Don't want DH to go with me.

alisonclay1 · July 2015

I have my first ob appointment friday morning and I don't really want my husband to go. He's dead set on me working through this pregnancy and I am terrified to. I am type 2 diabetic and have hypothyroidism and I feel I can better take care of myself and baby if I'm not having to worry about work too. I know he's going to try to get the dr to say it's okay for me to work and that's the only reason I'd rather him not be there. Am I crazy or do you think my concerns are valid? I'm not currently working and only putting in applications for part time jobs to make him happy.

inomniaparatus · July 2015

If your diabetes and hypothyroidism is really going to jeapordize your health and pregnancy, your doctor will say so. If it won't, your doctor will tell the truth and you should get a job. I also think your husband deserves to go to your appointment. It's his baby too.
It sounds like you are trying to manipulate him into thinking you have an excuse to not work even though your doctor probably won't think so. Are you planning on lying to him and telling him the doctor said you shouldn't work?

shupertj09 · July 2015

Sorry but your reasoning for not wanting him to go sounds selfish and wrong. He's not going to "get" the doctor to say anything that isn't factual. So it sounds like your real concern is that you don't want him to hear factual information about this pregnancy because you don't want to work.

ErinC1014 · July 2015

It seems like a matter of if you want to work, rather than if you physically can work- right? I wouldn't count on the dr's opinion to solve this issue for you. It is an honest convo you need to have with your husband regarding what is best for your family. There are a lot of considerations to go into a decision like this. Can you afford to stay home? Is your mental well-being at stake? Will you work after the baby is born? I hope your husband can be understanding of your needs and wishes.

Edited for grammar

cMichelle0423 · July 2015

I'd have to agree that it sounds like you just don't want to work. If you don't want to work while pregnant, at least be honest about it with you DH and don't try to manipulate him. If there's a real concern about your health, or the health of your baby, your dr will be the first person to say so. I have hypothyroidism and it didn't have an effect on my or my pregnancy at all. I took my meds and that was that. Good luck. But I think your honesty will go a long way when talking to your DH.

cMichelle0423 · July 2015

alisonclay1 said:
I have my first ob appointment friday morning and I don't really want my husband to go. He's dead set on me working through this pregnancy and I am terrified to. I am type 2 diabetic and have hypothyroidism and I feel I can better take care of myself and baby if I'm not having to worry about work too. I know he's going to try to get the dr to say it's okay for me to work and that's the only reason I'd rather him not be there. Am I crazy or do you think my concerns are valid? I'm not currently working and only putting in applications for part time jobs to make him happy.

QFP.

g8trkim · July 2015

inomniaparatus said:
If your diabetes and hypothyroidism is really going to jeapordize your health and pregnancy, your doctor will say so. If it won't, your doctor will tell the truth and you should get a job. I also think your husband deserves to go to your appointment. It's his baby too.
It sounds like you are trying to manipulate him into thinking you have an excuse to not work even though your doctor probably won't think so. Are you planning on lying to him and telling him the doctor said you shouldn't work?

Ditto all this.

bredoll · July 2015

I agree with PP that it sounds like you just don't want to work. We don't know your personal situation but the way it came across it seems manipulative of you to not want your husband there so you can tell him what you want him to hear and not necessarily the truth.

If you are applying to part time work I'm assuming it's retail where you might be on your feet a good portion of the day, is that your concern? If so, could you look into temp office work? Maybe data entry or receptionist?

MississippiCatfish · July 2015

I agree with PPs, it's coming across as manipulative.

g0lightly8706 · July 2015

Yeah i agree with all the above too.. it just doesn't sound like a healthy way to start off the pregnancy by manipulating your DH into not coming just because of the work situation. Also, this will be the first of many appointments with your doctor so it's not going to get easier if he's already really wanting to be present at the appointment. I think you both need to have a conversation of what's really going on to clear the air before it gets too sticky of a situation. i mean, he's your husband and the father of your baby, these are kind of important things to be on the same page on. best of luck!

PedsIsHardcore · July 2015

I'm a type 1 diabetic with PCOS and I have a lot of other health issues. I'm working up until the day before I am induced and I'm a nurse. I think you need to stop having a pity party and get over it. You can work and you also need to stop being selfish and let your DH go with to your appointment.
My pregnancy was unplanned and I had poor control of my Diabetes and I just got over having Cushing's Syndrome. No sympathy from me.

HBirdie · July 2015

I agree with every PP here. You not wanting him to come so that he won't hear the doctor say that you *could* work and still be healthy? Manipulative and mean. It's his baby, and he deserves to be at that appointment if he wants to. No one is going to somehow trick your doctor into saying something that isn't true, that's not how this works. You should certainly bring up your concerns with him or her, and get their advice, but keeping your husband out of it seems unfair.

FreshBakedBrownies · July 2015

Setting aside the manipulative concerns, are you just not feeling well enough to work? Is that why you don't want a job?
Some people do really have a tough time with symptoms, especially in the first trimester. If you're having a hard time, again you need to talk to him. Not all guys really get how bad the symptoms can be. But talking it over and including him in your worries is a much better option than excluding him.

oxfordlanding · July 2015

I don't think you're being manipulative, just worried about being pushed into something that scares you. Chat to your husband and be honest about your fears. Good luck!

Miss Lilac · July 2015

Does he know you're only applying for part time positions? There are a lot of red flags in this situation if you ask me. Pregnancy isn't an illness, it's a very natural state of being. If your doctor thinks working is fine then why not? Especially if you need to save money for baby, not really fair to leave the financial onus on him if he needs your help.

HBirdie · July 2015

I do want to say that I fully understand feeling to crappy to work during first tri. Trust me. I had to quit my job when I was pregnant the first time because they wouldn't give me the leave I needed and I literally couldn't stop puking. So I totally understand that. If your H doesn't, that's pretty crappy. FTR, I felt MUCH better my second and third trimesters and definitely could've worked then. So maybe keep applying and hoping you feel better.

anotherctg · July 2015

@cMichelle0423 what's QFP?

robinj716 · July 2015

I can't even begin To imagine not having my fiancé there with me at my first appt. The fact that you even thought to exclude him, makes me feel like there are probably some other major underlying issues that you two may need to work through. Sounds like you two may need to have some serious conversations regarding your work situation.

Edit: for grammar

cMichelle0423 · July 2015

@anotherctg "quoted for posterity"

Basically just making sure her posted is quoted in case she decides to delete. That way those who are new to the thread can know what's going on. Just in case.

txbrideinblue · July 2015

If your hypo is that bad that it would affect your ability to work, you need a better endo. That should not ever be a reason if you are treated for it. (I've been hypothyroid since I was 14, so I do have experience with this).

As for the diabetes, that's something you should talk to your endo about, too.

But if you think the doctor is just going to say you shouldn't work, they won't unless you are really sick. Sorry.

You are high risk, though.

VitaLuna · July 2015

Well, you're probably worried for good reason, because it's pretty darn likely your doctor will say there's no reason you can't work.

If you don't WANT to work, then have that honest discussion with your husband. Don't blame your pre-existing conditions and DON'T leave him out of the appointment for, you know, HIS baby. SMH.

Kiek · July 2015

That's extremely manipulative. Not letting your husband be apart of this experience because you might not get your way is a bit hard for me to wrap my head around. Your husband isn't going to convince the Dr one way or the other.

Monkeybutt80 · July 2015

I get that you don't want to work, especially during your pregnancy. As I am sitting here at work,feeling tired and worn out, I wish I didn't have to be here either.

However, this isn't really about whether or not your dr says you can work. I think you also know that you can work (depending on the type of work), but that you just don't want to. This is something you need to talk to your husband about. Your husband can't force you to work ( no one can), but it's also irresponsible for you to blinders on your financial situation (if that's the reason why your husband wants you to work) just because you don't want to work.

Bohemama22 · July 2015

Perhaps you could find a job that is fairly easy going? At the moment I only have a part time job and I find the days drag on so much when my OH is at work! I'm looking for a 'proper' job but for the next few weeks working full time at a kids summer camp- I have a Subchoronic Hemorrage at the moment so not exactly low risk (hopefully it will have reduced at next scan!) but mentally I feel so much better when I'm out and about. I plan on just letting work know that I'll have to leave the high impact stuff. I'm sure if you let future employers know your concerns they will make sure you're not put at any extra risk.

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