How am I supposed to name two tiny humans?

MrsBwIVF · July 2015

Before we got married, we discussed names and had one of each picked out. Now that it's a real thing, I hate them both and really do not "like" any others. I'll like them for a few minutes or hours but never for a long time.
How are some of you already figuring this out? It feels like such a large responsibility to name something you've never met for their whole life. And yes, I know we can short list it and pick names after birth but even that is a terrifying thought.
Also, I feel an overwhelming amount of self implied pressure to have some part of my deceased father's name involved.
Please tell me I'm not on a "No Name Island" by myself!

Caligurl858 · July 2015

We have our name already, only because we were discussing names long before actually getting pregnant. And, not having twins makes it much easier. I feel like if I was in your position I would be having a more difficult time. Not only would I be worried about the name being a good name, but also not overshadowing the other child's name. I would probably freak out, and lose interest in my names as well. I would just start writing long lists of names I like, and review them with your SO. That might narrow names down that he actually likes. Either way, it will work out in the end. Having twins is such a great thing, i'm kind of jealous. Good luck on your search.

amw2133 · July 2015

Hubby and I picked out names before we got married and we are sticking with them. I've got a few weird looks about the girls name but screw people and their opinions. Haha I can not for the life of me come up with another girls name so if this little nugget is a girl she better come out looking like the name I already have. It's hard work picking out names. Try not to stress to much it will come to you at some point. I hear on trying to include relatives that have passed away. My mom passed away 3 years ago and hubby's grandma recently passed away, hence the flack about the girls name because it doesn't include either.
I would suggest getting a good old fashion name book and starting there. Like I said don't stress your lil ones won't be going around as Baby A and Baby B forever.

MrsBwIVF · July 2015

@Caligurl858, I didn't even THINK of the overshadowing aspect!
We were SO in love with the names before we actually had a sticky pregnancy, it's so frustrating!
@amw2133, we did get a name book and it's so daunting to look through all the lists and then the huge alphabet listing! It's a lot to take in. Are you sure I can't stick with Baby A and Baby B? I like the ring of it!

AJo32 · July 2015

We had a few names picked out before we got pregnant. We still love the boy name, but no longer like the girl names and of course we're having a girl! Lol We're not even close to figuring out a name so you're definitely not alone! If I had any suggestions for you I'd let you know, but I'm at a loss too!

Caligurl858 · July 2015

Sorry! Didn't mean to make it harder !

MrsBwIVF · July 2015

Caligurl858 said:
Sorry! Didn't mean to make it harder !

No worries! I'm glad you pointed it out for me. Twins are such a blessing and so, so, so many curses, haha.

amw2133 · July 2015

Hey they are your kids name them whatever you want! Plus you could use Ba and Bb as nicknames which are super easy for little ones to say. Haha

amm0512 · July 2015

Before we got married, DH and I agreed on Samantha Alexis for a girl and Shane Alexander for a boy. During my pregnancy with DS, we changed to Emma Marie for a girl, but couldn't agree on a boy name. I fought hard and got Jameson Cain, but had to agree to Shane if we had another boy and Harley for a girl. Harley Marie is due Dec 3...thank goodness, because I really couldn't decide on a middle name for Shane!

mac-n-cheesy · July 2015

I've just straight up told my DH my first name pick (and it has been this for 3+ years). He is more than welcome to barrage me with a litany of girl's names and if I like one better, I'm more than happy to change my mind. He knows this will be quite a task, but it's not impossible, he has 4 more months, and despite how I may be coming across right now
I'm not opposed to changing mind!
If we were naming two I would find that daunting (especially with middle names) but you could also look at it as more wiggle room for you both to honor your LO's with names you each love.
This book is amazing and might offer a lot of help:
https://www.amazon.com/The-Baby-Name-Wizard-Magical/dp/0767917529

spottedginger · July 2015

I suggest narrowing down a list of names you don't hate/ kind of like and then naming them when you meet them. I've had a few friends who were dead set on a name and then once they met their LO, decided it didn't fit and went with what did. This should take some if the immediate pressure off and give you time to play with different first and middle combinations and see how well you like the names over time. This is also what we will be doing, so I am a little biased in my opinion. All that said, in most other areas in my life, I am a pretty meticulous planner with spreadsheets and diagrams even for vacations. Not knowing the perfect name was worrying me. Once we agreed to make a short list and wait to decide on a name, the stress I was feeling over it greatly diminished.

Edited because English is hard.

Melissadmag · July 2015

We have our name picked out only because we have been talking about it for years and because we both have the same favorite character from a book series. Ironically he never reads, ever, but remembered The Earth Children Series from when he was a kid, so I read the books and was in love with the character and her name so it was a perfect match. Anyway, I have no idea what we are going to do the next time around if we have another girl because we don't like any other names so, not sure how that is going to go.

GalLaura · July 2015

I think when you see their beautiful faces it becomes easier. At least this is what happened to me.

BostonBaby1 · July 2015

www.nameberry.com is a good site. And no, you're definitely not alone in freaking out about naming babies that have to grow up with a name for their whole life! I also feel the need to saddle my child with my recently deceased father's name… It is not good. However, I suppose that is life and at least he was a great man! Just try not to name the Mopsy and Bobsy and you should be fine. Or maybe Larry and Harry, Trina and Sabrina... Anyhow, you get the jest ;-)

kimb311 · July 2015

I am booking my ticket to "no name" island right now! Have a virgin daiquiri waiting! We can agree on anything for this boy. If I like a name he immediately shuts it down and vice versa. I couldn't imagine having to come up with two!
I did comment on another thread about names; that one of the things we did when naming DD was to yell the name, like she was in trouble. " Riley ann -last name get down here right now!" Not fooling! It helped us work throughout short list. You are going to be hollering for them a lot! It needs to flow! LOL

mandurz · July 2015

I am getting to the same point. Hubby and I had a girl and boy name picked out and were really happy with them, come to find out its 2 boys. I thought we would keep the boy name and just add another. That worked for all of 1 week. Hubby cones home and says he isn't sure about the names now. It's driving me nuts. I thought we were good and we even told people we were announcing names with the sex on Saturday. So we have 2 days to get on the same page or disappoint everyone that wants to know the names. Good luck to you and your hubby. I know I can't wait to meet my boys.

nik6499 · July 2015

MrsBwIVF said:
Before we got married, we discussed names and had one of each picked out. Now that it's a real thing, I hate them both and really do not "like" any others. I'll like them for a few minutes or hours but never for a long time.
How are some of you already figuring this out? It feels like such a large responsibility to name something you've never met for their whole life. And yes, I know we can short list it and pick names after birth but even that is a terrifying thought.
Also, I feel an overwhelming amount of self implied pressure to have some part of my deceased father's name involved.
Please tell me I'm not on a "No Name Island" by myself!

Here is the vague and maddening advice

don't put so much pressure on yourself. We have a few months to go and plenty of time. Sit down with a couple baby name books and write down things that you like the way they sound. Have DH do the same, trade lists and veto the ones you each don't like. Then practice yelling them down the hall to see what names sound better when LO is in trouble and Veto ones that make you giggle when you are trying to be stern. And then eat some ice cream and later eat some more ice cream and come back to it and remove a few more and eventually you will find something that speaks to you, that you like to yell and that just seems to fit. But none of this has to happen today

Although I highly suggest Phineas and Ferb because that makes me giggle lol

keiragann · July 2015

My in laws cats are Phineus and Ferb

dp1320 · July 2015

I'll sit next to you on the "no name" bench. I refuse to even think about it until the anatomy scan when we know what we're having. It is a big responsibility though!!

MrsBwIVF · July 2015

@spottedginger, I think that may be what we end up doing, just having a short list. And I am JUST like you! I'm SUCH a planner! I planned our wedding in like 3 months and coasted the next year. I LOVE excel spreadsheets and create lists for packing to go away for a night. So not being able to plan something big like this is really screwing with that side of my brain.

@Bostonbaby1, I'm sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is. My dad died when I was 19 and I had to be the one to call my mom and tell him he was in a terrible accident and to come home to me and cops. He was such an AMAZING man and we were extremely close. Everyone expects us to use his name somehow and my brother who is on his 3rd boy, 2nd of which to come after my father's passing, told me that they discussed using my dad's name but decided not to because he knew I would want to use it myself. Although, I think I might be leaning towards Mopsy and Bopsy :P.

@kimb311 and @DH09072012, I will save spots for you on the beach! We originally thought we'd wait until the scan to find out what names we should be looking for but then that started to seem like a lot of pressure building, so we started now.

We have tried the yelling of names, nicknames, full names. I think what's also throwing me off a little is that our last name gets pronounced 3 different ways- 1 by people that know us and the other two by people that don't. So I'm worried about a name sounding funny while attached to 3 last names.

I think we will just stick with their bean nicknames and name them Olaf and Sven and be done with it.

BostonBaby1 · July 2015

@MrsBwIVF I am so incredibly sorry for your tragic loss. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been. I guess the thing to take comfort in the situations is the fact that we had very good relationships with them and that we were lucky to have them for the time that we did. Obviously, it's going to be emotional when the Time comes to either use your father's name or to use a variation of it. One of my best friends used a variation of her mothers first name for her daughters middle because it was too painful for her. Even though people warned me that it will be painful, I cannot imagine not naming a child after my father.

I'm sure you'll pick out great names!

spottedginger · July 2015

@BostonBaby1 and @MrsBwIVF I am so sorry for your losses.

misamima · July 2015

Names are hard! I'm in the "No Name Island" with you. We haven't even remotely started thinking of names for LO yet, and we have to pick both a boy and girl name since we're Team Green.

My cousin has 15 month old triplet girls. Her doctors named the babies A, B, and C in utero to keep track of their growth and development. So my cousin just took off with that and named each girl with the A, B, and C initial.

MrsBwIVF · July 2015

This island is getting better and better!

arichlife · July 2015

My husband and I had one girl name we could agree on before we got pregnant with our first, then we found out it was a girl and I did my like the name any more. We didn't have a name until she was born. As we got closer to the due date I had a few names that I felt more strongly about but we didn't pick anything. When she was born only one name came into my head so that sealed it for me! My advice is don't sweat it! And don't put pressure on yourself. Just keep thinking and talking and don't sweat it. You'll figure it out!

lbaird123 · July 2015

Maybe use your father's first and middle name as middle names? My MIL passed away last year and we are using her middle name as our daughters middle name. To me boy names are a piece of cake compared to girls. It took forever to name our first daughter and this time around as been some what easier. Knowing we were going to use MIL name helped.

MegStark · July 2015

Names are SO HARD!

I envy you for having twins, but I have thought about how much harder naming (and carrying) twins would be. If they're the same sex, how do you choose which one is which after you have two names picked out???!!!! I've always wondered about that. HOW???

MrsBwIVF · July 2015

You ladies are being so helpful!
We have discussed using his name as a double middle name or just carrying on his middle name.
I don't know how we'd decide which boy to name after him if we have 2 boys! Maybe each having one of his names as a middle name?
See??? Confusing!

Seleyna · July 2015

I know some women who didn't even have a name picked out until they actually met their child. Sometimes it just comes to you once you're looking them in the eyes.

TomekiaB · July 2015

If you decide to do name after your dad I like giving them each one of his names as middle names. In my family variations are more common than directly naming a child after someone. My mom Mary died when I was 15 one of her best friends named her daughter Marissa after my mom with same middle name as my mom (big catholic family all the girls have -ssa names Alyssa, Vanessa etc.). Anyway it met the intent but still gave the baby her own name despite honoring someone and fit within the family name theme.

Another option is if your dad has a relatively common name you could use your dad's name for their middle name but choose 2 different languages for the name. An example would be if your dad is Matthew you could do Mateo and Matthias for the twins middle names. You could obviously also use your dad's name and one other variation (but if you are worried about giving them "equal" names you might feel that child that got the original name got a slightly better version).

The best info I've seen on names is "behind the name" website it tells you where the name came from what it is in other countries common nicknames etc. I second The Baby Name Wizard, the sibling names are great it gives you ideas for 6-8 names that go together but aren't "to matchy."

Since LO is a December baby I am currently calling him/her Rudolph--yes the reindeer (I think my husband thinks I am serious for a boys name...). I love Frozen, I told my husband maybe we should consider a heritage version of Elizabeth, so we can use Elsa for a nickname (my mom's family is German/Swedish and that is one of the traditional nicknames for Elizabeth in those languages). Elizabeth heritage spelling & pronounciation is on my top 5 but not top 2 so I am only sort of serious

alyssa82511 · July 2015

the only reason our baby boy's name was so easy was because DH already knew long before we conceived that if we ever had a boy, he would be getting his first name, which is Robert. before we found out the sex though, it was almost impossible coming up with girl names, so we really lucked out with that one.

4puddleducks · July 2015

Dh and I were bouncing around names from the time we found we're expecting, but couldn't decide on anything we like. We've held off all baby name conversations until we find out the sex of our baby. With our DS, we had names right from the beginning. We didn't expect the challenge with this pregnancy.

monaclemere · July 2015

Both of my kids didn't have names until they were 3 days old. I'm sure this one will follow suit.

Both times, right before we left the hospital, we finally agreed on something. We don't like choosing definite names until we see the baby and decide what it looks like, but we try to come up with a short list. Inevitably, we both have favorites on those lists that are different from the other persons. Names are probably the hardest part of this for me and my DH.

You're not alone!! You have months left to discuss, debate and decide. I would suggest both of you start your own lists of favorites and have a few sessions where you review and whittle it down. And I always like to use family names as middle names.

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