my complex charges what i think is an insane amount to use it for each summer. I have only been to a pool twice this summer. The first time I used my sister pool pass to use hers in her development. I laid out to get some type of color and when I got up to go in the water is when my problem began.. I walked over to the steps and a group of 4-6 older( jewish yentas) women in about their 50s-60s were sitting near by to where I was entering the pool. I could hear them talking about me. Saying how they'd never be caught dead wearing a bikini while pregnant. How they'd be too embarrassed when they were pregnant with their kids probably 35+ years ago and made a BUNCH of other hurtful remarks about me when I'm not far from them. It's not like they were trying to be quite either! It's like they couldn't wait till I went back to my seat to talk about me? They had to do it when I was right there? These women have been going to this pool since I was a baby myself.(this pool was where I learned to swim and spent over 15+ summers there) All they do is get together and talk about other people and bad mouth whoever is on the chopping block. Then I was invited to another pool yesterday to catch up with an old teacher of mine who was lifeguarding and as I walk in I see another group of older women watching me as I walk in and set up my chair. And since the 1st group of women made me feel so badly about myself already, I didn't even go into the pool yesterday bc I didn't want to go near them and hear only G-d knows what from this group of women. So at this point I'm too upset to even go to another pool.

I just don't understand why these women have to treat us like this! They've been threw it! They should know and remember how crappy emotionally we feel with our growing and changing bodies. What gives them the right to bad mouth a pregnant woman bc she wants to cool down and help her back pain in a pool. If you don't like the way I look then don't look! I'm 5'5 and at 34weeks I'm 143lbs. I've gained 17 lbs so far only bc I was incredibly sick and throwing up for most of my pregnancy. But that's not my point. Even if I was 10lbs-400lbs...women should NOT be bashing other women who are pregnant especially. I've always had very poor body image of myself since i was a kid. It took me all summer to build up enough courage to go to a pool and put on a bathing suit. And within minutes, any self esteem I had was crushed. I just don't get how these women, who are moms can be so blatantly mean and hurtful when I'm not more than 20 feet away from them. I don't know.. I just wanted to share and ask for your support or advice.. Now I'm just feeling even more ugly, fat and shitty about myself. Any advice is welcome. Thanks for listening.... :,( :,( :,(

SORRY i wrote so much

nieldang · July 2015

Don't be down on yourself. Sounds like these women were a lot older and its a generational thing. Back in their day the pregnant body wasnt embraced as much as it is now. I LOVE the pool and go all the time, sometime in a bikini sometimes in a tankini. I was always a slender girl (5'6, 120) and have now put on 30 lbs, but that wont stop me. Keep going and don't let these woman get to you. Hope this helps!

JaclynnFisher · July 2015

I would completely ignore them. It was completely different when they had kids and women weren't really encouraged to embrace the bump. Although they are completely out of line I'm not sure there's much you can do other than ignore and enjoy yourself.

Lizover23 · July 2015

Who cares what they say??? Go in despite what they say about ur body and ur bikini, I would even take my top off to piss them off!

SassetteSmurfling · July 2015

Everyone gets judged every day for a million different reasons. I'm not trying to be rude but you need to grow some thicker skin. You think they're judging/bad mouthing your pregnant body, just wait until everyone you talk to judges all of your parenting decisions, because believe me, they will.

If you like swimming and going to the pool, just go. You aren't there to make anyone else happy, you're there for yourself.

Saratiff · July 2015

Screw them! They honestly have nothing better to do. I feel bad that you let them have so much power over you. I don't think God himself could keep me out of the pool these days. Hold your head of up high momma and enjoy the pool.

breezymeema7 · July 2015

I was at the beach a few weekends ago and there was a group of boys who were quite obviously making fun of me. Screw them. I'm building a baby, and while yes that means I've got some pretty fantastic stretch marks, I look damn good. Feeling good about yourself, despite rude comments, is a choice. Choose to ignore them, choose to enjoy your beautiful changing body, choose to relax in the pool.

Miz_Liz · July 2015

I am sure you are going to think I am being rude, but I think that the issue lays with yourself and your self confidence and not these women. I read and reread your post. Okay, so the first group of women (Religous affiliations aren't important here) made comments - but as others have said, different generation, different thought process...heck, they may not have even worn a bikini when they were NOT pregnant, who cares. But the second time, these women did not even say anything - you avoided them because you ASSUMED they were going to say something. Maybe they were just looking at you admiring how great you look for being 8 months pregnant? Maybe they were remembering their younger days and just having a moment of longing for that again...you don't know, but you are assuming they were judging you and assuming they were thinking negative thoughts. You lete yourself miss out on a good time because you were worried of what they would think. You are slamming them for essentially not doing anything other than looking at you. People look at people every single day, heck, I love to people watch! Sometimes I am not even actually looking at them, just zoning out. I personally think you just need to work on your own body issues before going back to the pool, or get a bathing suit that covers more if you are too self conscious and you think people are judging you for being pregnant in a bikini. Lastly, if people were judging @breezymeema7, that should just go to show that people will just say whatever and you need to let it roll off your back - have you seen her HDBD pics?! She is a hot mama with a slamming body (yep, totally bump crushing on you @breezymeema7) and I would kill for her body!

missmychard · July 2015

I don't think it had anything to do with them being negative about your body. It's a generational thing. My mom is in her late 60's and I would consider her to be generally hip, but she discouraged me (or tried to) from wearing a bikini in public. It wasn't even in a mean way, she was just shocked that I considered going to the pool in a bikini. It just wasn't done years ago. To the older ladies it's uncouth. Try not to take it personally. Rock that bump and go for a swim!

SashaDenn25 · July 2015

I agree its a generational gap that has caused them to sit and stare. This includes the boys who were making fun of breezymeema. They are younger and will one day have a pregnant wife and then understand. I have had some self esteem issues for the majority of my life. I always tell my husband if it werent for my strong inner child who loves cakes I would have an eating disorder. I seriously have the complex where you look in the mirror and see nothing but fat and that was at 135lbs at 5'5" (mind you I have always been atheltic so that was with a strong build as well). I have worn a bikini this pregnancy and said eff it. On days I dont feel great, I fake it that I do and you know what?? Eventually the fake goes away and I do feel great because ive made myself forget about the negative thoughts. You need to find what can make you forget about the negative thoughts to just enjoy yourself and your body and ignore people who arent going through your experience bc in reality generational gap or not people still have different opinions on what they would be comfortable with themselves in showing, but you do you and what youre comfortable with bc at the end of the day thats the only thing you need to worry about. You were fine with it before they looked at you, no reason you shouldnt be now.

xsunshinelady15 · July 2015

This is coming from a great place and from someone that also had some inner self doubt (in high school though, not as an adult!)

From the post, it does sound like the problem is two fold. Letting outsiders influence your thoughts and actions..that is like high school peer pressure. You are about to be a mother, it's time to grow up a little.

Read some self help books that focus on self esteem and can give you tools to deal with difficult situations. I can PROMISE you will not make the play ground circuit if you let what other people think influence you actions. People are assholes, that's a given! What they say shouldn't make you avoid doing something you want to do. Your kid would never leave the house if that was the case. Good luck and learn to let things roll off your back. I would have done a swan dive for their asses (if only I could swim LOL)

jlsweets · July 2015

Sorry you had to hear some unpleasant comments from the yentas as you say. Do you even know if they are Jewish or are you making assumptions? Sorry but that bothers me.

Putting that comment aside, you have to try and let it roll off your back and not obsess over the comments. Not trying to be mean here, but you are the one that decided to put the bikini on, you have to be ready to face the comments (although usually not heard) that may come your way. While I do agree that they were nasty comments being made , we like in a judgemental world. You have to be able to defend yourself and your decisions and not let it bother you.

Trust me, I get it even pre pregnancy I'm tough on my body even though I am in good shape there is always something that I think I could improve on. I've learned to not give a shit what other people think. Once you get to that point life becomes a lot easier!

Try not to let it ruin your day or prevent you from going back. If I avoided all the tough comments I received (profession related) I wouldn't be where I am today

puccagirl77 · July 2015

I spend a lot of time at the pool and I am a LOT bigger than you. I definitely draw some attention, but you know what? IDGAF! I didn't when I wasn't pregnant and I don't now. I'm not there to please other people, I am there to spend time with my daughter and cool off. If I had heard the bad-mouthing, I hope I would have made a joke about it ("watch out ladies, hear comes Shamu") to make them know they were being heard and rude. Honestly, I have had more people say things like "good for you, I never would have had the chutzpa to wear a swim suit when I was pregnant" than anything negative (I go to the pool at the Jewish Community Center

). So, you know haters gonna hate. Who cares?

meeshieb87 · July 2015

I had the same problem. I agree that it is a generational thing. I went shopping with my mom and decided I wanted to buy a bathing suit. She insisted I wear board shorts to cover up. It's just because of how they grew up. I saw the pictures, it was moo moos all the time. I do avoid going in a bathing suit when I'm around older generation family just to avoid the comments.

kettlekitten · July 2015

I have to agree with most of the PPs here. Honestly, who cares what other people say? Get in the pool if you want a swim! If you overhear someone saying something rude, say something to them to make it known that you heard them (rude or otherwise, depending on your mood I guess)... 'I might be pregnant but I'm not deaf,' might be a fairly benign starting point, or 'thanks for your constructive comments but I'm proud of my pregnant body, don't look at it if it offends you.'

If people are simply looking at you, well that happens to every pregnant woman. People look at other people, especially if there is something different about them. I've always got people gawking at my bump if I'm wearing something that shows it. At least that's temporary. Imagine if you had a skin disorder or burns to your face or something you were stuck with for life that people always looked at or commented on!!

A thicker skin is essential as you go into parenthood. The criticisms (inadvertent or otherwise) are only just beginning, and chances are you'll have much bigger problems come your way that will make this pale in comparison.

Edited to add: just re read the title of your post. Sorry that you are VERY upset about all of this and 'need support' but that seems like an overly dramatic response.

atthemoment · July 2015

People can be so rude dont let them ruin your relaxation time. Ive gained almost 50 pounds so far and if i heard them saying that to me i would have probably said something!

13itchyBride · July 2015

Ignore the old bitches! I think it's a generational thing. My mom is 70, and she was shocked I would even consider a bikini. She said no one wants to see a pregnant belly on display. I ended up with a one piece. Not because of her comments, but because I couldn't find a bikini I was comfortable in. Btw, she is one of those old ladies at her community pool. Haha

strauber · July 2015

I had pretty much written off getting in a bathing suit this summer. Then it hit 100 for three straight weeks. This weekend my husband surprised with a spa getaway to a place with a beautiful salt water pool. I packed a bikini and a long cover up not sure what I would feel comfy with. I am 38, in good shape but with bulging veins and cellulite galore and a history of having pretty crappy body self image so I was pretty wary. The pool was packed with a drunk wedding party and as I slipped off my cover up I waited for stares, comments, whispers. But nothing happened. It was all in my head. And the pool felt amazing! Honestly the best my back and pelvis have felt in months. I was a new person. And when I climbed out someone asked me how far along I was and told me I looked fabulous. I felt so good I wore my tightest maternity dress and 4" heels to dinner

Don't let your inner demons and assumptions get in your way. People may surprise you, or even better you might surprise yourself.

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Pool Problems/VERY upset/needing support (Long)

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