Need to vent about MIL

MeaganBrown118 · July 2015

So we told my MIL when I was pregnant when I was about 4 weeks. We told her she couldn't tell anyone because it was early and we didn't want to tell until after my first trimester. Well fast forward one month and she has told EVERYONE. My husband relatives that live on the other side of the country started sending us messages a week after we told her congratulating us. She works at a gym and has told all her clients and when we go out we will run into one of her friends who we've never met and they tell us congrats because they already know. I'm a fairly private person and God forbid something happens, I don't want to explain to a bunch of people I've never met. This is our first and her fist grandchild, which is why she is so excited. I know if we said something she would be upset about making is upset. She truly means well, but I'm just not ready to tell the world yet!

Anyone else have this problem?

wisco29 · July 2015

I think there have been a few people with this issue. I would call her and let her have it...and every single person who congratulated me I would casually say something about how surprised you are that they know since it is a secret and your mil must not be a very honest and caring person..... But then again I don't like my mil all that much and I would be livid if she did this

Good luck

je5sc0 · July 2015

We told my MIL at 4 weeks too and she immediately posted on Facebook. Thankfully (not really) she has alienated herself from 90% of my husbands family so mostly her friends saw. Nobody said anything to us. I had a talk with her a few weeks later when she posted the same news on my husbands FB. She was shocked that I was upset but whatever. She will be the last to know.

shupertj09 · July 2015

I'm so sorry this happened. It was very inconsiderate and disrespectful especially since you specifically asked her to keep it a secret. It is also mean that she kind of stole your big announcement (at least for your DH side of the family). I have learned the best way to handle my MIL is talk to my husband and let him handle it. Good luck.

mamahazey · July 2015

I was so worried about this with mine. We told our extended family a few weeks ago and she took it as a green light to tell anyone. I had to have a talk with her because it's not her news to share and we weren't ready

cMichelle0423 · July 2015

If I was in this situation, I would tell her how you feel and that you're frustrated she told people. I would also tell her that if she can't be trusted with things you'd like to keep secret, the. You won't be sharing certain details about your pregnancy with her, until you're ready to tell everyone.

RRC216 · July 2015

hahaha been there done that!! If my mother in law tells anyone, she's going to get an ear full!! It wasn't her news to tell. What she did was wrong. I get shes excited and it is her first grandchild. But it doesn't give her a free pass. Second pregnancy, I'd wait to tell her when you tell everyone else.

MississippiCatfish · July 2015

This is really crappy, and she is 100% wrong, but this is why I wait to tell everyone, including my parents, until I'm ready for news to spread. No one else understands the importance of keeping it quiet, so many people don't. It's a shame that so many people on these boards seem to have to learn the hard way, though. It isn't fair.

mrsboom091011 · July 2015

I would put my guard up after this... She can't be there for gender stuff until everyone knows, no name information, etc. Any nosy questions deflected immediately... Sorry you're having such a hard time. I am 8 weeks haven't told either set of parents. We've got blabbers over here too.

mcklough · July 2015

We decided not to tell MIL as early as we told my parents. I have a very small family and I had the opportunity to go to Florida from New York to tell them in person so they found out around 4 weeks.

DH has a big extended family so we decided to tell them (his mom is having people to their house) when we are seeing them around 9 weeks so they can tell whomever they want after that. For us we are comfortable with everyone knowing then and felt that it would be fun for her to get to blab. I'm so sorry that you confided in her and she broke that, we worried the same may happen so planned around it. She had two sons and is definitely the dominant personality in their family! DH and I think it's better to just try to control situations than try to control her actions lol.

MamaFroFro · July 2015

I dealt with a similar but not quite same situation. I feel like the damage is done and nothing you say is going to undo it. I would just keep it in mind if there are ever any new secrets. Now that she showed she can't be trusted with secrets she won't have the privilege of being in on them in the future. Sorry that you are having to deal with it!

UTHorn · July 2015

When my husband and I were getting married we set up a page and it was a work in progress. He made the mistake of giving her the address and she checked it several times a day and would be nagging him as to when we'd have more content and pictures. She even took several pictures from the website and printed them out. After being excited about the wedding website all of her overzealous excitement it ruined it for me and I ended up taking it down and completely abandoning it.

Because of this when I found out I was pregnant and told my husband I made him agree we wouldn't tell his Mom until after my fourteenth week.

He is an only child and the way they fuss over him... I wish we could just tell them a couple months after the baby is born and we've had a chance to start our roles as parents.

oxfordlanding · July 2015

Reminds me of the time my mother told an entire table of semi strangers what my salary was. Good times.

robinj716 · July 2015

I'm sorry this happened to you. That is very frustrating and wrong.

This is my first pregnancy and my MIL keeps asking when she can tell people, even after we have told her numerous times we will announce after our 11 week appt. I've decided when there is a next pregnancy, we aren't telling anyone earlier than when we are ready to announce to others. It's been so stressful hearing her complain that she can't tell anyone yet.

bredoll · July 2015

This is part of the reason I haven't told my mom. I don't think she can be trusted to not share with everyone, even though I don't care if she tells family since I haven't been back to WI in 5 years and don't talk to most of the people who live there, I don't want it getting out on FB and I want to tell my brother and sister myself.

When hubby told his mom she asked if she could tell anyone and he said not yet and we would let her know when she could share. So far, so good. It will be his parents first and maybe only grandchild and hubby is the "golden child" on both sides of the family so I know she is excited to share but we want it to be our news, and after a loss we are being careful on who we tell.

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