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September 2015 Moms
lfowler0702
member
MIL Advice
lfowler0702
member
I usually don't like to share my whole life history, but I really need advice. My husband and I are expecting our first baby together. We both have children from previous marriages. My father-in-law passed away 1 week before I found out I was pregnant and mother-in-law has not handled it well. In fact, she's seriously devastated my husband wouldn't stay at home and live with her (wish I was kidding). I have received multiple nasty letters, voicemails, text messages, etc. about how I took her son of 34 years away from her and how I "raped" him to get pregnant. Um, hello? I couldn't keep my 34 year old husband away from his own mother even if I really wanted to. Additionally, the last time I checked 34 is well above the legal age of consent.
Here's my dilemma. My parents are obviously infuriated over the way she's treated me. My mother is absolutely insistent that she cannot even step foot in the hospital when the baby is born. My mother has no clue but I invited her to the baby shower (which is tomorrow). Please pray about that one. I don't think she'll actually come but I never wanted her to be able to say I excluded her. So, I did a courtesy invite. But what to do about the hospital? How do I handle it? What do I do if she does show up? How do I keep the peace? I have to keep in mind this is my husband's mother annd she did just lose her husband. So, I'm trying to be patient and understanding and honestly just suck it up and bite my tongue for my husband's sake.
However, I'm not sure my family can do that. Also, the MIL will want to be very involved as she is a former NICU nurse of 35 years. Any and all advice would be appreciated and pray the shower is peaceful for sure!!!
Here's my dilemma. My parents are obviously infuriated over the way she's treated me. My mother is absolutely insistent that she cannot even step foot in the hospital when the baby is born. My mother has no clue but I invited her to the baby shower (which is tomorrow). Please pray about that one. I don't think she'll actually come but I never wanted her to be able to say I excluded her. So, I did a courtesy invite. But what to do about the hospital? How do I handle it? What do I do if she does show up? How do I keep the peace? I have to keep in mind this is my husband's mother annd she did just lose her husband. So, I'm trying to be patient and understanding and honestly just suck it up and bite my tongue for my husband's sake.
However, I'm not sure my family can do that. Also, the MIL will want to be very involved as she is a former NICU nurse of 35 years. Any and all advice would be appreciated and pray the shower is peaceful for sure!!!
Re: MIL Advice
BTW your MIL sounds like my MOM. She called my PASTOR when I moved out (at 26, mind you) to ask why he would "allow" me to do that and what she ever did to deserve to be treated like this. Because obviously I need my pastor's permission to move out when I'm 26 years old....
As an aside, I feel like we only have half the story: what does your husband say when he sees her letters or hears her accuse you of raping him? Was she always like this toward you? Does he want her there?
Prior to him passing on New Year's Eve she and I had a great relationship. We spent lots of time together and we did things with the kids. My husband and I did stay with her for a few weeks after the father-in-law passed away because he did everything for her. He wrote bills, managed the whole household, you name it. He did it. So she was kind of lost. Then we stayed at home for the first night and the next thing you know I was the "fornicating whore monger" who took her son from her. It's honestly the craziest most mind boggling thing I've seen.
And my parents frustration comes from the dozens of phone calls they've received overs the past few months from her bashing me. I can't help but to love her. She gave my husband life, but I sure would like to shake a little sense into her one good time!
But aside from that. Um no. She is taking her loss out on you. Everyone grieves differently but she has no excuse for being ugly especially now that you are pregnant. Have you tried having a heart to heart with her or has your husband talked to her about how her comments are uncalled for? If she hadn't suffered these losses would get behavior be acceptable? No. Hopefully you guys can get through to her before baby comes but I agree that during labor you don't need her drama. Or maybe threaten to take this issue up with her and the pastor. Lol doubt he would side with her craziness. Good luck and keep us updated.
It sounds like you're handling a difficult situation with a lot of grace. Kudos!
We had a situation with my in-laws after I had DD where DHs uncle was in the same hospital with complications from alcoholism. And people kept calling ME to ask if anyone had seen him and how he was doing. I started hanging up on them and telling people that if they were going to talk about Tom, then they could go to Tom's room and do it (they would argue in my room about whether or not he really was an alcoholic and what should be done about it.)
Years ago, my mom also snapped and did a total 180. At the time, my dad who is bipolar was in a bad cycle and trying to commit suicide so I think the stress pushed her over the edge and she hasn't been the same since. But anyways, I've found that a lot of times taking the "back road" when suggesting or asking her something is the best way to go because she doesn't get defensive.
As for the hospital, they can all behave or no one can come. Grief counseling and a mental health visit are in the works as we speak. She's suffered with depression and anxiety for a few years, but everyone is so right. This is different and to the extreme. It needs to be addressed prior to baby boy arriving.