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O15 Mamas Pregnant After Loss: How are you dong? Check in!

TheSouffleGirlTheSouffleGirl member
edited July 2015 in October 2015 Moms
Hi there! I just wanted to check in with all the O15 mamas who are pregnant after loss, to see how everyone is doing! A lot of the public worry about miscarriage dies down after the 12 week mark, but I know that the effects of previous loss can stay with you all the way. Let's support each other!

I am at week 26 of my third pregnancy, after two first trimester losses in the past two years. My husband and I have tried to hold this pregnancy with an open hand, especially at the beginning, but even now, it is hard to give myself permission to believe that we will actually have a baby girl with us in three months.

While I have been doing pretty well emotionally since week 12, I have really struggled with buying either maternity clothes for myself or items for the baby - it feels like literally gambling money that she will survive. In fact, it's been so bad, I have only bought her one item (a totally useless but cute pair of fox moccasins!), and nearly had an anxiety attack all evening after, worrying for the first time all pregnancy about not feeling movement!

I have also been counting down the days until 90% viability, and each milestone has helped me relax a little. Even though the objective part of me knows that, statistically, there is a very small chance that anything will go wrong after this point, the subjective part of me that was wounded so deeply before LOVES the psychological comfort of being past the basic viability threshold Right Now. We don't have too much longer to hang in there - each day these days REALLY takes us all closer to having healthy babies in our arms! (Maybe it's time to consider actually buying a playard. ;) )

...How are you all doing?

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Re: O15 Mamas Pregnant After Loss: How are you dong? Check in!

  • comlandcomland member
    edited July 2015
    FTM 26 weeks today. I am doing better and better each week. Similarly, having a hard time making purchases but we do need to buy a car seat soon - I think I have put it off long enough. I did have a bit of a scare a few days ago when I felt like my bump had decreased in size. This brought me back to when I had a previous loss. I will say that every single kick makes me smile and keeps me knowing that baby is there! Glad you are doing well!

    Edit: We have been slowly buying some items along the way - not sure why I have this stigma around the car seat. I agree with @MommyPhoenix that it is important to enjoy this time and ignore the 'jinx' thoughts. I am oh-so excited to meet baby! Secretly hoping for an Indian summer again this year so there is time in October to enjoy being outside in nice weather before the snow falls.
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  • MommyPhoenixMommyPhoenix member
    TheSouffleGirl said:

    ....I have also been counting down the days until 90% viability, and each milestone has helped me relax a little. Even though the objective part of me knows that, statistically, there is a very small chance that anything will go wrong after this point, the subjective part of me that was wounded so deeply before LOVES the psychological comfort of being past the basic viability threshold NOW....

     

    Thanks for this post, I feel like I need this too! It's reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one with these uneasy/scared/excited feelings. I think I've adjusted pretty well now at 26 wks today.  Like you, I was also counting down the days/weeks...24 - Viability! With every new milestone I take a huge sigh of relief. I always thought of myself as a pretty well-adjusted, strong individual, but there's nothing that broke me down faster. I feel better about this pregnancy now and take NOTHING for granted. Hey, you wanna throw sciatic pain at me...shoot...heartburnzilla....no sweat. I'd vomit everyday, all day if it meant this little rainbow bean will stick! I think you can always will yourself into a better place after something like this happens, but you'll never forget, it stays with you forever on some level.

    I felt like I was "jinxing" things too with buying baby items, but then I turned the thought around and realized that if I didn't treat this as real and live in the moment, I'll regret that I didn't get to enjoy everything about this pregnancy because of fear of the unknown. Baby's crazy movements have been helping put me in a happier place...he can parkour all he wants, keep me up all night with his kicks...he'll be doing that once he's born anyway and I wouldn't trade it in for the world.  :x

    Home stretch is coming! We'll get to hold our little ones very soon!! :)

     

        

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  • alibagnuloalibagnulo member
    I'm right with you, we tried for 2 years and had a loss in the first trimester, then 6 weeks later were pregnant with this baby! I find it so hard to enjoy the pregnancy after suffering a loss, at times I still "don't believe" I'm pregnant...every time I get a little excited my mind shuts it down with worry, not wanting to get my hopes up! I'm 24 weeks with no complications so far (knock on wood!) but I still can't seem to relax & enjoy this amazing experience.

    My hubby has been wonderful & so positive...I just don't think he understands my fear...each week I feel better & I also purchased a Doppler which helps a lot :) her little kicks make me smile, and with each symptom I get I feel better knowing it's because she's growing in there!!

    Good luck ladies ! Sending positive thoughts your way :)
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  • Knottie1445378742Knottie1445378742 member
    We miscarried in November at 7 weeks, 4 days (didn't find out until 10 weeks) for the first time in four pregnancies, so I was very nervous in the beginning of this one. We still don't have a name for this baby - not sure if it is subconsciously related to that or if we have really run out of options. I do have to say that when my due date of June 16 approached, I was more relieved than sad - I actually thought how crazy life would be at that exact moment with a newborn (all 3 kids home for summer, just took on a huge volunteer job that I've been scheduled to do for 2 years and couldn't have changed with the baby, just had one of my busiest employees go on maternity leave at work) and felt so grateful about the timing of this one in October. I had a friend lose a baby (also her 4th) at 26 weeks for no known reason (she ended up getting pregnant with her now 8 month old just a month later), so I don't think I will feel relieved until I actually hold her in my arms, but I have always been a worrier. I just keep praying to St. Gerard and hoping for the best.
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  • TheSouffleGirlTheSouffleGirl member
    @Wee3Kings - I didn't know about St. Gerard! Thanks for the offhand mention. So cool that his feast day is in October - 5 days after my due date, and actually on the date that my first miscarriage occurred in 2012! I will start asking for his intercession, too, and keep you and all the girls on this thread in my intentions!
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  • comlandcomland member
    You all are in my prayers as well! This baby means the world to me and I am feeling so blessed.
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  • shannond21228shannond21228 member
    I have 2 1/2 year old twins that we had zero issues conceiving then went on to have 3 unexplained miscarriages. After the first miscarriage I was a wreck with each subsequent pregnancy. I struggle with anxiety and have difficulty staying positive naturally. With this pregnancy it took a lot of mental work to not have my fears and anxiety completely take over. I prayed more than I ever have and my mantra was that this pregnancy is different. It also helped that I was put on progesterone so I felt like I was doing something to help this pregnancy along. I still had my moments of fear though and still get a little anxious before every appointment.
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  • TheSouffleGirlTheSouffleGirl member
    edited July 2015
    @shannond21228 - I still get anxious before every appointment, too! I have had a tough time getting normal blood pressure readings, and haven't enjoyed my sonograms while they were in progress for fear that the baby wouldn't be moving, wouldn't have a heartbeat, etc. Telling my doctor about my history really helped, as did mantra-like prayer, and, frankly, so did just having more appointments that turned out okay behind me.

    I feel like my OB's office is really good about understanding this kind of grief as the death of a loved one, and not just one more contributing factor to the usual worries of a pregnant mama (although those are legitimate and significant as well.) My doctor even asked me on my last visit whether I had given named to my previous babies, and recommended doing so because he and his wife had done that after loss and it really helped! I thought it was so cool of him to suggest that, because I hadn't even brought up my miscarriages at that appointment - he remembered on his own, and just asked it like it was a natural follow-up to inquiring about the name of my October baby!

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  • Knottie1445378742Knottie1445378742 member
    TheSouffleGirl said:
    @Wee3Kings - I didn't know about St. Gerard! Thanks for the offhand mention. So cool that his feast day is in October - 5 days after my due date, and actually on the date that my first miscarriage occurred in 2012! I will start asking for his intercession, too, and keep you and all the girls on this thread in my intentions!
    Wow - I had never thought to look at his feast day. That is such a neat sign that it's such a special date for you (it's 3 days before my due date). After my miscarriage, a friend gave me a relic with a piece of bone fragment that was allegedly St. Gerard's. She volunteers for a local perinatal hospice (after losing her 3rd child to one of the trisomies minutes after birth) and they pass it from one family to the next. I only had it for a month or two, but it was so comforting. When someone else needed it, she let me borrow a cloth that had been blessed in the national St. Gerard shrine in Newark, NJ. 
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  • TheSouffleGirlTheSouffleGirl member
    edited July 2015
    - double post from bad internet connection ... that won't delete :( -
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  • tpete12tpete12 member
    I am currently 27 weeks pregnant after a loss last June at 22 weeks. I still panic before every ultrasound and doctors appointment. So far this pregnancy has been going in the right direction, but I am still hesitant about getting excited. I have been buying things, like a crib, car seat, etc and I plan on finishing my baby shopping next week when I am in the city. I am looking forward to shopping with my husband, but I am still scared that something will happen after we purchase everything.
    I have spent whole afternoons laying on the couch feeling her kick because I like knowing that she is okay. I struggle with days that I am busy because I worry that she isn't okay. We are getting closer to the end and I know I will worry until she is in my arms....and I will probably still worry after that.
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  • monkeybaby10monkeybaby10 member
    edited July 2015
    I am feeling better each day and then have my moments. I lost one baby girl at 22 weeks due to some pretty extensive chromosomal abnormalities in January 2008 and lost another baby girl at 12 weeks in August 2014 for reasons unknown. The latter was actually more difficult to digest as the results of tissue tests showed she was healthy so in my mind she should have been fine! However, in God's plan, I suppose he wanted to add a little boy to my family already with two little girls here ( and their two sisters in heaven). I still get anxious when going to my perinatal appointments every two weeks and seeing my OB. But so far so good! Here's to keeping this little fella in my tummy until at least 30 weeks... As that is when my youngest was born. Premature babies are an entirely different roller coaster of emotions that I would not like to visit again. Daily prayers and yielding doctor's advice even though I feel like a big ole lazy bum!!
    Best wishes ladies!!!
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  • tulegrl14tulegrl14 member
    This is my third pregnancy, I had two early losses last year. I'm 26 weeks on sat. The fear is always there, I thought after 12 it would get better but now I worry about stillbirth. I know I'm just being crazy, feeling him move soothes my mind and I sometimes make him move just so I know he is ok. I also know my baby is in Gods hands and he has blessed us with our little miracle.
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  • MamaOwl15MamaOwl15 member
    I lost my April '15 baby back in September. Baby passed at 6-8 weeks but I don't find out till 10 weeks, and still ended up having to have a D&C in November. That whole thing has felt weird to me, though, because we're not sure there ever actually was a baby . . . We only ever saw a gestational sac, no fetal pole or anything. So the baby may never have actually formed.

    I've been fine with buying things for this baby and all, but in the back of my mind, I'm still waiting for something to go wrong. I worry that she'll be born with some kind of abnormality or I'll have a 3rd trimester loss.

    But I have to remember that I worried about DS till he was born and I still worry but he's 2 and thriving now so . . . I think my fears are all in my head.

    a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1c2dc3.aspx" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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  • RainbowMama7RainbowMama7 member
    It's so nice to know I'm not alone. February 22 I had a second trimester loss and this February 14 found out pregnant! I too have been counting down weeks to viability and praying for my little one to make it to 30 weeks at least! It's so scary when you start seeing women in our group having their babies so early too. Hang in there ladies the end or rather the beginning is near!
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  • laceyjaeplaceyjaep member
    edited July 2015
    I really appreciate this thread. So often a loss is forgotten so quickly by everyone around you and it's hard to just move on when you are mom (and dad). Second time mom here. I had no complications with my first pregnancy and then went on to have a miscarriage at 9 weeks the day after Thanksgiving (and the day we had chosen to tell our family we were expecting.) Then found out we were expecting again in January. It is still hard not to control my stress and worry that this little boy will arrive healthy in 13 weeks. It's kind of like holding your breath for 9 months.

    Edited because of auto correct that wasn't so correct.
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  • NicoleAndDerrickNicoleAndDerrick member
    I am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong, beautiful mamas! Soon enough we will all be holding our precious little ones :) and then a new batch of stresses will come our ways haha
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  • cderitzcderitz member
    edited July 2015
    I appreciate this thread too. I am blessed with a happy and healthy 3 yr old right now. We started trying for a sibling for her last year and I found out I was pregnant again last September. By October I had miscarried at only 6.5 weeks but it was devastating to me at the time. Really rocked me to my core. I had been blessed with being able to get pregnant quickly and easily and just felt it would go smoothly the second time around. Took some time for me to heal mentally and physically. Waited the 2 full cycles per my doc and tried again. Got pregnant that cycle after and am now 26 weeks and 5 days. I have been trying to focus on this baby and everything has checked out just fine with the materniT21 test and the anatomy scan. I feel her move all the time and she's really getting stronger. I just get sad from time to time to think that I do have one that did not make it. She should have been due already. I can't really talk about it with my husband because he just closes up when it comes to loss. Nice to have others on this board who have been through something like this. I even kinda feel guilty writing this as I was only 6.5 weeks when it happened. To think of losing a baby around 20 weeks would be so devastating in the sense that one is so far along and to have made that connection mentally and physically. Praying for healthy babies for everyone!
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  • lindscapleslindscaples member
    I'll be 26 weeks tomorrow. I have two children now but my third and fourth pregnancies ended in miscarriages. One at 6 weeks and the other seven weeks. I think I finally started feeling less anxious after the 20 week scan. Before that was so hard. And even now I find myself worrying that something will still go wrong. But for the most part I am trying to continuously remind myself that most pregnancies that get To this point end with beautiful healthy babies! Hugs to all of you!
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  • KatlynSillKatlynSill member
    I lost my first baby last year who was due Oct11. Now my daughter's due Oct4 and I keep wondering what if every day. I haven't bought anything because I'm so scared. I had an anxiety attack making her registry. I freak out if she's not moving as much as usual. I haven't allowed myself to get excited. But every movement is amazing and I thank god every time I feel her. I'm so so scared.
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  • RainbowMama7RainbowMama7 member
    I thought once I was pregnant again I would be happy, but I'm petrified...I cherish all the horrible pregnancy symptoms because it's reminder to me that it's working and baby is growing...I am just so excited to be nearing the time when if my baby was born more than likely would be ok!
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  • emeraudecephiroemeraudecephiro member
    I have had a few losses (latest at 13 weeks) before I had my rainbow baby in March 2013, with this baby I was in a pretty bad car crash at 6 weeks. After ultrasounds and such it gets better for me, and now that I've had a successful rainbow that also helps. I just remember that today I am pregnant, and I love my baby :) 
    imageVincent Julian born on March 27th, 2013 DX with Down Syndrome image
    baby
      BabyFruit Ticker
    image
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  • nmiland28nmiland28 member
    edited July 2015
    @MamaOwl15 I cannot believe how similar my loss story is to yours..it's crazy! I lost my LO in September at 6 weeks didn't find out until November at 10 weeks and had to get a D&C in November also. My SO and I never felt comfortable with the whole situation..it seemed very strange how everything happened and the doctors wouldn't answer anything or tell us what was going on. To this day we have so many unanswered questions the doctor sould have been able to answer. They ran so many tests on me but never really told me anything about them..
    I have no problems buying anything for this LO but I constantly worry about things (like different things that could go wrong or having another miscarriage). This will be my first LO born so it might be normal to worry but I always think about what really happened back in September.
    When my due date of May 8th had come it was a sad day for me but I was honestly very relieved as I had graduated from college that day and had so much going on I couldn't imagine having a newborn mixed in at the time. My little angel will always have a piece of my heart and will always be in my thoughts
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