I can't decide... I need your input

mrsrep123 · July 2015

FTM... Not sure if I'm going to need "help" from my mom, MIL, or best friend. They have all offered to be at my house to help me during recovery and are not pushy at all about it. Since I've never been through this before and don't know if I'll give birth vaginally or by cesarean, I don't know what to expect. I figured my DH can help with things, but do I want him to? DH is expecting to have cooking and cleaning covered and just thinks I may want someone who's been through this before to help me.

For you experienced moms, what did you do? What do you wish you did? What are you doing this time around?

For you first timers, like me, what are your plans?

I want to just go with the flow, but also want to respect their time and have them plan for it too?

daniellehoying · July 2015

FTM also & my family lives close, so my mom & MIL will be on "stand by" if I need anything.
I don't know what I will want when the time comes & thankfully they understand that.

gotdiesel2007 · July 2015

I've never had family or even my DH home after being discharged. We made it just fine. I wouldn't have changed anything I like to handle things on my own.

Edited hit enter mid type.

Mjstine · July 2015

I am a FTM. I am lucky that both our families live within 15 minutes of us. My husband will be home for 3 weeks after my surgery. Our families are all taking turns bringing us dinners for the first week or 2, as I will be recovering. I am sure if I need anything else from them I can call and most of the can come help as needed.

Most people are surprised I won't be having someone stay with us for a while, but I just can't imagine it necessary with my husband here, and family so close by.

jerzegirl201 · July 2015

I have spoken with both sides and discussed that although they all want to help that it needs to be when/what we need.

I asked my sister if she would help with food shopping as she loves it.

I asked my MIL to help with cooking as she is amazing.

I asked my SIL to help come clean/straighten up.

We also made sure to emphasize that they can not just stop over. They have tp call/text and make sure it works. My dear MIL lives only 2 blocks away but I don't need her at my house whenever she feels like it. Hubby and I need time to bond with our baby and figure this out together.

People always offer to help so make sure you take it if you need it but also don't be afraid to say no thanks.

mfitch9191 · July 2015

I'm a FTM and my parents live 7 hours away. They are coming to stay with us for 2 weeks to visit and also help out. I am thrilled that they decided to stay that long since I don't get to see them much. We are very close and I am greatful they want to help out.

oneblessedmess · July 2015

First timer, my mom will be staying with us for a week only because she lives four hours away. So of course she isn't going to come see baby for just a day and leave. If my family lived in town though (My ILs do live here) I don't think I would really want people over all day long, like PP I like to do things on my own. Although I would probably appreciate people doing the cooking since poor hubby can't cook to save his life, but that's why I'm doing like 30 freezer meals so I have that covered as well.

Honestly I think it just depends on 1. What you're comfortable with, and 2. How much you think these people will actually HELP and how much will just be them sitting around wanting to hold the baby and watching you do chores. If they are the former, helpful type, then there's nothing wrong with letting them come do stuff, maybe grab groceries, change a diaper or two, let you grab a shower, etc.

mrsrep123 · July 2015

Thanks for all of your input. I am the type to want to do things on my own. I also want to have this time for our little family of 3 to bond.

@gotdiesel2007, it sounds like you were able to be self-sufficient even with other children... Did you have a vaginal or cesarean delivery?

Our parents live 1.5 hours away in the same town and my mom does not drive well in the dark or out of town, which is why my MIL will be picking her up if we want them to visit us in the hospital once we are settled in post partum. I guess I can have them on stand-by? Let them know I'll see when I get home and if I need them, I'll let them know??

jesicabrennan · July 2015

Take and accept all the help that is offered. You will be amazed at just how much time you spend sitting and nursing your baby. Also, the postpartum period should be about resting for you and you really shouldn't try to do a lot even if you feel up for it. Accept the help, have them do laundry, cook, clean and hold the baby while you shower!

mrsrep123 · July 2015

jesicabrennan said:
Take and accept all the help that is offered. You will be amazed at just how much time you spend sitting and nursing your baby. Also, the postpartum period should be about resting for you and you really shouldn't try to do a lot even if you feel up for it. Accept the help, have them do laundry, cook, clean and hold the baby while you shower!

@jesicabrennan this makes total sense but my DH will be doing the cooking, laundry, and cleaning... OR should he be relaxing too?

jesicabrennan · July 2015

It seems like a good idea to just have hubs do it all but when you get to the reality of it you don't want to be left alone with the baby all the time while he grocery shops and cooks and cleans and does laundry. Sometimes you just want someone there with you. While healing it's hard to figure out how to maneuver baby and yourself and where do you put baby while you go to the bathroom and oh crap I just got baby latched and suddenly I'm so thirsty! Hubby should do those sorts of things, bring you water, bring you food, hold baby while you change your clothes because you're covered in spitup and need to pee. Let someone else be in charge of cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. Honestly, even with an easy recovery from a vaginal delivery your tummy muscles just don't work and it's really hard to get from a sitting/reclining position to standing, let alone trying to do while holding a tiny baby! Keep hubs close just to help you.

SBbabyonboard · July 2015

I am very up in the air about this all. As I have asked my SO to please let us not have anyone at the hospital the first day as I am having a CS and would just appreciate the bonding time and healing time. My mother lives 4 hours away so have asked her to come help me when we get home as hubby goes back to work 4 days after my CS so no guarantee I will even be released by then. My SO doesn't understand I don't want 50 million people around all at once included his very opinionated mother. He keeps pushing to have her come stay as well and to have everyone at hospital ect. I understand he is excited and he is a 1st time dad( I have a previous son from another relationship) but it is important to me to have bonding time just us and space out our visits with family. Even my mom is only staying for 3 days and that will be lots! I don't know maybe I'm just being selfish and should just let the gates open and let everyone in, maybe it's cause I had a hard time bonding with my son immediately after he was born (due to CS and so many people around) just want some us time as a family.

Mudhappy · July 2015

I told my mom, who lives an hour and a half away, and my husband told his parents, who live 2.5 hours away, that we didn't want anyone at our house for the first week. They all offered to come and stay and help out, but it would just stress me out more. My husband has a month off after the baby comes to help me, so that's what we're doing. Our parents will be at the hospital, but when we are discharged it's toodle-ooh! Everyone is different though, and this is my first baby.

gotdiesel2007 · July 2015

@mrsrep123 First two were vaginal. I don't live anywhere close to family so honestly it's not an option but something I have to do. My family lives in PA and my first was born in SC, second was CA and this one will be born in Hawaii. My brothers are only 12 and 10 so my parents don't have the luxury of visiting whenever. With this one he is due four days before my other two start school so hopefully he arrives before then. Last thing I wanna do is try to figure out getting kids to school while having a baby. Then my husband leaves the country beginning of September until we join him which is looking like May so I'll have around 9 months of just me. Just how life goes here.

AziaNick · July 2015

I ended up having an emergency csection and our baby girl ended up in the NICU but my in laws were close and my mother in law worked near the hospital, so she would drop me off in the morning to see her. The first week she came home, my parents stayed with us and helped clean and cook and do errand and it was great because we were still getting used to her home and getting a handle of things. We originally didn't want help or thought we would need it, but it really helped

it depends On who helps though. Because it can be stressful if the people that are helping...aren't really helping and just cause stress. Good luck though!

mers90 · July 2015

With my first we wanted to go home and be alone since day 1 and when we were finally alone with the baby I just freaked out and drove to my parents' house and stayed there for 2 weeks! It was really helpful because it gave us time to learn and adapt, but now that I know how to do everything and have a 5yo I can't just run away like that haha so I'll be staying home! Luckily this time I have a maid that cleans and cooks so it's gonna be a lot easier than the first time!

mrsrep123 · July 2015

@gotdiesel2007, props to you! You sound like a superwoman/supermom. I, too, hope your LO comes before school starts... That would be pretty hectic. Thanks for your response... It's putting things into perspective for me for sure!

mrsrep123 · July 2015

@jesicabrennan, another good perspective! And, i think it would be great for DH to have his bonding time and not be too tired or caught up with chores. Plus, I think I'd rather have him help me be up and about rather than my mom, his mom, or my BF. Perhaps, I call on them after about a week if we need them...

mrsrep123 · July 2015

@AziaNick maybe if I end up with a cesarean, I will need my mom or MIL's help. Luckily, they'd totally clean and cook and give us our space. Thanks!

Jmitch8 · July 2015

With my first my mom came and stayed the 2nd week with me. DH had to go back to work right away. She will also be coming to stay for a week when baby decides to make his appearance this time. It's always nice to have the extra help and extra person there if it's possible.

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I can't decide... I need your input

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Re: I can't decide... I need your input

DS1 7/24/15

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