inconsiderate in laws vent

sarahahmed26 · July 2015

so I'm due on August 8th and a few months ago my husbands brother decided he was getting married to a girl he just met in April. they wanted to have the wedding in June but pushed it so me and the husband and the baby can travel and go to the wedding (we're in Kansas, they're in VA). I was expecting the wedding to be pushed to at least two months after I give birth but they've planned for it to be on September 6th (which happens to be my and my husbands wedding anniversary

CaliforniaDream87 · July 2015

How is this inconsiderate? I don't understand. People have babies. That's doesn't mean your BIL should plan his wedding around your life event. So, not only should they not plan their wedding on 9/6 because you are due 8/8 but also because it's your wedding anniversary?
How do you know that date doesn't work best for their budget, time frame, ect? You sound a bit selfish here.

Not trying to sound harsh just a little perspective.

sarahahmed26 · July 2015

I'm sorry my entire essay didn't post, the point of my vent was to ask if you guys think it's safe to travel w a 4 week old? the pediatrician has already told me it's not recommended

johannaspisak · July 2015

I certainly wouldn't, but that's just me.

cosplaymom · July 2015

I would not travel until after two months.

ChristyM87 · July 2015

If you decide to go I would just wear the baby in a baby carrier and nor pass it around to everyone to hold. I know several people who have traveled by plane with a newborn and they said it was actually pretty easy because the baby slept a lot

Wering · July 2015

I see no reason that you can't travel with a 4 week old. You're staying domestic, so you don't need to worry about crazy jungle germs. Honestly, short of the car ride (I assume you'd drive that), it's no different than taking baby to WalMart.

kettlekitten · July 2015

Why is it not safe/recommended?

If I really wanted to attend something that required travel, I would do it as long as I was feeling ok and the baby was healthy and relatively settled.

Saratiff · July 2015

sarahahmed26 said:
so I'm due on August 8th and a few months ago my husbands brother decided he was getting married to a girl he just met in April. they wanted to have the wedding in June but pushed it so me and the husband and the baby can travel and go to the wedding (we're in Kansas, they're in VA). I was expecting the wedding to be pushed to at least two months after I give birth but they've planned for it to be on September 6th (which happens to be my and my husbands wedding anniversary

The entitlement in this post is unreal. Let them get married whenever the hell they want. Did you check with everyone before you made your wedding date to make sure it was convenient for them?If your not comfortable then you stay home and maybe DH goes alone. If your being there was that important they could have asked for your input. They didn't. It's your prerogative if you choose to go or not.

GirlOnTheBeach · July 2015

They have already delayed their wedding for you by three months. That was hugely generous of them to be that considerate. Especially since June is usually a very popular month for weddings as the weather is usually beautiful. Now they're getting married in September, one of the last months of predictable weather for the year, and you want them to delay it further. They aren't married right now because they wanted to accommodate you as it is. They aren't the problem here. I see no reason (other than for them to be able) to vent about "inconsiderate inlaws."

Some perspective: Picture the bride's post (if she were to make one). It would say something like, "I already had to push my wedding back 3 months for my future SIL and now she's still complaining about the date we chose. It's what works for us/my family/our budget/etc...and now she's complaining that it's on her anniversary and that she doesn't want to travel with the baby..."

Unless the baby and I weren't able to go for medical reasons, you'd better believe I'd be carting my butt to that wedding after all that. And I wouldn't complain at all since they've tried so hard to be accommodating.

ChanelLovesB · July 2015

Eh i wouldn't like to travel at four months. But since it's a close family member I would likely make the sacrifice if you and the baby are healthy. Just don't pass the baby around for
All to see, feel, and breathe on.

J0C0TX · July 2015

If your pediatrician has said no travel, that's it. Case closed. Make him the bad guy.

Stay home with baby, let your husband go celebrate with his brother. That way you can't be a complete witch for "keeping him away from his family" - sorry just imagining what my SIL would say if I was in your position

emmacake08 · July 2015

I never did travel that early but I know other people have and said it was really easy at that stage since LO still sleeps a lot. I traveled the first time with mine when they were 5 months and it was awful because they were old enough to need play time and we only made it 2 hours at a time and were trapped in a lot of McDonald's with angry babies.

As long as you don't have a preemie, I think it would be fine. I also think personally that flying would be less of a hassle.

sarahmu7 · July 2015

A friend's sister got married a week after she was due. Sister knew about the baby before she picked the date, but it was the only date that worked for them since they're both teachers in different districts. My friend put on the ugly orange bridesmaid dress and smiled for pictures like everyone else. Life happens. You just have to roll with the punches and make the best of it.

Edited to add- the baby was upstairs in their hotel room with a friend so mom and dad didn't have to worry about who was holding the baby.

albolan80 · July 2015

I'm due August 17 and planning to go to a wedding that weekend out of state (labor day, my guess is they did that deliberately so it's easier for everyone else to travel, too) and my doc didn't have any issues with it. Will I be a zombie? Probably, but that's life. It's a huge event for them and I want to be there to support them.... If I wasn't due so close, I'd have been a bridesmaid.

You need to chill out and look at it from their perspective. They already scheduled around you as best they could, which is pretty considerate. I don't know what meeting in April had to do with them getting married now, either... Just be happy for them

Joie80 · July 2015

I'd definitely go by car. Probably wouldn't fly with one so young.

MEMarn · July 2015

My DH is going to his brother's wedding alone 20 days after my due date. They planned their wedding based on what worked best for them, and asked DH if he'd be comfortable with being the best man that close to having had our son. We talked it over, and DS and I are just going to stay here in IL while DH goes to OH for the wedding. His family is rambunctious and they fully embrace the "party" of a wedding reception, so DH and I agreed it'd be safer for DS and I to just stay home until we go back at Thanksgiving (at the earliest).

Robin910 · July 2015

Honestly, I would be upset that a family member got married on my anniversary too. I doubt they planned it that way though.

sarahahmed26 · July 2015

thank you guys. I didn't mean to sound selfish or entitled I was just freaking out about traveling with a four week old. praying the travel doesn't bother her

MouseMama817 · July 2015

Wering said:
I see no reason that you can't travel with a 4 week old. You're staying domestic, so you don't need to worry about crazy jungle germs. Honestly, short of the car ride (I assume you'd drive that), it's no different than taking baby to WalMart.

Lmao OMG. "Crazy jungle germs." Idk why but I can't stop laughing!

MouseMama817 · July 2015

If my pediatrician told me I couldn't travel with the baby, I absolutely would not. However I would send my husband, a gift, and a nice card in my absence.

Starynightsky24 · July 2015

Well that's just your due date... Just saying. I'd probably be willing to take a 4wk old or older in a carrier and not let anyone touch her.

That said... You could easily be taking a 2-3wk old because not all babies come on/by their due date. And in that case is say NO WAY.

DD will be anywhere from 6-10wks old when my SIL gets married. I'm completely dreading going and I'm completely prepared to just hang out in the hotel with her if I feel like that's what she needs. DS is suppose to be in the wedding... Or else I wouldn't go at all.

Starynightsky24 · July 2015

And... Based on the title of this post, it's no wonder ppl feel that you're being entitled or bratty.

Do what you want. Obviously your BIL is so he should understand. And if not I'd tell him just like that.

Wering · July 2015

@Messymolly08 - It's what's on my mind right now, because we're thinking about taking my 2 year old and new baby on a cruise toward the end of the year (yes, before she'll be fully 5 months old). I kind of forgot about vaccinations and whatnot - we took daughter on a cruise at 14 months and she LOVED IT but was mostly vaccinated. As a note - my pediatrician told us there's no reason we can't go on a cruise. So we might be dealing with a few jungle germs, but seriously, people of WalMart scare me more than jungle germs!!

buckleyk · July 2015

My BIL and SIL got married on our first anniversary. Not quite how I pictured our first anniversary but what can you do?! They at least called and asked how we felt about it. It was the only date the reception site and church had a skiable at the same time.

cg0112358 · July 2015

sarahahmed26 said:
I'm sorry my entire essay didn't post, the point of my vent was to ask if you guys think it's safe to travel w a 4 week old? the pediatrician has already told me it's not recommended

I drove 2.5 hours to my 15-yr high school reunion with a 5-wk old and my 3-yr old while DH was offshore. I don't think it's a big deal to travel with a 4-wk old and honestly, at that age, they just sleep and eat so traveling is pretty easy. I don't think I even thought to ask my pedi, life just doesn't come to a stop just because you had a baby. Like PP said, just baby wear and it should be pretty easy, especially if you're only traveling with one.

ETA: just saw it was in a different state, how long would the flight/drive be?

puccagirl77 · July 2015

For what its worth, you don't sound that entitled to me. If they changed it to accommodate you, but haven't actually accommodated you, then what was the point? I would not be going that far to a wedding with an infant that small. I would probably just have my husband go on his own.

Savanna111911 · July 2015

I don't know that they were necessarily inconsiderate. At the same time though they are going to have to understand if you can't make it or do you aren't comfortable with the travel. Just like you can't expect people to allow their lives to revolve around your baby, they can't expect you to travel what could be 3-4 weeks after giving birth.

Don't rush into any decisions. Just tell them you are going to have to play it by ear and they should respect that.

It's not the same thing but I am in a similar position with my upcoming 10 year high school reunion. I'm due 7/31 and the reunion is 8/29. I'm just playing it by ear and will make a decision once we know more. It is only a few hours away not a few states so it isn't the exact same, but either way I don't know what I'll be comfortable with until we get a bit closer to the time.

sarahahmed26 · July 2015

the flight is 2/3 hours the drive would be 17 hours we're leaning towards flying

mrsdormane · July 2015

I don't think you sound entitled. They changed the date to accommodate and then didn't even do that. I think some people just don't understand at all and it's not on purpose. They're just clueless! My FIL and husband wanted to remodel our bathroom the week after my due date. I said no way! He could be a day old or maybe not even here yet. Also, if he was a week or two old by then, they would be hammering and pounding for a week in our house! No thanks. When I said no way, they totally understood, but hadn't even thought of why that would be a bad idea. On the traveling, my ped said we could travel whenever we feel comfortable, but said if BFing isn't established yet, it would likely be very stressful and not ideal to work on while traveling. A friend of mine's ped told her that he discourages travel until after 2 mo shots. I say go with whatever your ped says and whatever your comfortable with.

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