DH is horrible procrastinator! Help!

LoveLee85 · July 2015

Omg. I love my DH to death but my blood is boiling. I'm due in 8.5 weeks, or less, and we can't get anything finished.. He's horrible with any spare second he has, he will bust his smartphone out. I try not to nag....but damn. What can I do to light a fire under his a$$?! Help! I talk to him about it every other day. I'm two seconds away from flipping out, bad. I don't want to do that because he is so supportive, but we are going to run out of time and I will be furious. He can start a project but he can't finish it. He's been painting our babies room for 3 weeks....still not finished?!?! Then always has something better to do when I mention it needs finished. We have NOTHING finished for this baby. Nothing. He is like this with everything, not just baby stuff. He is never in a hurry and just so laid back. Lol. Anyone else dealing with this?!

jizzypuff · July 2015

Lol I'm not dealing with that specifically because I'm the procrastinator I haven't even bought anything for our little one yet. But what I would do is sit him down and tell him how much stress this is putting on you since you are getting really close to your due date. Just make sure to really put emphasis on how stress can be bad for the baby that might do the trick

bethanyjane26 · July 2015

Yes! Mine will do ONE thing and then if I say "okay now we need to do this" its like maybe next weekend.. Like we can only do one thing a weekend!

cjstats87 · July 2015

Well our room is painted...thanks to my dad and sister coming to paint it when we moved in...but nothing else is squared away! Baby #3 may not be named until next year at the rate we are going!!! Only 11 weeks left! Eek!

newmama201578 · July 2015

I am dealing with something very similar with my dh. I understand he does hard work all week being a carpenter but like you stated we are running out of time. When I get so frustrated about things not getting done I end up doing some myself which ends up being physically and emotionally draining because it is frustrating in itself that things that normally would only take an hour or two now take me all day. Of course he always says you shouldn't be doing that I was going to do it. But I've realized even when stuff is getting done my list is not getting smaller. I will always find something that needs done and will never be "ready". Even before baby I always had a list of things to do. So recently I've made a list and rewrote it about ten times, but there things that NEED to be done. Like the nursery and although I'd love for it to look like a magazine nursery as long as baby has a safe place to be I can realize it doesn't need to be prefect. It's a fact men don't think like women they can walk past an over flowing garbage can and not think about changing it. Our biggest mess is clean to them lol so as far as them seeing the things that need done without it being pointed out is unlikely. However like a pp stated talking about how much stress it's bring you and giving him a list of the very important things that need done may help. Also remind him that just because your due date is 40wks does not mean that baby won't arrive earlier, we are all in the home stretch and this is a dead line that can change. Just know you are not alone I wanted some much more done by now before I got so big and now I don't even feel like doing much but know it needs to be done. Is my unorganized house going to get organized before baby like most articles say hell no maybe in a prefect world but I'm slowly starting to realize I will never be ready if I try to do everything I can think of.

Kacierae08 · July 2015

My DH is the same way! He always waits until the last minute. It frustrates me so badly! I just end up doing whatever project I want him to finish and of course that always puts him in gear to do it himself, as he doesn't think I should lift a finger being pregnant! LOL

nikkidavis421 · July 2015

I'm the procrastinator in our relationship so it's a good thing that my DH is a workaholic and can't stand sitting still..lol Although, we haven't been able to work on the baby's room or anything yet because we bought my mom's house and she's been living with us until her new house is moved into town. It's actually being moved in today so she should be moved out of our house by the beginning of August!!! Then we'll have an extra bedroom for the baby so we'll be busy during these next few weeks. I know what you mean though by feeling rushed with not much time left. We have 9-10 weeks left (or less)! Maybe if your DH sees you starting to work on the nursery, then he'll jump in and help cause he'll feel bad that you're doing it by yourself.

LoveLee85 · July 2015

@newmama201578 thank you for this. I feel the same about the ever growing 'to do' list. I get one thing finished, yet I add five things?! I just want everything to be clean and organized. My poor DH can find an excuse to keep anything, and I'm just the opposite. Clutter drives me nuts. Even if it's hidden! I know it's there hahaha.

WDDCH · July 2015

Yup, deal with it all the time here. Sometimes he will take over or lend a hand if I start something.

He doesn't paint though. I wouldn't let him because he is terrible at it lol. But I paint and it can take me under a week to paint a small room, including trim (just walls and I'm done in a couple days). Before I got pregnant I painted my large dining room in one night! Took me a few hours. So three weeks to paint a room is a little much. Not really sure what you could do to motivate him.

Maybe have a serious chat and tell him to write down on the calendar when he will finish. Sometimes putting it on the calendar helps people to focus.

MW5280 · July 2015

I had to have a talk with mine and say that our list of things that *have* to get done, must be done before our older two come back from vacation with their mom.

There is a list of optional things too but I'm breaking them down into priorities for him so he can have an idea of when stuff has to happen.

Our problem is that clutter and things left undone do not bother him, and they bother me. But I am now fairly incapable of taking care of them physically. So I've had to explain that while he sees this as a far off issue that we can tackle later, I see it as more crap that I have to try and do.

Essentially, he's trying to understand but we are just coming from opposite ends of a spectrum.

WDDCH · July 2015

Oh one thing that helps my husband get on board is to bring up a project and say, "Hey why don't we do XYZ this weekend?" I'm asking him instead of nagging and putting a date on it. If I want something done and done NOW when he's not ready then he refuses and puts it off even longer. Sometimes he'll say "This weekend isn't good but let's do it X-day" and then HE is the one in control and I'm still not nagging.

I also tell him I'll help. Even if it's just grabbing the tools and bringing him water I try to help in the ways that I can.

kjs08 · July 2015

We had a list of things to do that weren't nursery related, such as pediatrician and daycare visits, and he would constantly remind me that we needed to do them. My usual response was that he was just as capable of taking care of those items just as well as I could, but he still never did it and I usually forgot. I finally took care of both of those and with our "nursery" (it's the man cave/dog's room) it was a matter of moving a few things to make sure the pack and play, glider, and laundry basket would fit (we're moving October 15th so I didn't see a point in doing one until after). He would tell me the same thing of "we have time" and I got so fed up that instead of waiting for him, I started moving things myself. He wasn't super thrilled that I did, but it got his butt in gear to help me. The guilt card has been working in my favor if I want something done and he keeps putting it off.

martruby · July 2015

My husband is the worst when it comes to putting things off...in every aspect, not just with baby prep. That added to the fact that I'm a little OCDish neat freak makes for a disaster! If fights don't resolve the issue (and I assure u I usually win) I've noticed that once he sees me huffing and puffing in the nursery trying to do things myself, he'll usually come around and ask what I want him to do. I've learned that I can't expect him to WANT to help, but now I'm totally fine with giving him very detailed instructions of what I want done, how I want it done, and by when it needs to be done. He's like a other kid lol. Oh, and when that doesn't work, I usually let him know that if he doesn't help me then I have no probably calling over my brothers to help me. The guilt and embarrassment doesn't sit well with him. Oh well , gotta do what u gotta do!

tlc11934 · July 2015

Take a deep breath. We didn't even start getting ready for the baby or the room and I'm due in 8 weeks. Is there anyone else that can help you? I've been painting and doing stuff around the house (not baby related) - if you use no VOC paint it's safe for you to do it. Good luck!

squidlydoo · July 2015

I hear you on this!! We moved a month and a half ago and first thing he did was rip up the flooring in the nursery. Well now we can't put together the nursery because he's being indecisive on what floors to put in there. I'm nesting really bad right now and have already made 25 receiving blankets. If he doesn't make up his mind soon, we will have thousands!! Lol

jadetree1080 · July 2015

My husband has tons of plans, empty the office put hardwood floors in, paint, assemble crib and dresser... But doesn't have time to do any of it. He keeps putting it off, next weekend.... He woke up this morning and looked at me in a panic. "Your 33.5 weeks, the baby is going to be here in like 6 weeks!" um, yeah, I know! Im hoping his brilliant realization gets his butt into gear. Haha. Hopefully your man wakes up one of these mornings with the same realization.

LoveLee85 · July 2015

jadetree1080 said:
My husband has tons of plans, empty the office put hardwood floors in, paint, assemble crib and dresser... But doesn't have time to do any of it. He keeps putting it off, next weekend.... He woke up this morning and looked at me in a panic. "Your 33.5 weeks, the baby is going to be here in like 6 weeks!" um, yeah, I know! Im hoping his brilliant realization gets his butt into gear. Haha. Hopefully your man wakes up one of these mornings with the same realization.

Yesss!!! I'm 32 weeks and I keep waiting for him to get that realization!! Lol!!

kkkkati · July 2015

Yup! I just took things into my own hands with the baby room. My sister helped me set it up and when there was heavy furniture to move I just called hubby's brother then told hubby "hey your brother is coming tonight at x time to help you move whatever furniture"! It worked. The only thing that I can't do is the bassinet cause hubby is a carpenter and is making the bassinet himself. I just update him on weeks left and panic him a little without nagging

today I told him that we only have 7 weeks left until due date...which is 49 days...(then of course I panicked myself, but that's another story) and I also have a back up plan to use the pack and play bassinet for baby to sleep in just in case

kkkkati · July 2015

I have to say frustrating as it is, these posts make me giggle cause husbands are so alike! I think mine is most excited about having a tiny buddy to watch hockey with he forgets that we actually need more than a flames onesie

smrdaniels · July 2015

My husband is the same. I just start doing it myself. He gets upset and takes over. For painting, open windows and put on a mask. I built the nursery furniture last time.... looking like I will again.

TahoeAugust · July 2015

I actually had a great hormonal flip out about this - and blurted out all that's been worrying me in one sentence, started crying and stormed off. It was better after that, maybe because he didn't realize what kind of panic I've been putting a lid on for quite some time. Some of my points were:

- we have 8 weeks in the best scenario!! What if something (knock on wood) happens? What if I'm in early labor - what is he going to do? Be with me at the hospital? Because I'll kick him out to go home to put together the things that he's been procrastinating with all this time!

- I want to be a part of preparing everything!! Now, I can still move like a human. But what if later I don't have the energy or the strenght and it's too uncomfortable for me to be doing those things? His procrastination is costing me stress AND I might not be a part of something that I'm really looking forward to.

- Why would he want me to freak out about coming home to a construction zone if I do go into early labor?? Just because he's feeling lazy right now? It's not fair!

It might have been chaotic, but it was so clearly the hormones... And I know I said a lot of things that he didn't even think about... I don't really recommend it buuut - sometimes the shock helps.

MiromiM · July 2015

Here are my suggestions:

1. Make your expectations clear. This room needs to be painted by ___________.
2. Give an explanation for the expectation. It needs to be painted by __________ because (decorating, baby safety, time frame ect.).
3. Have him create smaller goals to meet the expectation. Ex. I will finish paining this one wall by _____. I will work on painting for ____ hours after work on _______.
4. Have him write the goals down and post them somewhere he can see them- the refrigerator, his desk, ect and have him check them off as he complete them to mark his progress.

rebeccabloomwood · July 2015

I think it's best to bring up to him that's it's bothering you during a time that you're not stewing about it. Make a plan to bring up the stress it's putting on you and talk to him about it. He might be oblivious to how you're feeling and think he's got time in his mind. Sometimes these things really don't take long but in your mind they need to be done ASAP so you both need to get on the same page.

I agree with PPs to make a plan to tackle some to do and perhaps make a list if he'd respond to that.

hrossi253 · July 2015

Mine too! With our first son, everything was done and picked out super early. This time, nothing is done for this poor guy! lol, he isn't named, he has no room, granted we are co sleeping, but finally I just had to buy the co sleeper because he is just not feeling super bonded with the baby I guess. I think once the baby is here, things will be much more real for him. He's just been super busy at work and we just moved, so I try not to take it too personally. I just start doing things myself and let him know after the fact! lol

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