Telling work

kaos16 · July 2015

Is it awful that i'm thinking of not saying anything to most of my colleagues, and just waiting until they notice and inquire if they do? I have told three friends at work, they will not say anything to anyone. Unfortunately, I cannot tell my closest friend at work because everyone will know within ten minutes. I plan to tell my direct supervisor because she is in charge of approving days off for appointments and whatnot, and she needs lead time to make sure we are not short bodies while I am out.

Other than that, I just feel like I work in such a gossipy office where everyone has an opinion that they want to force on you. I know i'll be getting it eventually, I'm just trying to prolong the inevitable. The pro-breastfeeding moms have been described to me as "cultish". They will corner you and tell you repeatedly why you have to breastfeed and it's the only way to go, etc. I am more of the mindset that each individual mom should know the pros and cons of any aspect of pregnancy/child rearing and make the decision that works best for them.

Overthinking much?!

ccoleeman · July 2015

Totally get it. I work with mostly men but I only told the people who NEED to know (management) and that's about it, they've been surprisingly good about keeping quiet. I actually expected a lot more gossip but it's been staying under wraps. Given that I work with guys, I did also endure some comments like prior to pregnancy"whoa, maybe no horizontal stripes for you for awhile" or "did you just eat chipotle or are you knocked up?" I'm always prepared with comebacks of course

but with this, plus hormones, I'd rather the news just get out via my physical changes vs an official announcement, I have a feeling my tolerance for dude humor is exceptionally low right now. I say, stay in control of your secret and reveal it (or not) however you choose

emililyha · July 2015

I'm a teacher and not telling anyone until
I return to work late August. I figure it's not like anyone will do anything about finding me a sub until we get back anyway. Plus it feels super weird for me to just call my boss over the summer and be like "heyyyyy.... So I'm pregnant".

kaos16 · July 2015

emililyha said:

I'm a teacher and not telling anyone until I return to work late August. I figure it's not like anyone will do anything about finding me a sub until we get back anyway. Plus it feels super weird for me to just call my boss over the summer and be like "heyyyyy.... So I'm pregnant".

That reminds me. . . . I always feel like an attention whore when I tell people. It's like hey, look at me, I'm pregnant!!

steph_pegasus · July 2015

@kaos16 I'd keep it to myself as long as possible too.
Introvert here, so I don't like it much when people ask every time they see me how I'm feeling or others about our parenting decisions. None of your business, thanks! Lol.

JCGMPGOGG · July 2015

@kaos16, It's like I wrote this post word for word... I feel EXACTLY the same way, I'm "stuck" in the same situation, and kinda just waiting for the first person to start looking at me funny.
Everyday it will just be the same set of questions. I can't stand the constant center of attention. I know I should eventually say something, but these women can be very cliquey and caddy. And to think there are women who look forward to this day, I kinda wish I were one of them!! It would just be so much easier!

kaos16 · July 2015

jilliantschoepe said:

@kaos16, It's like I wrote this post word for word... I feel EXACTLY the same way, I'm "stuck" in the same situation, and kinda just waiting for the first person to start looking at me funny. Everyday it will just be the same set of questions. I can't stand the constant center of attention. I know I should eventually say something, but these women can be very cliquey and caddy. And to think there are women who look forward to this day, I kinda wish I were one of them!! It would just be so much easier!

I'm excited to have told my friends and family. That was great. This, not so much! It doesn't help that another woman in my department is due in October and I am privy to people already making comments about her. "She shouldn't eat that" "Why is she wearing those heels, they are too high" etc.

MommaB16 · July 2015

I would wait until people ask you.
I don't plan to tell anyone expect my boss. Mostly because I won't have to, my boss will tell everyone that walks into the room for the next month.... And he's a guy....
I could tell my (male) boss tomorrow before the end of the day, and next week I'm on vacation all week... Or wait until I get back. Which should I do? HOW do I tell him? He's been my boss for 2 1/2 years and has made numerous comments to myself and my co-worker (the only ladies) that he didn't want anyone pregnant as long as he is there... So how do I approach THAT?! :,( Of course it upset me while I was trying to get pregnant to hear that, and it obviously didn't stop me. But I really wish I could think of a better way to tell him than just walk into his office and blurt out I'm pregnant, here's my due date, and then sit in silence right in front of him....
I would love to have the task of telling him done before vacation, but I just don't think I can do it.

SummerOH · July 2015

Right there with you. I'm not telling work til at least 16 weeks if I can hold out that long ( third timer here). Even if you work in a nice office, once people know they flood you with questions and unsolicited advice every.damn.day. I know people mean well, but being asked how I feel, the sex, or the name 15 times a day (no exaggeration) gets old. We also haven't told family because of this.

narissa2013 · July 2015

Ive told my boss but no one else. Two of my coworkers are also pregnant and due in january and im just delaying joining the club as long as possible. Work is the one place where i get to still be me and not treated like a fragile person and i like that.

Veronicab1985 · July 2015

I told my boss weeks ago, but that's because I work full time and will want to go back to part time after baby is born. Trying to save up some money while I have the chance before going back to two days a week in the winter. Everyone I work with knows now. People

have been pretty nice about it, except just one person who doesn't believe pregnant women should be working. I was pretty angry at him. I don't get paid to sit on my a$$ at home on the couch. Staying at home is a luxery most people don't have. I would rather be earning money anyways...as long as I am perfectly capable.

jessielynn1 · July 2015

I'm not telling anyone at work until my water breaks lol. Well that might be an exaggeration but I'm not telling anyone except my boss and I'm trying to hold off as long as I can. Reason being I just went back to work 3 weeks ago. I came back from my one year maternity leave early so that I could bank my hours to qualify for maternity for this LO.

Veronicab1985 · July 2015

I wish I could get away with people not knowing, but my job is SO public. I speak with hundreds of people a day. I can't even eat in privacy without people watching me. I also like the quiet life, but I guess I picked the wrong job, haha. At least I don't live where I work...so I won't get recognized.

cjd&k · July 2015

I completely agree with you! I told my managers, but don't plan on telling anyone else I work with. I'm sure they have guessed considering I've had terrible sickness, but they'll find out when I start showing. I'm not close enough with any of them to share such exciting news.

BethP321 · July 2015

I just got my job back and a couple people there caught wind of my baby secret. I came in to work one morning and had a few people ask me why I didn't tell them I was pregnant (because I didn't want to yet?.. too late now..) So I had to tell my boss before he heard it from someone else. He was happy for me and the day before he wanted to see how I felt about a promotion so I asked if the pregnancy would have any affect on the promotion and he said no. It's not affecting my work hours, I'm getting full time hours still and so far I'm getting all of my days off for doctor appointments and such, so I feel comfortable having told him. Don't tell unless you are ready. I wanted to tell later, but the rumors flying made me tell sooner

failuretofly · July 2015

This kind of not along the same line of thought, but I didn't see the point of starting a whole new thread to ask. Etiquette-wise, do you think I should go see my manager in person to tell them or would an email suffice? FTM here wondering what's typically appropriate.

cjd&k · July 2015

@kvacmak I feel seeing them in person is a lot easier and more appropriate. I work with my manager every day so I do understand in other work environments it could be different. Good luck.

MommaB16 · July 2015

kvacmak said:
This kind of not along the same line of thought, but I didn't see the point of starting a whole new thread to ask. Etiquette-wise, do you think I should go see my manager in person to tell them or would an email suffice? FTM here wondering what's typically appropriate.

Embarrassing but honesty here.... I decided yesterday I'm telling my boss in a text message. Every time I think of telling him in person my stomach turns, and I just can't keep feeling like that. I actually think I could get sick if I told him in person. So after we finish telling family, and I'll be off on vacation for week, I'm giving him a heads up via text message. Professional? No. But I'm not discussing a work issue with him, I'm telling him about a personal medical condition. So honestly, if you're super uncomfortable telling your boss in person, send an email. My thoughts are, there's a reason we're uncomfortable telling in person, and it's not just us that made it that way.

failuretofly · July 2015

MommaB16 said:

This kind of not along the same line of thought, but I didn't see the point of starting a whole new thread to ask. Etiquette-wise, do you think I should go see my manager in person to tell them or would an email suffice? FTM here wondering what's typically appropriate.
Embarrassing but honesty here.... I decided yesterday I'm telling my boss in a text message. Every time I think of telling him in person my stomach turns, and I just can't keep feeling like that. I actually think I could get sick if I told him in person. So after we finish telling family, and I'll be off on vacation for week, I'm giving him a heads up via text message. Professional? No. But I'm not discussing a work issue with him, I'm telling him about a personal medical condition. So honestly, if you're super uncomfortable telling your boss in person, send an email. My thoughts are, there's a reason we're uncomfortable telling in person, and it's not just us that made it that way.

It's not even that. It's that I work primarily nights and weekends and management works business hours. I just think they'll hear through the grapevine before I get a chance to meet them in person.

mrsnc · July 2015

As a teacher, our HR department is very familiar with maternity leaves and they stress that they want to know ASAP to find subs. I plan to call my boss in a week so that she'll find out from me instead of hearing from the HR department. I think the biggest thing is that your boss hears it from you and not through the grapevine of rumors that may spread.

BethP321 · July 2015

kvacmak said:
This kind of not along the same line of thought, but I didn't see the point of starting a whole new thread to ask. Etiquette-wise, do you think I should go see my manager in person to tell them or would an email suffice? FTM here wondering what's typically appropriate.

I would at least give him/her the courtesy of telling them in person. Pick a day just to come in early and tell them and get it out of the way. I was nervous about telling, but it's better than hearing through other people, I wanted him to hear it from me. And that's exactly what I said (my interview/hiring date was less than a week before I told him) "I wanted you to hear it from me first, but people are starting to talk.." or something to that extent. In short, it's much better in person than text.

missperky · July 2015

Another teacher here. I was planning on telling my principal just before our employee meet and greet picnic Aug 1st. Which would have put me at 16w+, but she invited us in for an early workshop next week so I guess I'll be telling her then. I would feel awkward not telling her and then next week being like "oh ya by the way..."

colomom2 · July 2015

I work in an accounting firm and being gone for tax season is going to be a huge detriment to my team. I approached my boss at week 12 and told the remainder of my team (5 others all men) during a luncheon. In my case specifically, the team I work on will need some time to adequately train someone. As far as the rest of my colleagues are concerned, I have no intention of spilling the beans.

I'm not one who looks for special attention.

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