December 2015 Moms

Fear ( Previous Loss Mentioned)

Hello Again Ladies,
     So this is my first, I guess, more serious post. I'm a little nervous, but I think talking about this with the audience we have in our BMB will be helpful. I just want to preface that I do NOT want to make anyone feel bad, sad or relive a their negative or sad pregnancy experiences. If at any point my question(s) and post do that, I genuinely apologize. That isn't why I'm asking what I am asking.  But here goes: I'm 27 and I will, God willingly, be blessed to give birth to my first child in December. I'm super excited, but I'm also very scared. When I was 18, while in a negative relationship situation, I was pregnant and I lost the child at 4 weeks on my 19th birthday. I'm blessed to have an awesome mom who supported me and stood by me the whole way. I'm currently reaching out to all of you because even though it has been almost 10 years since that experience, I am still really paranoid and afraid of losing my LO. Is this something that is common? Also, if anyone else deals with this fear and anxiety, how do you cope? I feel like anything I do, I have to be super cautious or fearful. Like I have to call the OB and get permission to do and eat things and so on... Maybe this is a silly newbie question, but I looked this up in our BMB for past posts on this...I didn't see any ( maybe I overlooked them?), but I'd like some advice please. Thank you in advance and again, I apologize if this stirs up any sad, negative, hurt or anything of that sort of emotion for you ladies. I really just want bond, and learn and participate. Hopefully, I don't hurt anyone. 
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Re: Fear ( Previous Loss Mentioned)

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  • @nik6499 Thank you for that. That explanation helped a bit. I think part of what made me so fearful was that I didn't understand why before a certain point loss had a higher chance of happening. Getting some info from more seasoned mom's and people willing to share their stories and info really helps. Thank you :) 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I can't begin to image what a mom who looses a baby goes through. Even at 4 weeks old, that baby was a part of you and always will live in your heart. Definitely don't be shy to talk about him/her; I've heard some women name their lost babies and its helpful with grieving. Does your OB know? Perhaps they could offer you some support or guidance on these strong fears and feelings you are experiencing. Good luck to you, mama!
  • @MrsBwIVF @Littleskittle4 Thank you ladies. I appreciate the support and advice. I will definitely look at the PGAL threads and groups. Thank you again *Hugs*
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • nik6499 said, unless you have a long history of miscarriages, one chemical pregnancy at 4 weeks does not mean you're predisposed to having more or have a higher likelihood of having more miscarriages. I had a chemical pregnancy too and my doctor said it's more common than women realize (many women don't even know and think their period is just late). Like PPs said, you're well beyond that now, and if you haven't had any issues and your OB is not worried, try to relax a little. Think about your baby and the joy it's bringing you and try to put some of the worry aside. You're ok today, and try to enjoy each moment as it comes. 

  • My RE was actually happy when I had a chemical he said it was more on the normal side of things less in the infertility side
    BabyFetus Ticker

    DD May 2005 MC Nov. 2012
    MC Aug. 2014
    Chemical Feb. 2015
  • @alejandraN2 thank you for your help. I guess I was also nervous because the possibility of having PCOS came up as well. I saw an endocrinologist who wasn't sure what was going on. So on some levels, this is my miracle baby. I got worried that I may not have been able to have a baby...hence my (in my mind) unfounded fear. Also, a family member of mine had lost 2 children back to back, and she was pretty far both times. I had not been exposed to loss in that capacity or several times ( my mother lost a child in womb when I was 23), so I think the heightened awareness also made me more fearful and anxious. 

    On another, more positive note, I'm glad that sharing is giving me the opportunity to bond with you ladies and make more connections, because I will remember you ladies for supporting me and will look for you on other boards to chat and stuff, I just wish it was a happier topic. It also helps to gain more knowledge from more experienced women and to learn how to support someone else who may feel like I have been feeling. Thank you :) 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I have never experienced a loss. But I can tell you that that hasn't stopped the fear and anxiety. I can't explain the fear and anxiety I feel before each appointment. I think it's really normal to have that anxious feeling. We don't understand what is happening in our bodies 24/7 and I think we accept the fear and bad side of things as a way to prepare ourselves. Before we had many symptoms (no flutters or kicking, etc.) I know that I worried because I just didn't know what to feel. Especially being my first time at this point I don't fully understand why I feel certain things or what to expect. So I want to encourage you to just take each day as it comes. Once you start to feel flutters and kicks consistently you get that loving reassurance and I know that that has helped me a lot!
  • I had a previous loss very early as well. I am a very paranoid person in general so I think even if I hadn't experienced a loss I would be feeling the way I do. I absolutely HATE the time between my OB appointments. I hate not knowing what is going on with my baby. I am hoping things get better once I feel the baby start moving but right now it's so scary. I wish I had some words of advice for you, but I can tell you that I definitely empathize with what you're feeling. I wish I could just get her out here with me so I could know she was ok!
    It is a bit comforting to know that we are past the "danger zone" and it's highly unlikely that something bad will happen. When I start to freak myself out I have to remind myself of that and as long as I am not bleeding or cramping things are ok.
    I hope things get better for you! You're not alone and I'm glad I'm not crazy for feeling this way haha
  • First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost twins last June at 23 weeks. I suddenly just went into labor and there was nothing to be done to stop it.
    I was very lucky to have family and friends who were so supportive, and a support group of people that have become friends. One of the things that helped me most was talking with others about my babies.
    I still have massive anxiety with this current pregnancy, but I've sought out the best care possible, and that's all I can do. We have a Pgal page, and in fact, there are Pgal boards on the bump too, which can be very helpful.
    Keep talking, seek answers, and don't be afraid of offending others. Your babies are important. Both this one and the one that passed. Hugs.
  • Having experienced 3 miscarriages myself, my husband and I go week by week. Every Saturday (our ticker change day) we read the new weeks blurb together. And every Saturday we do a little dance of celebration. I know it sounds silly but it has really helped me with the anxiety. I just have to get to next week instead of worrying about my appointment in 4 weeks or 6 weeks or whatever. But part of me knows I won't relax until my beautiful baby is safe in my arms. Feel free to PM me with any questions. Best of luck to you and your LO.
  • I suffered a lost at 8 weeks in Jan of this year, my body didn't reject the baby as normal resulting in a missed miscarriage, so when I found out three months later I was pregnant again I immediately began to worry. I prayed nightly asking God for a viable pregnancy, I'm now 16 weeks and my little girl is doing well. After my ten week appt the fear of losing my LO dropped a lot and I was able to start enjoying my pregnancy. I understand your fear OP, but like PP said you are pregnant today and that's what counts enjoy each day for what it is, don't live in fear of what could be.
  • Jonesy288 said:

    Hello Again Ladies,

         So this is my first, I guess, more serious post. I'm a little nervous, but I think talking about this with the audience we have in our BMB will be helpful. I just want to preface that I do NOT want to make anyone feel bad, sad or relive a their negative or sad pregnancy experiences. If at any point my question(s) and post do that, I genuinely apologize. That isn't why I'm asking what I am asking.  But here goes: I'm 27 and I will, God willingly, be blessed to give birth to my first child in December. I'm super excited, but I'm also very scared. When I was 18, while in a negative relationship situation, I was pregnant and I lost the child at 4 weeks on my 19th birthday. I'm blessed to have an awesome mom who supported me and stood by me the whole way. I'm currently reaching out to all of you because even though it has been almost 10 years since that experience, I am still really paranoid and afraid of losing my LO. Is this something that is common? Also, if anyone else deals with this fear and anxiety, how do you cope? I feel like anything I do, I have to be super cautious or fearful. Like I have to call the OB and get permission to do and eat things and so on... Maybe this is a silly newbie question, but I looked this up in our BMB for past posts on this...I didn't see any ( maybe I overlooked them?), but I'd like some advice please. Thank you in advance and again, I apologize if this stirs up any sad, negative, hurt or anything of that sort of emotion for you ladies. I really just want bond, and learn and participate. Hopefully, I don't hurt anyone. 


    Ok so I'm hoping this will make you feel better, and yes in ripping open some old wounds, I had a missed miscarriage at 9w 3d after being raped at 15 years old by the guy I was dating. No one knew I said no, no one knew about the knife because it was date rape. My family would have felt a lot different about me carrying or trying to carry if they knew before I lost her. That was 13 years ago, I still collapse into a puddle of tears and guilt any time I think about her. I'm finally starting to deal. In addition to that I was told there was a 1 in 1,000,000,000 chance I would ever be able to get pregnant on my own, and if I did I would lose it.(case and point I've had 5 chemical pregnancies since the age of 21 when I started trying to get pregnant again). I do not discuss my chemical pregnancies because if I thought of all of the loss than I would completely fall apart because I can barely handle seeing the sonogram pictures of the pregnancy that was more real than I got a positive pregnancy test, and I always got my period within 24 hours, enough to realize what was wrong. I was straight out told from doctors my pregnancy was a medical abnormality because it shouldn't have worked. My tubes were too clogged from my stage 4 endometriosis, my uterus is seriously retroverted, my uterus was messed up from my last pregnancy from an infection that came after and from endometriosis destroying part of the walls. Yet here i am 20 weeks and some change pregnant with a very healthy baby girl according to my anatomy scan yesterday. Do I worry, yes. Do I annoy the living hell out of my SO by always thinking something is wrong, yes. Am I going to stop until I give birth, probably not since I'm high risk and I have high risk for preeclampsia.

    Your not alone everyone's journey is different those with losses or who had trouble conceiving are those who appreciate their journey to parenthood more, but it doesn't mean there is ever any right way to do it.

    My mom had a chemical pregnancy before my sister, she swears she wasn't nervous with my big sister, but I know she was when little things come up. Her due date with my sister was a day before mine is now, so we are about the same age (I'm a little older than she was by like 5 months at the time) and have pretty much the same due date 31 years apart both with little girls, I just pray I don't have a mini version of my sister since she has a mini version of me.

    Take one day at a time, ask your doctor for some good reading material on pregnancy, what to expect I hear is a great book. I've been through it with so many friends and family members I know who to ask about what, but every pregnancy is different so the nurses line at my doctors is my life line some days.
  • I had a loss this Jan at 9 weeks and was devastated. I never got back to normal (no period, no signs on a cycle). To get meds from the doc to "start again" I had to take a pregnancy test & somehow in that time got pregnant without trying. I "tried" and calculated ovulation days, etc with my DS and the MC - so I didn't believe them. I actually got really upset like my doc was joking with me. It's a mental thing. Even though I have a toddler I still had a loss and it doesn't leave you. I question everything. This pregnancy feels like a "gimme". Even with another heartbeat yesterday I'm still waiting for something to happen which is awful. A friend asked me when I'd stop worrying and I said "when I'm holding a f*cking baby". The great thing about this group is no one is ever alone with these thoughts. Good luck to all the future moms of rainbow babies (& really, all the future moms!)
  • All in the same boat sweetie, your not alone
  • I think any of us who have had losses can certainly relate. Even though I know the statistics, I still worry. The anxiety has calmed down, but it's still in the back of my mind. I'm hoping after my anatomy scan I'll be able to fully relax and enjoy pregnancy, but until then I'll be nervous. Best wishes to you and everyone else who has suffered losses. It's a pain you can't understand unless you've been through it.
  • kimb311kimb311 member
    edited July 2015
    I am just echoing what others have said, but many of us live with the constant worry and anxiety that having a MC brings. You are not alone. I highly recommend getting involved with our weekly ( or sporadic) PGAL check-ins on this board. We are a pretty awesome group of strong sensitive women. And I know I look for their support whenever I'm feeling anxious. We understand. I honestly couldn't have gotten out of the first tri with out them! Ok, I'm getting tearyeyed now. But seriously, come join us!
  • I think it's understandable for you to worry but we all have to remind ourselves that we have no control over our pregnancies. I had a loss last April and a chemical in February and it was tough getting excited to only have it taken away but as each week goes by for this pregnancy, it allows me to have more faith that this might be it. Take time to enjoy it, take it day  by day and I wish you the best. 
    Due 11.16.17
    Baby Girl 12.9.15
    MC 2.1.15 @ 5 W - Chemical
    MC 4.7.14 @ 21 W - Turners Syndrome

  • We all have the same fears so you are not alone.  I've experienced losses as well and I know the heartache it causes.  I just keep telling myself that I'm doing the best for my baby everyday and it's out of my hands should, god forbid, something go wrong.  The stress and anxiety is not doing any good but I know the struggle.   I just keep celebrating each little milestone and it's becoming easier to breathe each day.  I'm just trying to enjoy life and hope for the best. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    Me:34      DH:41      1 son: 6       2 step sons: 18, 12

    BFP: 4/24/08 - Missed Miscarriage found 5/29/08

    BFP: 11/21/08 - DS born 7/13/09

    BFP:5/8/14  - Chemical pregnancy

    BFP: 4/11/15....stick baby stick!!!

  • Just echoing what everybody else has said, which is that your feelings of anxiety are completely normal. I agree that being PGAL is difficult one needs support.
  • Hi Ladies

    I do understand, I've lost 2 boys myself and so far the 3rd baby is holding on.  I still get very nervous and I try to be very careful.  My prayers are with you that you will have a healthy beautiful baby.

  • Thank you so much for this post! @Jonesy288 you are definitely not alone in your fear and worry, and the last few days my old fears have been rearing their ugly head. I'm 19 weeks today and am going to a specialist, so I had my anatomy scan at 17 weeks, and let me just tell you, @Embuzz247 from experience, you still probably won't fully relax after the as (if you're anything like me... not trying to bring you down, just want you to know if you aren't completely relaxed you aren't alone...)
    I had just started to feel the baby move, and for the last few days haven't, and while I know that's still normal at this stage it worries me. 
    Reading other posts of like minded people who are still doing well despite previous losses and worrying is a little bit relieving. Always great to know other people are going through it too.
    I agree with pp's, we probably won't fully relax until we are holding our healthy little babies. They say the safest place for baby is the womb, and I'm just sad that I don't feel that way. 
  • I had an early loss in 2008. Since then I've had two healthy children and have no reason to think this will be any different. But with this pregnancy I have the exact same due date as the pregnancy I lost and I just can't relax. I have my anatomy scan in 4 days and I just want it to be healthy baby! I think everyone who's ever had a loss just wants pregnancy to be over and to hold their babies! Roll on December! xx
  • I agree that the fear and anxiety is something we have all experienced. There's no reason for me to believe anything is wrong with LO, but every time I have a doctors appointment, I'm fine up until they pull the Doppler out and I start to panic a little inside, hoping they find the HB. It's totally normal, and it's okay to worry a little, it shows how much you already love your little one.
    A lot of the ladies on here have experienced a loss, and although I have not, I've seen how comforting and helpful they are and genuinely care. Try to relax and enjoy making a little human, next thing you know, you'll be holding your little bundle of joy in your arms =]
  • I also have a very similar story...got pregnant 10 years ago in a not so great relationship and had a loss at 7 weeks. When i found out in January that i was pregnant i was terrified and my worst nightmare happened again at 6 weeks we lost our baby. When i got pregnant again in March i sorta disconnecting from the pregnancy. Then at 6 weeks i saw two little heartbeats and my heart melted. The fear never goes away..but we must enjoy the time that is given to us and our children. Currently i have two angel babies and two here with me. I value all the time i get with them.you must take it one day at a time.
  • Wow Ladies,
       I've been running around a lot today, but I finally got to sit and see these responses. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for the support. I really appreciate it and I am happy that we are all here and connect with each other and show support. I'm showing my fiance how this board has been so supportive, and loving. He always makes fun of me, saying I'm a bump addict, but now he understands why. I really do appreciate you ladies, even when we may not agree on other threads and ideas. I'm happy that I chose to reach out. I look forward to us all participating in more positive and happy threads in the future. I wish you ALL happy, healthy pregnancies, with beautiful babies born to you at the end of your 9 months. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • @susiaustin @bluelilly9 Ladies thank you sharing. I'm so sorry that my post made you relive anything or rehash old feelings. I actually feel honored that you ladies would go back to those memories to help me, or anyone else for that matter. It is extremely brave of you and I appreciate it greatly. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • @jonesy288 I help all of my friends who have had losses, and even some enemies it's the only time I discuss it. I remember when my sister lost her 2nd pregnancy she was 6 weeks and refused to even let her husband pick her up at the hospital (he was home with their 6 month old) she wanted me to, because I "understood". I'm getting better dealing with it as I get older and luckily SO doesn't take my abuse (extremely moody) to heart he knows it's hormones and brings me snacks to make me happier.
  • It's sometimes nice to talk about the little ones we have lost, I don't want to forget about my little angel baby, but to remember life goes on and now we have our little rainbow baby to look forward to.
  • I miscarried last year at 12 weeks after trying for 2 years. I've been apprehensive this whole time now. I'm 42 so it's not like I have a lot of time to try again and it wouldn't be worth it for me.

    I get panicky before every midwife appt that there won't be a heartbeat.

    I hate that question if this is my first child because it has not come out yet and if I say yes, it's like dismissing my miscarriage and if I say no, then explaining is needed when they ask how old my kid is. ugh.
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