Questions... Baby costs, child care, child support, taxes and other things

Re: Questions... Baby costs, child care, child support, taxes and other things

• 20thirteen member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  Hi! First to make things less confusing:

  
  

  DD = Dear Daughter.  A few others:  BD = Biological Dad (or Big Douche), LO = Little One, BC = either Birth Certificate or Birth Control (depending on conversation), CS = Child Support, FB = facebook
  

  
  

  1. CS and custody/visitation are two separate issues.  If you file for CS, it does not automatically mean he gets 50/50 anything.  That money is for the child, if you need it to help support LO.  I chose not to pursue CS since I can support myself and my DD without BD's help (even though he wouldn't be help anyway since that d-bag is jobless and selling drugs, at least last I heard).  If you end up going for CS, be prepared. Just because it doesn't automatically give him visitation rights, it will open the door for him to go for visitation out of spite (I've seen that before).  I would suggest a restraining order if you fear him but it doesn't sound like he's abusive and I don't think you can get one because you suspect he'd run off with the baby.  You might want to look into the laws in your state regarding that.

  
  

  2. It is possible that your child might get more attached to the nanny, and it will hurt to see that. I don't think the baby will forget you. It's normal to have these feelings knowing that your job will take you away from the baby most of the time.  The best you can do is keep an eye/ear out for opportunities that can let you have more time at home so you can be with the LO or muddle through it the best you can.  It's just for a little while, right?  Save up as much as you can.  Do what you can.

  
  

  3. It does not make you a bad mom.  Don't let anyone else make you feel like you are for circumstances that are beyond your control.  I have a lot of sanctimonius moms on my FB that go off on how kids should be raised.  Vegan, all natural diets, no spanking, pretty much no discipline, blah blah blah. Don't get me started on those nutjobs... Must be nice to be crazy, right?  You are doing right by your child by maintaining a job and supporting that child in every way possible.  You're only a bad mother if you abuse/neglect your child, which you are not doing.

  
  

  4. "Is it selfish to consider denying my baby her/his sperm donor".  This is a touchy subject, maybe just for me.  I'm ALL about family history and all that goes with it.  My great-grandmother went her whole life not knowing who her father was, and her mother died before ever deciding to reveal his name.  We have a whole part of our family tree that is missing because my great-great-grandma was angry or ashamed or both, and then died young, taking that name with her.  My great-grandma lived a long life, she told her daughter (my grandma) how hurt she was that her mother couldn't be honest with her.  And when my grandma learned that I was pregnant and was not sure what I would tell my DD about BD or if I would even tell her about him, she told me how devastating it could be for her when she's older. My plan for my DD is to tell her about her father, when she's old enough. There are so many complicated things about relationships that we shouldn't force on our children, but at least letting her/him know that this man exists and is out there could make your relationship between you and your LO stronger.  Lying about this dude might hurt bite you in the ass down the road.

  
  

  For expenses, it really all depends on brands and stores.  Also, you might want to consider looking into allkidscovered.com.  I'm insured through my job, but if I put my DD on my insurance, my insurance payments on my checks go from $50 to almost $400.  If you can't afford to have your LO on your insurance, check out that website and apply.  I believe it covers your during your pregnancy too, if you don't currently have insurance.  I also use AmazonMom, when you sign up, the first year gives you free Prime membership (after that it's about $100 once a year).  If you're on FB, check out Budget101, Baby Cheapskate, LifeHacker and The Penny Hoarder.  Those are just a few that can help you save a buck and TPH also posts ways to make extra income, the guy that runs that page actually tests out those ways and tells you how to do it, too, so it isn't a scammy kind of thing.

  
  

  That's all I have, for now anyway. Good Luck Mama Bear! 

  

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• Oleeahsmom member

  July 2015

  Thank you very much 20thirteen for your thoughts and information.

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• 20thirteen member

  July 2015

  You're welcome  I just wish this board was a little more active like it was before, so other women could give you input.

  
  

  I hope I helped a little bit.

  

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• Shehanig6 member

  October 2015

  Hi all,

  
  

  I am looking for advice on how to search for nanny shares or affordable childcare  I am due at the end of March 2016 and am a first-time parent. I live in Alexandria (about a mile from Shirlington) and need to go back to work full-time after my maternity leave ends. I am doing this on my own with no help from family or the baby's father so any advice you can provide in finding a trusting and reliable nanny/child care center would be greatly appreciated.  

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• 20thirteen member

  October 2015

  I'm not sure about nannies but I know that you can apply for childcare assistance.  I had to apply through my state's DHS website.  Or, you can google "subsidized childcare + [your state]" and find your way from there.  The website should give you a list of approved child care centers. I'm not sure about nannies though, since I have a 9-5 job (well, 8-4), a center works best for me.

  

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