NBR: Becoming a Stay-at-home mom. Sorry it's long.

Re: NBR: Becoming a Stay-at-home mom. Sorry it's long.

• mac-n-cheesy member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  It's a hard thing to let go of a job/career, especially since it's something you seem to be passionate about. Working with your DS, the pregnancy hormones, and just mourning the loss of a career outside the home (no matter how much you want to be a SAHM) likely all play a part. You are one of the lucky ones who can make it work financially (as am I; I gave up a guaranteed spot in pharmacy school to be a SAHM when this--and our first--little one makes her appearance in the world).
  I think it's such an amazing thing to be present in your children's lives in a way that not many people have the opportunity to have. That your husband is fully behind you as well is awesome. Instead of teaching other LO's you will now get to fully impart your wisdom of the world to your own children.
  Believe me, I know it's hard to give up on a dream. Never in my life did I consider stopping at a B.S. in genetics and biotechnology cert. Medical school was my dream (and completely realistic) and pharmacy school became my compromise since there is one in our city and my husband will take over his family's 40+ year old trucking business when his dad retires. Besides being a self-taught diesel mechanic/tech, he is A&P certified (an airplane mechanic, welder, and the list goes on. It took awhile to accept discontinuing my schooling to raise this LO to come and hopefully a sibling but I've come to accept that I:
  1. Am extremely lucky.
  2. Am the most qualified person to raise my child in the manner in which we feel they should be raised.
  3. We all make sacrifices in life; pharmacy school, teaching jobs, and other careers will always exist, but our offspring's childhood can never be "put on hold."
  Give yourself time to cry and to grieve. You are losing something but gaining something so much greater. I have a feeling that with time the negative emotions will be replaced with the excitement you had anticipated.
  
  *edited for my lack of attention to autocorrect*

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• bluelily9 member

  July 2015

  I never planned on being a SAHM. Before baby #1 I was a product + packaging designer for a NY gift company and and jewelry company here in RI. I loved both jobs creativity and worked a ton of hours. I never thought I'd give up "my career", my career minded mom is still shocked. But my DH said we could afford it and daycare was a big expense so I quit 6 mo pregnant, got a part time design job I still do from home + an Etsy shop - and now I'd never go back! If you can swing it, it's a true gift to stay home and not everyone that wants to can. You may get lonely at first. I joined a local mom's Meetup.com group (another thing I said I'd never do) & met some of my best friends. You can always go back to work but you can never get this time back, that's how I look at these first years. Good luck - it's a big decision!

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• GalLaura member

  July 2015

  I've been a SAHM now for 2 years. The other day. I cried like a baby over my former career. I world on the arts in NYC in a once in a lifetime job. I couldn't believe my response. A lot of our careers (especially when you love your job) are tied to your identity. I'm 41 and moved to a different country. I've been scared that I'll never gave back to that place. However, I can not imagine not spending all this time with lo and bub #2. It's a blessing to be with the everyday and we make lots of sacrifices for me to be home. Take time to mourn in a sense. You can always go back to work and I try to believe that what's meant to be will unfold and surprise and fulfill is even more.

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• LauraSmarterSpam member

  July 2015

  I'm not quite a STAHM, seeing as we have DS doing half days in a Daycare/private school, but it was difficult for me when DH and I had the talk.
  Apparently he could see how stressed I was with my dad being ill, Dom getting ill and having febrile seizures and juggling my career.
  So we decided after moving into our new place I would stop working unless my boss needed any contract work done. Which has only happened a couple times. She too wants me to focus on helping with my dad and taking care of Dom, so it has been great.
  It's difficult making a big change, but you'll quickly find out what is best for you. Not working really has been best for me. It's allowed me tospend more time with DS since he was originally doing full days at school.

  Married 05.19.07 | Together since 03.11.00 | Dom Born 02.06.12 

   

   

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• kidcapri100 member

  July 2015

  To the OP: I can completely relate to what you're going through. Although I'm a FTM, I've spent the past 10 years developing my career, and three years ago ended up in my dream position in one of the top companies in my industry. Last fall, my husband was offered and amazing career opportunity that meant moving from NYC to the Midwest. Since his income is significantly more than mine and he was miserable with his job in NYC, we decided to make the move. My company was extremely supportive and allowed me to continue my role and position working from home 3 weeks per month and then traveling back to our offices for a week every month.
  Reality is, there is no way I can continue my job working from home 100% of the time after the baby is born. I really have to be back in the office monthly and there's no way I can see that happening after the baby comes.
  It's hard and you go through every emotion! But from what I've gathered it's THE most rewarding job in the world. Is there any potential for you to substitute teach if you decide you would like to work here and there? Im hoping to discuss consulting opportunities with my company - not so much for the $ but to feel like I still have something for myself.

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• Taylovesbrad member

  July 2015

  I am with you. Same thing for me. It's a little scary. I have fears I will regret it or be super stir crazy or turn into one of those people who only talk about their kids.

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• bluelily9 member

  July 2015

  Careers are important and can be all encompassing. If you are going from a career to being home - for God's sake keep a hobby, keep up with friends (even new mom friends) and make sure you are still "doing you". I spent the first months with baby thinking I was doing good and my husband looked over.... the look said "you need to get out". It's a blessing to be able to be home but it's also easy to fall into hanging with the baby and only talking to adults when your partner gets home. Shop at Target on a weeknight by yourself. It'll feel good

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• TomekiaB member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  I think our generation was raised with so much emphasis on careers and how we could do or be anything that we want, that careers really do define many of us. No one asked me as a child who I was, they asked me what career I wanted to be when I grew up. I think that to some extent we were told a lie of being able to have it all. We can have a lot but I don't think the dream is necessarily realistic that you can have the: perfect always clean home, healthy delicious homemade meals, perfect children, amazing career and still have time for a workout. I think I can do 2 of these well if I am really organized I can sometimes juggle 3 but overall I just don't find that pace sustainable. I think we can do a lot of these things "good enough"...but that always comes with self doubt. My DH is in the military so I face having to find a new job often in remote locations with moves which can be really hard on my identity since my career is definitely part of who I am and how could it not be? I spent 2 decades of my life doing well in school, to get into a good college to get the job that "defines me." It is a hard thing to let go. One thing I find that helps is to develop other interests. I love learning other languages, travel, reading books, cooking something new and I am sure if you think about it you will realize you have lots of personal goals or interest you just typically don't have time to do. I think it is okay to cry and to miss your career and I think you will develop other interests and skills. You may decide to go back to work as the kids get a little bigger or you may have found a new passion that you want to continue. How lucky are we to have the options? 

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• kanda0820 member

  July 2015

  Change is hard. When I had my son, I had to return to work because of financial reasons. Now that we moved for my husband's career I'm able to stay home with my son. The first few initial weeks of not going to work and staying home are hard! It takes a while to adjust. You can always work. You can't always be home with your kids - they only get older every day. Til this day I still have my oh no, what am I going to do someday but someday can wait. I love not having to write a daycare check every two weeks to someone that has a job I always wanted - taking care of my son. Just think of the blessing you've been given to be with your kids. Not everyone gets this opportunity.
  

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• Fuzzy228 member

  July 2015

  Working can change your life but staying at home with your child can change both of your lives! I would do it if I could financially do so!! Let yourself be sad for a little while and once your baby arrives I'm sure you'll be happy to not have to leave them to go back to work!!

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• lesmanly0506 member

  July 2015

  Thank you ladies! I've started to embrace it. I've decided to take on some craft projects that I've wanted to do. I'm starting to get excited about staying home.

  

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