Anyone else having only one kid and wondering if you'll regret not having more?

Re: Anyone else having only one kid and wondering if you'll regret not having more?

• KatashaC member

  July 2015

  @dmland17 the daycare thing is a big factor for us too. I don't want my baby just going to anyone. With the expenses of his kids and then the baby I'm just not sure we could afford it. I think we will wait until after baby is born to make a permanent decision though.

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• KatashaC member

  July 2015

  @LaurenNewph sorry to hear you are having those problems. If I were going through the same thing I'm not sure I'd want to risk going through it again. Hope everything works out for the best.

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• KatashaC member

  July 2015

  @mcdonald-bailey our thinking is the same. If we did decide to have another it would be very soon. However that would put us in a bind as far as daycare. If I was a stay at home mom I'd probably lean toward having one more. But I work on a rotating schedule so hubby and I are only on the same shift for 6 weeks. I guess it will just be something we will have to think more about after she is born.

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• jnlebean23 member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  Im 33, hubby is 42. We are having one, I would like to have two but it's the cost of having a child that has made the decision for us. Where I live in northern Alberta, daycare for one child is $2000 a month! There's other factors that have helped to make this decision for us too.... I love my job and really don't want to be gone for too long...my career means a lot to me.
  
  All the best to everyone that posted on this thread, having an only child doesn't have to mean you raise 'that kid...spoiled rotten and not willing to share' that was my biggest fear, but it's all in the morals and values you teach them.

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• mamadeez member

  July 2015

  I'm an only child. My mom always wanted more. She had me at 28 and my parents ended up divorcing when I was two. It's very sad she never got her chance. She is 55 and goes on intense hikes in the wilderness and plays on 5-7 baseball teams a year so she could have handled kids later in life. Not everyone is like that.
  
  My partner wants another baby within a year after our first. He thinks only children have developmental issues and weird relationships with their parents... As I said I'm an only child. I did have socialization issues and a very close relationship to my parents but I don't think the multiple children model is superior. I'm not sure if I want more. I feel guilty because I grew up sad that I'd never be an aunty, and that when my parents died id be on my own if I didn't go the traditional route and make a family...
  
  I decided to make that choice later. It feels too huge of a choice for right now.

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• chelseajeanene member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  My husband is an only child, while I am 1 of 4. He's envies how we grew up and wishes his parents gave him a sibling. I feel if you're already thinking you may regret it then deep down you will want more one day. You don't have the make the decision now, if you have another then it happens, and if not then that's okay too

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• surprisepkg31 member

  July 2015

  I'm only wanting the is one child. I realize there are so many pros and cons and for now I can't imagine doing this again either. I'm 32 and unless things in our lives drastically change, I don't see a 2nd in our future. I think this day in age it is more realistic to have one than ever before. The cost of living, food, college, activities is atrocious! Do you struggle with 2 or more or give the one ample opportunity? I think with having one you must make sure your not being lazy in socializing them as well as not spoiling them. I do feel bad when I think about him not having anyone else when we die kind of thing. But I am not close w my brother and unfortunately barely see my niece and nephew. I've felt like an only child without the attention my whole life, playing a distant second to my brother. So just goes to show a second sibling doesn't always matter when it comes to growth. I am who I am because I was alone and figured things out for myself.

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• myspecialkid member

  July 2015

  Daycare is a big factor for us. We're having a girl and my brother had 2 girls. I kinda want to see if we can have a boy. Plus I want to see DH with a little boy. If we decide to downsize, we could swing it. Also I'm 35 and he's 38.

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• jwebbbber45678 member

  July 2015

  I think I can only afford one! I'm using all of my accumulated sick pay for this pregnancy and it took me six years to save it all up! Plus rent is very expensive where we live and I don't think we could afford a three bedroom house! Three of my close friends just had babies, so they can act as his surrogate brothers and sisters.

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• WDDCH member

  July 2015

  People judge you no matter what: if you have none, have one or have a dozen. It doesn't seem to matter. You will be weighed and judged in the eyes of others (which sucks but is true). So just do what you feel is best because no one else's opinion matters in the end. We aren't living your life. We're not all meant to be the same. And if people are worried about socialization I will tell you that it is what you make it. Not everyone needs a sibling to thrive in this world.

  

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• itsasapphire member

  July 2015

  I'm not exactly in the same boat but I used to always want three or four. Never less. And DH has always only wanted two. Now that we have our first and are working on our second, I'm completely set on only having two and I don't regret that at all. Two kids makes better sense for us in many different ways, just as one may make the most sense for you guys.
  
  That being said, I wouldn't get my tubes tied just yet. There are many other ways of prevention for the time being. DH actually wants a Vasectomy but I'm against it right now, I don't have a reason, I'm just not ready for that kind of permanent fix.

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• kalina27 member

  July 2015

  I'm 33 this year and we are expecting our first child. We are done after this one. I go back in forth in my mind about having an only child because I was one of three. But we really want to give this child the best of everything. I just hope she doesn't hate us for not giving her siblings. Plus, I'm getting up there in age and would have to have a second baby very quickly. I'm not ready to do this again anytime soon.

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• thefuturemrsdaniel member

  July 2015

  Well it's not deciding with one but 2. I'm the oldest of 5 and my husband the youngest of 4. We are only 26 (hubby) and 24 (me). Everyone assumed ands even I thought we would have at least 3 maybe 4 however that's no longer our thought. We aren't having anymore after this one. I have a little anxiety when not pregnant but this one I've had a hard time with it and depression. I know if I get pregnant again I'll have to go on meds. Also we've realized we want to be able to fully provide not only financially but emotionally for our kids and for us that means 2 kids. Plus delivery the first time was not the easiest experience so much so that I wad nervous to try again. We are getting judged pretty badly by his family for our decision but it's what's best for us. If one is good for you guys don't let others opinions change what you know is best for your family.

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• shelbydd member

  July 2015

  Age isn't really a deciding factor for us but my husband is 28 and I am 26. We were hopeful for a girl but since we found out we are having a son we are both very happy (no gender disappointment for us) Originally we always said we'd only have 1. My husband has 2 children from previous relationships, we've been married almost 7 years and it took us about 5 of those to finally decide to start trying. I'm happy about my son and definitely didn't have any negative feelings that he wasn't a girl but there's a part of me that hates the idea that I'll never have a girl. I know trying again wouldn't necessarily even change that but it is still a thought. I'll get over it, though. He's going to be having a vesectomy sometime after our son is born.

  

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• cjstats87 member

  July 2015

  I always wanted a big family...we have 2 and the 3rd on the way and I know our family is complete! I think you just have the feeling that all is perfect and there's no need to change anything, that may be with 1 or may be with 6. I couldn't imagine the devoted time spent with having 1 (mine are all 2 yrs apart) I sometimes feel pulled in a million directions as it is with life much less have more kids to need me! Lol! So much for that! Pray for me when sept rolls around! Ha

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• hatchback4g member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  So I have an older sister and she is now pregnant and is very firm in wanting this to be her only child and has gotten ALOT of opinions about it. I think that you should follow your heart and if you only want one child there is nothing wrong with that. Speaking to my sister while other people are sure she will eventually regret that decision I honestly don't think she will, she has put alot of thought into this decision and taken her age, health and other factors into consideration and decided that this is the best choice for her. As far as getting tubes tied, there are other ways to grow your family like adoption or surogacy (sp?) if you do happen to change your mind down the road, although if you are on the fence I would probably say it's not a good idea to tie your tubes quite yet. 

  eta:spelling ugh not awesome at that these days lol

  
  

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• napoli1 member

  July 2015

  I'm not sure what we are doing after this one yet. I have a 10 year old already, and I'm 35. (They say that after they are past 7 years old without a sibling, they are still an only child) This is my second marriage. We would like him to have a sibling, but there are logistical concerns, like daycare costs and do we have a desire to have a second one. Plus, my 10 year old has been an only child, and besides being bored sometimes, he does pretty well. I've been reading this book "one and only: the freedom of having an only child and the joy of being one" by Lauren Sandler. It's a good read. It will help you realize you are not damaging your child by not giving them a sibling their age. There are benefits to being the only one for you and the child. And it helps you examine your motivation behind wanting a second child. It should always be because you have the desire to have another one. Not because you think they need a sibling, or you think it's the right thing to do, or other family pressure. Good luck on your decision. And it's OK to take your time to think about it.

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• LaurenNewph member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  @WDDCH you are so right! We definitely live in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" world! I know just as many jerks/weirdos that have siblings as ones that are only children!

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• monicaP member

  July 2015

  I am dead set on our third, this LO, being our last. We always talked about three and I feel like now our family is complete. My only advice is to wait about six months after baby is born to make a permanent decision. There is so much exhaustion and hormone fluctuation right after that I wouldn't trust myself to make a permanent decision. If you are already sure though, go for it. Do what is best for you and your family.

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• LoveLee85 member

  July 2015

  I just turned 30, my DH is 31. I go back and forth with this to be our only child. I just want to enjoy this baby/kid for 3-4 years, then have another...But that would put me at 33-35 years old?! My main thing is I don't want to turn around and pop another out(like my DH wants) because I want to take the time and really enjoy this little boy!!
  
  I also JUST graduated with my bachelors degree and was really looking forward to working. I'm going to be a SAHM with this baby...if I wait too long, I'll end up a SAHM for YEARS straight?! That was never my plan. I'm such a planner so it's hard for me to just roll with it.
  
  It's just so much to think about. I'm trying not to get to into the decision right now. Time will tell!

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• rebeccabloomwood member

  July 2015

  I think that if you're wondering if you'll regret it because your family might not feel whole then just wait and see. If you're wondering if you'll regret it because of what people say then screw them. You know what feels right to you and if it feels right them just stay at one.

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• HWKI member

  July 2015

  I had DD at 35 after 2yrs of TTC. We weren't sure we wanted to get back on the TTC roller coaster again, so thought she would be an only child. We liked being able to give our total focus and all our resources to her. There are some wonderful books out there discussing raising only children and dispelling a lot of the stereotypes about only children (like research that showed OCs were more likely to share toys than kids with siblings ). I highly recommend arming yourself with these facts for all of the annoying comments people make - and no matter how well-behaved and generous your LO is they will make them. There are many proven advantages to being an only child. At 3 she began begging for a sibling and we still weren't quite decided. Now at 40 I am expecting our 2nd. DD, who will be 5 when LO arrived, is over the moon about the baby and we have the "family is complete" feeling. DD is very independent and we will only have one year of double daycare. People comment we are crazy to "start all over" but I think the age split is much easier than dealing with two in diapers. Just sharing because you have time to decide if your family is complete with just one, so just enjoy LO and ignore people's negativity.

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• APeart2014 member

  July 2015

  I am a FTM at age 38 and my DH is 44. We had given up on TTC and then we found out we were expecting. We are very excited and will love this little boy with all our hearts, but he will definitely be our only child. Between our ages and other factors, we both agree this is it. We have talked about it a lot to make sure we are both 100% on this decision as I will have my tubes tied. I have already signed paperwork to have the hospital do it if I end up needing a csection. Otherwise, my OBGyn will do it 6 weeks after delivery.
  I have received a LOT of judgement for this and have had people get feisty with me and tell me I will regret this. I just ignore it. Only my opinion and the opinion of my husband matters in this decision.
  It is absolutely up to you to decide what is best for your family. We have all learned by now that others are respectful of your actions, thoughts and personal space-unless you are pregnant! Lol. With that said, unless you are 100%, I wouldn't surgically prevent it. There are so many options available to us and our mates for birth control.
  Good luck!

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• KatashaC member

  July 2015

  Technically since my hubby has two kids already, our little girl won't be the only child. His two will be around enough for our baby girl to consider them as full blooded sisters. I never even thought I'd have kids, due to just not finding the right guy before. I finally did find "the one" and he's so great with kids. He's a good daddy and I love that about him. I think he wouldn't mind having one more even with him being 39. I guess it will be something we will have to decide later after our baby is born. I told him I wanted to wait to get a permanent fix and he seemed a little surprised at this. I go back and forth in my mind too about having just one more. Even though I thought I'd never have kids, I've still always thought it'd be nice to have one girl and one boy. But who's to say if we had another it'd be a boy. My hubby is pretty good at producing girls :-).

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• MW5280 member

  July 2015

  I go back and forth as well but I think we are currently thinking this will be our only one together
  
  We have two from DHs first marriage 51% of the time so I don't feel that this LO will feel completely like an only child.
  
  DH will be 36 soon and I'm 32. We aren't old by any stretch of the imagination but we can tell that age will be a factor. DH keeps saying he wants to be the same "strong" dad with this one as he was with the other two. Not entirely sure what that means...but he is working out again :-)
  
  I was 21 when pregnant with my first and there is a BIG difference between 21 and 32 in the world of being pregnant. Not sure how my body would handle another one in the next few years.

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• jbettles member

  July 2015

  I really feel like this is something you can't answer or decide til you are there, and your mind may change. We always wanted two, and after I had my daughter, we started trying again for another. Nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened... We got checked out and "nothing" appeared to be wrong with either one of us, but more in depth testing and methods of trying would get very expensive very fast, so we decided that we would be fine with just one if a second never happened for us. Truly, my daughter is perfect in every way in my eyes, and I would have been ecstatic with just her. About a year after that decision, when we were even starting to be happy about our only child and all the benefits that come with only one, I got pregnant! This was the holiday season, as it was for the rest of you, given we are due in September, and I had taken a break from charting, ovulation sticks, calendars, etc - it just figured, lol. But anyway, our current mindset is that we are done, but I also am open to changing my mind if it's in the cards.

  

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• smiversen member

  July 2015

  KatashaC said:

  I'm 28 and my hysband is 39. He has two other girls from a previous marriage and now we are due to have our baby girl in September. We were hoping for a boy, but we are happy our baby girl is doing good and is healthy. I have had thoughts of maybe trying again in about a year for a boy, but then have second thoughts as well since he's close to 40 and I'm getting close to 30. I'm wanting to pursue some fitness goals and another pregnancy would only set me back. Just wondering if anyone else had only one child and now regret not having more.

  My sister had her first boy when she was 33 and her second when she was 35. She would like to have more, but the first two were both IVF and they decided not to do that again (at this point in time anyways). I just wouldn't let age stop you or don't do anything permanent to keep you from having kids just in case you change your mind!

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