Resentful, lonely...

valmichaud · July 2015

My baby is 6 months old and lately I've been feeling resentful towards my husband. It seems like he always want to spend time with the guys or his brothers doing things that don't include me and my daughter. I'm home with her all week and he also works later in the evenings and I feel like weekends should be spend as a family! I feel
Like dad's have it so much easier in a way because if they go out without the baby they have no cares or worries but when us moms leave baby we feel guilty the whole time.
I've tried to talk to him and make him understand how I feel but he just says " the only reason I'm not going is cause I know you'll be pissed off"!
I don't want to be "that wife" if you know what i mean but I just feel worn down and like it's unfair. I even feel guilty thinking this because I love my daughter and absolutely love all my time spent with her and I wouldn't change it for the world!
A mama needs a break too every now and again right!?

nursej519 · July 2015

I am 100% feeling the same way you are. I feel like I hardly ever see my husband. And when I try to talk to him about it, he says I need to "get out more". He doesn't understand that that's not what I need.. I want to spend time as a family, not individuals! All of his friends with kids are divorced so they're still able to do whatever they want on weekends without kids, so I think he thinks he should too... But that isn't how it works!!

Disneygeek77 · July 2015

Make plans and put them on the calendar. I'm serious, start making concrete plans. Tell him, " Ok, on saturday we are going to the zoo and then we are going to that new restaurant so and so told us about. Then on Sunday we are going to shop for a new ________ and then try out that new food truck." Then make plans for the next weekend like taking the baby for a stroll in a new ( to you) park and have a little picnic or pick your own apples or the botanical gardens or a museum or miniature train or whatever you see fit.

Then you fit in time for your friends and time with his friends, but family time comes first. Also tell him about it about a week ahead of time too or write everything on an actual calendar where he can see everything for himself.

I don't know about your family, but if we don't have plans, then our time is taken up doing random stuff like going to target or watching TV or we get up late, so I have to plan stuff out ahead of time. If he says anything about hanging out with friends or brothers, then tell him that is fine he can do that once you are home from the restaurant or the zoo or whatever you have planned for that day.

I have to do something similar every season. I make a list of all the activities I want us to do and schedule it on the calendar. I don't fill up our schedule entirely because I know we still need downtime for ourselves, but having a schedule has really helped and we also don't end the season disappointed saying " Ahh man, I really wanted to pick pumpkins but we never got around to it" or "" Awww man, every year we say we are going to the Balloon festival but we always forget about it until it is too late.""

I also make it a point to schedule activities that are mainly interest him like a car show or a baseball game or a date to see the opening of a movie he is looking forward to. This way he feels like not every activity is just for me and the kids, he gets to do fun stuff with them too.

I have just found that when there are concrete plans and not just vague or up in the air plans, he goes with it as he knows better than to disappoint me on zoo day or pumpkin picking day.

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Resentful, lonely...

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