Does it get easier? — The Bump
Military Families

Does it get easier?

Hello, Army Wife here,
My husband left on a pre-deployment
And will only be gone for a month. I know thats nothing right now, considering were looking at a real deployment by the end of the year..
Im not entirely sure if i just want to vent or want help, maybe both considering i asked a question, but honestly, do these nights get easier?
Im use to him being at work all day, but when it comes to bed time, i cant help but to cry and feel scared and alone. I hate that i cant fall asleep to the sounds of him sleeping, or our feet touching to keep warm, and even the fighting over the blanket. I miss it all soo much. I dont want it to be like this everynight but its really hard to control.
And all i can think about is, gosh if this is soo hard on me now, i cant even begin to imagine how it will be when he deploys ..
And might i add, i have no clue what to do during the day to make time pass, but i don't like being around other people to much, so going out and making friends isn't my kinda thing i want to do.

Re: Does it get easier?

  • @DreaMac im srry u feel so alone. U should look into seeing a counsoler or therapist all u have to do is call tricare and make an appointment so u can vent and get advice from a thrid party. Luckily my husband hasnt left for deployment but he will b doing workups in next few months. Which leaves me going in labor all alone so I have a feeling I will b in ur shoes very soon. Also look into a support group or volunteering somewhere during the day. Like a library their isnt many ppl their and its really quiet so maybe that can be something u can look into Cause I dont like a lot of ppl either unless my hubby is with me I dont go out at all. Good luck to u and praying for ur husband to come home safe and soon.
  • fayemufayemu member
    I second talking to someone. Do you have an ACS on base? If so they have MFLC (military family life counselors), free, confidential, professional counseling. Just walk in, you don't even need an appointment.
    For me, deployment does get easier than the shorter training missions. I found the first two weeks are very hard, then I settle into a rhythm. Don't get me wrong, there are very hard times, but overall it seems to get better, until about the last month to two weeks before they come back. Those seem to drag forever.
    I highly recommend finding something now that keeps you busy, even if it's just volunteering once a week. Get this set up now and make yourself keep going right after he deploys. You need something in your schedule.
    Last deployment I worked full time, volunteered, and worked out a lot. This one it looks like I might deliver while he's gone. I plan to work as long as I can, go home to be near family during the birth, then join mom and me groups when I move back to base.
    Deployment is hard. Find something to keep yourself occupied and talk to someone to keep yourself sane.
    Wish you the best!
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  • The short little work ups and TDY's are just long enough to be annoying in my book.  You don't mentally adjust to them the same as you do a long deployment.  You don't find your own deployment rhythm either, because you know they will be back soon, so what's the point.  There for a while my husband was gone on different little things so often that it really got frustrating.  It was every couple months.  I even admitted to him that I'd rather he just deploy over all these little stupid things.  It's easier to adjust to a deployment.  

    I do agree, talk to someone, and find a hobby or something to help.  Take an online course, a cooking class, learn how to knit or sew or something. Anything to keep you occupied.  Staying busy is truly the key.
    image 05.06 @4w | 08.06 @5w | 03.07 @9w01.04.10 {RIP} AML | 09.11 @6w | 02.12 @7w10.22.12-11.04.12 {RIP} ASL | 09.13 @12wimage
  • It never gets easier but it gets better. My husband goes on a ton of TDYs and travel. I used to get anxious and freaked out when he was gone, but I learned that he will come back and it is temporary. I have been through 6 deployments with my dad. It was hard because my dad and I are very close. The only thing that got me through is my friends and family. They will always be there for you. Try to always have someone you can reach out to when you feel the anxiety coming on and know that he and you will be ok. Hang in there!
  • I feel the same. I actually was scared of resenting my husband because he's deployed. I did join a therapy group and it helps a little knowing it gives me something to do and to let my feelings out. I have no family or friends where we currently live but I do work. It's hard but he'll be back love. Just take it in that u are healthy he is healthy and so is your baby. You have a little piece of him with you.
  • I also agree getting into some sort of counseling will help a lot :) my husband just got back not too long ago so I understand. You adjust mentally to it all. Doesn't become easy but at least for our family it's just become normal. Getting involved with a hobby or something to keep you occupied helps a lot. I read a lot, I am enrolled in online school so I would do my homework at night till I couldn't keep my eyes open or I would arrange shows to keep me busy most nights. Also set small milestones it helps it pass a bit better. I would plan something super fun every 2 to 4 weeks and then I would count towards that instead of home coming. And CARE PACKAGES! making those helped me feel close to him and still like I could nuture him like I am used to. Plus decorating them is a blast. Wishing you a smooth deployment and pregnancy!
  • It does get easier or at Least you just get use to it. Kins get into your own routine. My husband is in the AF. I'm pregnant with baby #4 and have been through many deployments.
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