Stay at Home Moms
VanesiG
member
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*long* Staying at home mom with hubby that has "cabin fever"
VanesiG
member
So this is my first post and truthfully I'm not sure where to begin, so here it goes... I'm a FTM with a 2 month old. My husband and I have decided that I be a SAHM at leaSt for the first year and go from there. Obviously it's super early on in this whole parenting experience for he and I so there is still loads of adjusting being done but lately my husband has been getting "cabin fever" from being home with baby and I. Being that I am home all day every day with our son I miss having hubby around not just for myself but for our baby as well. We just moved to a new town a month prior to the baby's birth and we are about an hour or so away from all of our friends now, so it's really just been the two of us to hang out with each other. My husband has made comments that our son doesn't like him or that he likes me better which I find to be ridiculous. But if he isn't interested in putting in more quality time I'm not sure how he will learn all of our sons wants and needs and when they need to be met versus what I know. Of course being with him 24/7 gives me the advantage of knowing but I hate that hubby feels that way. He says we are 2 different people and that he can't just sit home all the time but he works monday-Friday, unlike me who is literally stuck inside everyday (currently without a second working car). I guess I'm just asking if I am being too needy right now or if my feeling annoyed with him is justified because our son is still so young? Any advice is greatly appreciated, I didn't know where else to turn to vent/ask about this. Thanks!
Re: *long* Staying at home mom with hubby that has "cabin fever"
The things that helped us the most were
1) giving DH a little while once he got home to come in change, relax. It was Only about 20 mins (felt like eternity to me) but it helped him and in turned he helped me more
2) get out and meet some mommy friends!! This is sooo hard espically because your baby is still so little and you only have one vehicle but go for walks. Talk to moms at the grocery store. The two moms I hang out the most with are a neighbor I noticed stayed home to so I just started knocking on her door asking her to join me for walks etc and a mom I met in the health section of the grocery store. Having a IRL person to connect with during the long days is a tremendous help.
3) I don't think your being to needy being a new mom is HARD being a SAHM is HARD. Honestly my husband didn't quite understand any of that until he took paternity leave when I returned to work for 2 months. That was a HUGE eye opener for him in understanding how hard and lonely SAH can be. Obviously your husband can't do the same but try and have a honest conversation with him. A lot of guys struggle to connect with their children at this age because mom is generally doing most of the work. We didn't leave the house much, if ever, the first few months because DD was so fussy but the few outing we took did help DH (though I was miserable to be honest) with the boredom of sitting around all day. We did a lot of walks too which was good for all of us!
I hope this is somewhat helpful! Good luck to you!!
When hubby is home, talk with him while you feed the baby. Catch up on each others day. He'll feel included during the baby's feeding time.
Definitely go for walks with the baby. Even if it's only 15 mins. It takes your mind off being stuck indoors.
Talk to your baby! I know it sounds weird because they can't really talk back, but you can tell your baby anything! Plus, baby is usually soothed by the sound of your voice anyways.
Find something that interests you. You need to set some time aside to keep you sane. Read a book, take a bath, got get a pedicure, have one afternoon where you get to go out and do something you enjoy. If you get lost in the mommy world and forget who you are, you could end up resenting hubby/baby for things they have no control over.
Try your local library. See if they have anything going on where you can get out of the house with baby.
Go for a walk. You'd be surprised what is around your house that you never see while driving somewhere. Go exploring!
Go back to school. I did this just months after DD was born and finished my AA and have almost finished my BAS. You can use this time to bump up your resume with classes at the local college!
Have a date night. Minimum of once a month, but I suggest once a week. One night a week get yourself dolled up (meaning something without elastic or spit up) and have baby ready for bed before or shortly after hubby gets home. Eat sonething that requires attention and talk with hubby. Drink a glass of wine if you want or a glass of juice. Be present with your hubby. Don't talk about work, baby, of the house. Really connect. You two could order takeout and have a picnic on the living room floor watching movies together or playing video games and beating each other. HAVE FUN! Once a month, go out on a date. As in out of the house with no kids.
Pamper yourself. Give yourself a mani/pedi. Go get your eyebrows waxed. Soak in a bubble bath with candles and lights out.
Finally, some days you will have to skip the housework to stay sane. There will be days when it's just overwhelming. You'll have to decide what's important. Baby will get sick and you'll have a mountain of laundry that goes unwashed bc baby just needs mommy snuggles. It's okay! You will need the break and feel better afterwards, though the mount laundry seems to have grown in seconds.