Am I over reacting

melthompson10 · July 2015

so my boyfriend has another child and he is 2 years old( who I love dearly).. This will be my first baby and I am super excited! I'm 12 weeks 5 days!! Anyways But when I talk to him about a baby shower and things like birth he always tells me what him and his other sons mother did and that annoys me I don't care to hear about ur life with her... This is new to me and I just don't care to hear about when he had his other baby shower blah blah blah.. Am I over reacting??

mamaclownface · July 2015

I don't think you are over reacting. I think at this stage in our pregnancies it's harder for our partners to be super involved/ understand what we're experiencing (They can't see or feel the baby yet) so he's probably just trying to relate to the pregnancy.

Maybe just tell him that him relating this pregnancy to his ex's ishurting your feelings. Good luck!

cjd&k · July 2015

I agree with @kylelee23. You're not doing anything wrong by being upset because you obviously want to enjoy this and do things the way you want to and of course with your hubby. Hearing about what he's done before is the way I think he's just trying to relate, but I agree it isn't a good way to do so. Just explain to him you don't really want to hear about what he has done with his first child throughout your whole pregnancy.

peppercorn16 · July 2015

I agree with PPs that you're not over-reacting, but also want to add that he's a man, and when you mention these things, he is drawing on whatever experience he has with them. It sounds like (as it would be with most men) that his experience is very limited (to the birth of his child), so he's just trying to help in the only way he knows how. It's likely that he doesn't think much of it, but I would just tell him you appreciate the input but are bothered by the mentioning of his ex and the pregnancy and would like for you guys to do things your own way and make your own memories!

QueenCarlissa · July 2015

No I don't think your doing anything wrong no one likes to be compared to anyone's pass point blank period pregnant or not pregnant. I say just tell him yall are two different people and need to be treated as such.

ChrissyD1203 · July 2015

I don't think you are overacting.

steph_pegasus · July 2015

Um, no. You're not overreacting at all.
Just tell him you want to do things a different way for this baby.

melthompson10 · July 2015

Thank u guys so much this makes me feel a lot better i will just talk to him and let him know I want to make our own memories and our own1st times! I really appreciate the feed back!! I can understand he is just trying to help but sometimes I don't want to reminisce about his old relationships!

sck601 · July 2015

When I got pregnant with DD, my DH (bf at the time) had a 3 year old daughter. If he compared my pregnancy to his ex wife's, I would have been livid. You are not overreacting at all.

mysquishy18 · July 2015

I think this is a really normal but highly insensitive response for men. I hear people do it all the time at work in L&D. Everyone else is right in that you should talk to him. I think your feelings are valid and should be considered. Good luck!

l4rk · July 2015

Yeah, I feel the same way when my boyfriend tries to give me advice based on what he and his ex did. I know exaaaaactly what you're going through. I have to bite my tongue to remain civil whenever he starts talking about it. Listen man, I don't want to do things the way your mentally ill deadbeat former girlfriend did! And if I do want to do them the same way, I certainly don't want to know about it!

BabyRut2015 · July 2015

No way not over reacting, it's your first time going through this!! And no one should put a damper on it, or make it any less exciting. And I'm sorry...but no I sure as HELL don't care what your EX did.... nope....don't tell me, don't care.

Enjoy your experience, tell him to hush!

nikkiirmen · July 2015

My DH has a 10 yr old DS from his previous marriage and it was a very traumatic pregnancy/birth. His ex was put on bed rest for the majority of the pregnancy, his DS was born premature and spent quite a bit of time in the NICU. My DD was born 7 years ago and it was the easiest pregnancy and birth I could have imagined. My DH will bring up his past experience because he is scared it could happen to us now and that is is only point of reference when it comes to pregnancy. To be honest it doesn't really bother me, I reference my first pregnancy too...its what we both know. Neither of us go into the daily details of what it was like with the exes though, so maybe that helps

Mamabeagle · July 2015

Yes, I think you are overreacting if you haven't shared how it makes you feel with him. All you've said here is that it bothers you, not that you've had a calm conversation with him about your feelings. He's talking about it with you based on his experience, and showing interest by doing so.

KFrob · July 2015

I don't think you are at all but as others have mentioned I would have a heart to heart about it. I'm in a very similar situation. This is my first and he has one with his ex wife who is 2 1/2. I was very clear from the beginning that I will be extremely sensitive about this being his second time around while everything is new and special to me. He's been very good about expressing how this time is very different for him and nothing like the first time and its new and special to him also. This helps me so much and I'm glad its something we've talked about so resentment doesn't build up.

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