Regrets

gerbies · July 2015

I don't know if others have felt this way, but I have moments when I am annoyed with myself for planning this pregnancy. I am happy I am pregnant; I am more uncertain about having another child with my husband. I don't know if it's hormones, but more often than not, I really don't like my husband. He is a challenge to be around and when I make efforts to do my own thing, he becomes more clingy. I have no desire for any affection from him and just want him to leave me alone most of the time. We have a 5 year-old son and I do my best to keep things even keel and positive around him. My husband knows this and tries to provoke me for attention around my son. For example: just now, I was lying in my bed with my son watching an episode of a Doc McStuffins before bedtime and my husband comes barreling in, disrupting the moment. He lays on the bed next to us and says, "How ya doing, Mom?" And grabs my upper thigh. He knows I wouldn't like that and I said, "please don't touch me like that." He proceeded to call me nasty and walked out. I am then left with explaining this interaction to my son. I simply said "that wasn't kind-it's not kind to call people names." I have tried to explain to my husband that his behavior is unacceptable and he just doesn't get it or acts annoyed by my feeling this way. It's this same cycle the whole pregnancy. I try to spend less time with my husband and then he acts out like a child. Sigh.

mandy903 · July 2015

A lot of women feel that way during pregnancy. Now that could be the root of this feeling. .. or your husband could be a Dbag. That sounds very irritating. I hate little passive aggressiveness to get under my skin. Have you told your husband you feel like he is purposely aggravating/provoking you? Maybe you two need to get some things off your chest. I would tuck your son away in bed and try to talk to him about it.

Cupcakesandquilts · July 2015

That sounds like a really tough spot to be in. It's probably hard to pretend to get along in front of your son. No advice, just sending good vibes your way.

NatalieBrooke2007 · July 2015

Hopefully it's just the hormones. I would be extremely hurt if suddenly my husband didn't want to be around and got annoyed by me. I'm sure I would act out.

gerbies · July 2015

I have spoken with/to him. He just rolls his eyes or says something like, "I know you're pregnant and you don't feel well and have all these hormones.,,don't take it out on me." I think he just might be a d-bag (though he wasn't always one). He's very immature in his communicative abilities...hence, the passive aggressive nonsense. He knows I can/will completely just separate myself from him...except when I can't around my son.

bucher1s · July 2015

Yikes. Thought I had a bad day! Sending positive thoughts your way

loveleighmami · July 2015

I'm sure there are other issues not addressed in your post, but I would be so frustrated if I were your husband. He shouldn't have called you nasty, but I can't imagine my spouse not wanting me. I hope for your sake it's just your pregnancy hormones, but you seemed to feel this way before the pregnancy? I would go to counseling if you are interested in saving your marriage. Sometimes we can make a bunch of little things into a big thing, or sometimes there's actually a big thing that needs addressed. Wishing y'all the best!

tuinstrab · July 2015

When I was pregnant with my first daughter I went to see a counselor due to issues with my husband. It really helped. Things are by no means perfect but definitely improved. It sounds like he needs a kick in the butt and you guys might need some new communication techniques like I did!

LiveNLove44 · July 2015

@gerbies, it sounds like a very frustrating spot to find yourself in, pregnant or not. I am a proponent of seeking a third party to facilitate a productive conversation if, as you mentioned, the conversations you've tried to have with him don't seem to go anywhere. I encourage you to seek support from a counselor of some kind so the two of you can address this difficulty head on. No matter how hard you work to keep it away from your son and your new LO on the way, your children absorb what is going on in their environment. If you aren't feeling good about the interactions, odds are that your children will pick up on that, too. The best thing you can do is to find a way to work on it with your husband in a mature, private conversation. It really sounds like seeking counseling would be beneficial for you two. No matter what happens, I wish you the very best. Marriage is not easy, and the challenges and pressures that come with pregnancy can make it that much more difficult. Get some sleep and see what you can do about it all after a night's rest!

Sbrouwer0706 · July 2015

It sounds to me like going to a counselor might be beneficial. While it may have to do with hormones it sounds like there also might be deeper issues there.

It may be that between your son and the one on the way he feels left out and is craving that attention. I am not trying to justify his behavior but big life changes can be hard on people. Going to counseling to learn new communication techniques could be helpful.

cbowen1020 · July 2015

I agree with the pp about the counselor, because it seems like you aren't getting anywhere by trying to have a conversation with him.

I went/am going through the same issues with my husband, who also is a bit immature when it comes to communication and disagreements that we have in general. But I also had to try to see things from his point of view, which can be hard, trying to step outside of my problems and how I am feeling in a given situation. I started to realize that the way I address issues with him wasn't always fair. I don't know if any of that relates to you, but I just think it can be hard for two people to meet in the middle of a problem sometimes.

I think a counselor or any trusted third party would be a big help to get a fresh perspective and new solutions.

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