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March 2015 Moms
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Holding baby/Overbearing people

richdogrichdog member
in March 2015 Moms
I am a first time mom, and trying to do the best I can for my little one. For the first few months, I carried her in a wrap carrier to make her feel safe while we went out to the store, church, etc. That way she could learn about her new surroundings, but feel secure. Unfortunately, most of the people at church have been very overbearing, and crowd around me constantly to get in my baby's face They also make negative comments about how I choose to hold my baby. They talk very loud, make loud noises, touch her hands and face constantly, and generally are in our bubble no matter what I do or say. Now, they are complaining because even though we let everyone see and talk to our baby, we don't let them hold her. We even got reprimanded by a church leader because he didn't like our parenting techniques. There are 200 people at church! I'm just not comfortable with everyone holding her, and we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by saying yes to one person and no to another. Also, I definitely don't want someone to hold her and walk away into another part of the building. (I've seen them do this with other babies, and it scares me.) My baby is so little. I know I won't always be able to protect her from everything, but I'm doing my best. Am I being too protective now? Do people have a right to get mad because they can't hold my baby?
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Re: Holding baby/Overbearing people

  • secretbabasecretbaba member
    Urm she's your baby. Not the church's, not any of the congregation's, yours. I don't know how it works as I'm not remotely religious, but surely churches are supposed to be accepting? I don't know how appropriate it is for your pastor to be reprimanding you for keeping your own child to yourself. They're small for such a short amount of time - before they know it, she'll be running in between pews and driving them all up the wall.

    Saying that, I've always liked trustworthy people holding my daughter. I feel it makes her social, and she enjoys the different viewpoints and voices of other people. But that's just me. The point is, don't let anyone TELL you how to raise your child or make you feel bad because you're not involving them.
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  • richdogrichdog member
    Thank you. The thing is, I am totally comfortable around some people. The people who aren't demanding to hold my child. The ones who treat her like a human being instead of a puppy. I believe she is social...just the other day I was in a store, asking an employee for help, and my baby start cooing and trying to talk to him. He talked to her, and she grinned so big. It's just so frustrating that people are trying to make me let them hold her. It's kind of creepy honestly. 
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  • KD32412KD32412 member
    Wow, just WOW! You got reprimanded by a church leader for being a loving and protective mother?!?! That's kinda messed up and irritating! Some people are just rude! You are doing the RIGHT THING! My husband and I made all our extended family update their vaccinations before touching our child. I cringe to think about strangers touching my kids, ESPECIALLY on their hands and face! Blech!!! You are your child's advocate, keep up the good job and do not let these people guilt you into anything!!!
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  • rustychic16rustychic16 member
    Um she isn't the congregations baby....she is YOURS!!!! Plain and simple. If u don't want something done or don't feel comfortable with something then don't do it.
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  • Lala+1Lala+1 member
    I would be so angry... what everyone before me said is totally true. This is your baby, honestly I believe you are totally right to keep your LO close by baby wearing, and not passing LO around to get tons of germs! That's how we are as a family too, I have literally dodged people while I'm holding my baby when they have tried to touch his face or hands. It's disgusting. They aren't always happy about it, but when I just smile and say, "don't touch his hands or face, he's still little and building his immune system" they just smile and nod and talk to him a bit more and then be on their way. Notice how I didn't say please or be too nice about it, because you don't have to. Honestly it is completely rude to touch someone's child without asking, very innapropriate. If someone dared to reprimand me or even question that they would be shut down immediately and I wouldn't be talking to them much again.
    Set the precedent for how people are allowed to treat you and your family and don't feel bad about it Hun! Xx
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  • chelsco13chelsco13 member
    Don't worry about what other people think. My church has over 200 people and a lot of people ask when can we hold her or why is only mommy and daddy holding her and not grandma or so and so. My MIL will let anybody hold her or do whatever she doesn't care. So me or my husband try to keep her and keep people away. If they touch her I always clean her off. They have a nursery at my church but I refuse to let her go because I don't trust people.
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  • myjessesgirlmyjessesgirl member
    My church is a bit smaller, but I've not encountered anything like that. It sounds downright frustrating! While switching churches may seem like a viable option for some, I can say from my own upbringing that there will likely always be something that is not quite right about whichever church you attend. And this seems like a minor infraction compared to some. I do leave my LO in the church nursery, but I know everyone that works in it (I volunteer there myself) and trust them all implicitly. I choose not to wear my daughter all the time (she's a big baby at over 13 lbs!) but that's my choice and you're certainly entitled to parent in whichever way you wish. It sounds like the elder was just jealous, but chalk it up to having an adorable baby that is very popular! And church leaders, while deserving of respect, are not infallible. So take their chastisement with a grain of salt; gracefully mention your concerns and that you'd rather continue to keep your LO close, but that you certainly do appreciate the love and attention that you and your LO are getting. The Bible says a lot about parenting, but I'd challenge them to come up with a passage that tells us baby wearing and protecting our children is unacceptable! ;-)
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  • babyh310babyh310 member
    I'm sorry you had that experience. I have been very frustrated in general by people who seem to feel the need to point out and complain about whatever parenting choices we make that is different from theirs, as if my choosing to do something blatantly different than they did somehow means I am saying they were/are wrong so they need to win me over to their side or make me feel bad. We all have the right to make our own parenting choices. None of those people would be paying the doctor visit copay or prescriptions nor would they be dealing with a fussy sick baby all day or losing all their sleep at night if they were to inadvertently spread germs to your baby. Don't ever apologize or allow yourself to feel guilty or self-doubt for making and sticking to the best parenting choices you can. YOU are the mama. Forever! You do not need to tailor your approach to fit everyone else's.
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  • richdogrichdog member
    Thank you all so much for your support. We never dreamed we would find opposition from our church family on these issues. The bottom line is my LO is happy, healthy, social and thriving. I am her mommy, and I'm doing my best. Sometimes, it just helps to have other people say that I'm doing the right things, too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Best wishes to all of you and your families. 
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