Small rant/concerning question

grapesoda1111 · July 2015

So I've been home visiting family/friends for 3 weeks, and my cousin and his girlfriend (ages 20 and 19) have an almost 4 month old. Since being home, the grandma has had the baby 3/4 of the time, I'm not exaggerating either. And this is the 3rd overnight my parents have had him. It just really irks me that they "pawn" him off on others, a lot. I understand they are young and need time off from the baby (just like every parent does). I know it's not my business to worry about it, So that's why I am ranting here. The father will come home at 3 in the afternoon and make himself a drink, (he's 20) and then they like to go out together and drink. I know that parents do need nights off, but their kid should be their priority. I don't mention any of this to my family, but my friend does agree. The mom also refuses to give her baby some of the shots he needs. Well he will have to get them eventually to go to school.
Question: is it recommended to use the car seat without the base? They do, and I guess you can do it that way (according to their carseat instructions) but I guess it makes me nervous.
I know they are young, and I hope they grow out of the go out and drink every night stage. I know they really do care for the baby, it just breaks my heart that he isn't with his parents a lot. (The mom doesn't work btw).

katiedhunter · July 2015

I bet your family thinks better that he is with them rather than with some random person so they can go out. To me using car seat without the base is for only an absolute emergency. I hope for their child's sake they realize what they are missing by not being there.

ash413 · July 2015

I know that it is really frustrating to watch, but at this point the child is probably better off with the grandparents. My SIL did the same thing, after having her son. She would just leave with the expectation my ILs would watch her son, which they always did. But living with my ILs provided a more stable home for him.

I would definitely use the base. I was under the impression that the baseless option was for emergencies, or places like NY where you maybe in and out of taxis where you are unable to have the base. If that was the case for us though, I would use an European style car seat instead of an American style.

tayzav · July 2015

I have been wanting to get the same type of situation off of my chest. I completely 100% know exactly what you're thinking and how you're feeling. My brother and his gf got pregnant when she was 14, yes 14. And he was just about to graduate hs. He went off to the Marines and doesn't get to see his little girl as much as he'd like. His now EX girlfriend lived with me for four months while I helped her graduate hs, tried to get her into a nursing program or even beauty school, offered to help pay for it and watch my niece when I wasn't working. She did nothing the whole time. She always threatened me that she was giving her to the fire department and cps was gonna take her, after I kicked her out of my place for numerous reasons. I had my niece all the time while she was out partying and doing bad things. She even cheated on my brother when living with me and ended up pregnant again. In which it ended in a miscarriage and that's the only reason we even found out. This was all a few years ago and things are even worse. My brother gets out in about six months and plans on trying to to get custody. Get this, she's prostituting for money. I can't even wrap my head around it. I busted her on some website because I just had a gut feeling after some guy put her in the hospital last December. I hate to say it but she deserved it. She's been out "working" and traveling to different states to open her legs for money. And all I can do it sit back and act like I don't know. She's trash. I didn't even know "escorting" was a real thing. I mean I did but I guess I am not that informed about it because it's disgusting. All the while before I knew any of this was going on my poor baby niece, now four, was seen in hotel rooms and pictures and it just makes me so sick to my stomach to think that's what was probably going on. Now she stays back here in California with her grandma while her "mother" disappears. She's been gone almost two months now. And grandma I don't think is much better of a person. I actually called a town in Louisiana because that's where I found out she was this time, and reported her for prostituion and me not knowing if she had her daughter. I knew she didn't but they watched for her and ended up catching her and putting her in jail for a week because she had no bail money. I couldn't tell you what she's up to now or even where she is. Makes me so sad and upset and angry that more can't be done. But I completely get where you're coming from OP about pawning your children off on everyone else, just so you can go run off and party. Sometimes babies having babies isn't a good idea. I feel like once you become a mother, no matter what your age, that kinda bs stops. Minus the occasional night out that all parents need. Ahhhhhhh!

helsbels222 · July 2015

Unfortunately this is what sometimes happens when babies have babies. What do most 20 year olds do? They drink and party. I can see why it is frustrating for you to watch. Hopefully they will get it out of their system soon and grow up but until then, like pps said, better for him to be with his grandparents where he'll get the proper care.

grapesoda1111 · July 2015

Thanks everyone, it makes me feel a little better knowing other people think the same way as I do. It is just frustrating but I hope they decide the drinking scene just isn't that fun!
Wow @tayzav that sounds just awful! That little girl needs a stable environment. I hope things go easy for your brother to get custody because clearly she is not a mother!

nursewho · July 2015

So this is my sister! She drinks and drives with the baby in the car and even made a post on Facebook seeing if anyone was available to watch my niece while she went on a girls night! Ugh! She's supposed to have documents signing my niece over to DH and I if anything happens to her. I got a larger vehicle just in case I end up with 2 babies this year. It makes me so nervous! Btw my sister is 35 (older than me) so I don't think think she'll grow out of it.

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