My WTF was I thinking breakdown

C3Duffy · July 2015

So last night, after waking up for my egg sandwich, I was laying there in bed and totally LOST it.

Why the hell did we do this?!?! I was SO excited at the prospect of another baby, of another pregnancy, and was so psyched to start TTC. Now? Why?!?!?! :'( I mean 3 kids? (And I wanted, key: past tense, 4!!!) I'm teetering on insane as it is with my 2.

The biggest knocker for me though, I just spent about 9 months of my life having my body all mine, for the first time in 5 years. Now? It's been hijacked again. I'm so so miserable, and I'm going to continue to be for 9 months and then I'm looking at a minimum of 14 months (average between kids) BFing. That's well over 2 years before I truly get my body back for myself. How am I going to survive 2 more years?!?!?!?! WHAT was I thinking?!?!?!

I wanted this baby so badly 2 months ago and now I'm not even nearly as excited as I was. Top that with a big old heap of guilt for feeling the way I do, when sweet women have lost their babies.

Damm constipation, nausea, exhaustion, acne, lightning crotch, sense of smell, Yada Yada Yada. Oh, and hormones. F U hormones.

Alliwilkerson · July 2015

This is my first, but I had a similar meltdown last week. What were we thinking? We're not ready for this! We can't afford this baby! Why didn't we wait until we were settled into a house of our own? I can't do this. I'm miserable and sick. What were we thinking?
I'm slowly feeling better about things. But I definitely panicked there for a while.

lightrox · July 2015

I'm having number 3 too and I've gone through moments like this also my boys are 8 & 5 and I figured I was done since I turned 35 in May and when we miscarried last year I came to the conclusion I was done but surprise I took a test and it was positive. I do wonder how I'll handle a newborn and two very active boys and all their activities but I'm trying to stay positive. I'm sure once you feel a bit better from symptoms your outlook will change. Hugs to you there are many of us out there.

stuckie12 · July 2015

Hugs to you mama

I'm sure it'll get better and I bet a lot of us are going can I do this?

MississippiCatfish · July 2015

Right there with ya. I've been pregnant or breastfeeding or both since January 2011, and I'm ready to be done.

C3Duffy · July 2015

Thanks guys,

I mean, I was also really excited from the second I POAS to about a week ago, when my symptoms hit full force. So I'm sure, aside from the obvious periodic freak outs, I'll feel much better mentally once I feel better physically like you said @lightrox. Last night was just really rough.

Y'all watch, damn pregnancy amnesia, I'll be wanting #4 before I'm even done BFing #3. I'm counting on you guys to talk me off the ledge with that one, or I expect visits at the funny farm.

paytonpedro · July 2015

After trying for almost a year, I was so happy to finally get my BFP. After that excitement started to wear off I realized my whole life is REALLY going to change! ( like I already knew that and read almost everything and WANTED THIS) but it hit me hard and made me nerveous and feel guilty? Idk. After my ultrasound on Monday those feelings completely went away when we seen that little heart beating away. Def preg hormones! I'm only a ftm but I feel like it happens to a lot of people in all diff situations.

redshoes2015 · July 2015

I'm very sorry your body has been hijacked.

Damn terrorist fetus.

bublesmiled · July 2015

I also had one tonight. I actually called my mom crying saying I think we made a mistake. I feel like I'm the only one having a positive emotion about this child. I know it's not real to dh and my sister who I work with is only worried about the time I'm going to have to take off when I have the baby. Hoping tomorrow. will be a better day.

C3Duffy · July 2015

PocketFullofShells said:

C3Duffy said:
I'm so so miserable, and I'm going to continue to be for 9 months and then I'm looking at a minimum of 14 months (average between kids) BFing. That's well over 2 years before I truly get my body back for myself.
I sincerely hope you feel better, but also

9 + 14 = 23

2 years = 24 months

It takes a couple of months for my boobs to stop constantly leaking Pocket. Your breasts don't just go back to normal the day you wean. Plus, my son was BFed until 16 months so I'm definitely counting on well over 2 years, 24 months.

C3Duffy · July 2015

But sure, math for the win. /eyeroll

miritako · July 2015

I think it's normal to freak out (or at least I hope so!!!), I alternate between this is so amazing, we will have a sweet little baby, to OMG what have I done!!!! Goodbye trips, goodbye spending on shoes and bags, hello diapers, to irrational fears about miscarriage and stuff. This is one hell of a roller coaster ride....

dravensmommy · July 2015

don't worry I had a similar breakdown yesterday, hormones are for the birds, it's like after dealing with so much symptoms you can be strong for only so long until you snap, cry, then pull yourself together and keep on pushing on, I hope the 2nd trimester we will all feel much better. hang in there!

sbegnaud93 · July 2015

Y'all have no idea how much better this post made me feel. I had a very "down" day yesterday. I'm so afraid of losing the babies that I let it overwhelm me sometimes. I know it's just my hormones because everything is absolutely normal. But yesterday was just difficult for me. Praying that we all have better days to come!!

minivanmafia · July 2015

Dear lord ME!

I cried for 2 days after I found out I was pregnant. I was freaking out. We wanted this baby, we WANT this baby, but it was unexpected. We had been ttc for this lil bit since I brought our youngest home from the hospital in Oct 2013. After nursing for, well we are still nursing, I didn't get my cycle back until he was almost one. Once he started the toddler tantrums over the last 2 months or so the hubs and I decided to stop trying. I told him I felt like my hands are full and I don't think I can do this again and BAM! I got pregnant. My first words were "You have got to be F*cking kidding me" Again, we really are thrilled. We have had our fair share of fertility issues but after 20 "NO" cycles we didn't think it would happen anyways. Stupid mother nature always showing who is boss.

I think how you are feeling and I think that its completely normal, if you hadn't caught that already.

totmeares · July 2015

Currently having this kind of day today. I've been crying since yesterday. My boss got me upset and it's been down hill from there. Ugh. I don't know what I'm doing.

Jilly82 · July 2015

I have this exact breakdown daily. Hugs

pbtoast · July 2015

Right there with you most days. I'm hoping that I'll start to feel better as time passes, because this is happening! The timing of this was a surprise for us (though not an accident by any means) and I feel SO unprepared. Glad I'm not alone in these thoughts and feelings. I'm glad to have you ladies to discuss these things with because this is not something I'd feel particularly comfortable discussing with many others. Hugs to all.

jennpar21 · July 2015

I had this last night after me and DH got in a fight, I have DS and he has a son as well but none together and we were TTC but I feel like what the F*** did I do? We haven't been getting along and between my hormones and him being a jerk I think this all the time and I hate feeling that way

pbtoast · July 2015

jennpar21 said:

I had this last night after me and DH got in a fight, I have DS and he has a son as well but none together and we were TTC but I feel like what the F*** did I do? We haven't been getting along and between my hormones and him being a jerk I think this all the time and I hate feeling that way

^ me too.

minivanmafia · July 2015

pbtoast said:

jennpar21 said:

I had this last night after me and DH got in a fight, I have DS and he has a son as well but none together and we were TTC but I feel like what the F*** did I do? We haven't been getting along and between my hormones and him being a jerk I think this all the time and I hate feeling that way

^ me too.

My DH and I go through spats like that. My hubs has 2 sons prior to "us" and we have almost 3 now together… It was rough in the beginning during the first pregnancy but we have learned the ins and outs of this crazy hormone "thing" so we feel like pros now! haha. "AKA DH is very patient with me

)

BabySeaTurtles · July 2015

TheBeggsBunch said:

pbtoast said:

jennpar21 said:

I had this last night after me and DH got in a fight, I have DS and he has a son as well but none together and we were TTC but I feel like what the F*** did I do? We haven't been getting along and between my hormones and him being a jerk I think this all the time and I hate feeling that way

^ me too.

My DH and I go through spats like that. My hubs has 2 sons prior to "us" and we have almost 3 now together… It was rough in the beginning during the first pregnancy but we have learned the ins and outs of this crazy hormone "thing" so we feel like pros now! haha. "AKA DH is very patient with me

)

DH and I having been fighting more lately too. Remembering from my first pregnancy, the first trimester brought more fighting then as well. Once the 2nd tri perk-up happened we went right back to normal. I anticipate that to happen this time too.

bookqueen · July 2015

I had a meltdown when DH told me he wanted to start trying for another baby. I went and took a shower after and started crying hysterically. After last year's traumatic miscarriage, I was absolutely TERRIFIED about getting pregnant again or going through it again. It took me a couple days to come around and not worry so much. It's certainly hard to keep remind myself that just because the last pregnancy ended in such a scary loss, doesn't mean this or any others will.

jennpar21 · July 2015

@pbtoast, @TheBeggsBunch, @BabySeaTurtles Thank ya'll so much you sure make me feel better! Come on 2nd trimester so maybe this non-sense will stop! We are in our late 20's there is no sense in this BS arguing!

pbtoast · July 2015

jennpar21 said:

@pbtoast, @TheBeggsBunch, @BabySeaTurtles Thank ya'll so much you sure make me feel better! Come on 2nd trimester so maybe this non-sense will stop! We are in our late 20's there is no sense in this BS arguing!

I agree with you! We will all get through this.

Hormones + big life changes on the horizon = not a good relationship combo.

DaisyTortilla · July 2015

I'm actually feeling this too. We were excited to try but as soon as we got pregnant, we realized, "what were we thinking?!" We are about to close on a home and we can't really afford a bigger vehicle, we might have to make the expense of new slimmer car seats for all 3, and pray that they'll fit. Jeez! Hope we al feel better soon!

RN0107 · July 2015

I've had a few freaks out too. This is #3 for us and I keep thinking how can I possibly every leave the house with 3 kids?! We want this baby and were TTC but it's still hard to wrap my mind around being out numbered.

minivanmafia · July 2015

bookqueen said:

I had a meltdown when DH told me he wanted to start trying for another baby. I went and took a shower after and started crying hysterically. After last year's traumatic miscarriage, I was absolutely TERRIFIED about getting pregnant again or going through it again. It took me a couple days to come around and not worry so much. It's certainly hard to keep remind myself that just because the last pregnancy ended in such a scary loss, doesn't mean this or any others will.

This absolutely breaks my heart. I know how you feel though I don't know "your" story. I have had 3 miscarriages (one that resulted in a tube removal due to ectopic rupture) and when I was pregnant with my youngest I had anxiety the first 20 weeks. I remember crying hysterically on the kitchen floor because I just knew that something was wrong. I think I was around 14 weeks or so. For some strange reason I am a little more laid back this pregnancy. If I had to guess I would say because we have not had a m/c since having the youngest so maybe Im more hopefully? I don't know. Virtual hugs though for you.

Topits · July 2015

Yes.

Every. Single. One. Of. These.

WTF. I've been crying going on 48 hours. FTM, life is changing. I cried at dinner last night trying to tell my husband all the things we have to do to prepare. IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT.

All the feels.

Also, this February thing is throwing me off... because the Fall/Winter is always so busy (football season, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Parties, Christmas Holidays, New Years......) I told DH that by the time we get through that, then BAM we practically have a baby. SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME. What was I thinking!?!?! So overwhelmed.

pbtoast · July 2015

Topits said:

Yes.

Every. Single. One. Of. These.

WTF. I've been crying going on 48 hours. FTM, life is changing. I cried at dinner last night trying to tell my husband all the things we have to do to prepare. IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT.

All the feels.

Also, this February thing is throwing me off... because the Fall/Winter is always so busy (football season, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Parties, Christmas Holidays, New Years......) I told DH that by the time we get through that, then BAM we practically have a baby. SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME. What was I thinking!?!?! So overwhelmed.

I cried last night in the Costco parking lot having a similar conversation with my SO. Not even caring that people walking by were staring at me sitting in the car blubbering like an idiot. I was also talking about all of the things we have to do to prepare, telling him "You can't just have a baby and figure it out later!" I'm such a planner, he is so not, and so many things are up in the air right now. I'm just so glad I'm not alone!

Topits · July 2015

pbtoast said:

Topits said:

Yes.

Every. Single. One. Of. These.

WTF. I've been crying going on 48 hours. FTM, life is changing. I cried at dinner last night trying to tell my husband all the things we have to do to prepare. IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT.

All the feels.

Also, this February thing is throwing me off... because the Fall/Winter is always so busy (football season, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Parties, Christmas Holidays, New Years......) I told DH that by the time we get through that, then BAM we practically have a baby. SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME. What was I thinking!?!?! So overwhelmed.

I cried last night in the Costco parking lot having a similar conversation with my SO. Not even caring that people walking by were staring at me sitting in the car blubbering like an idiot. I was also talking about all of the things we have to do to prepare, telling him "You can't just have a baby and figure it out later!" I'm such a planner, he is so not, and so many things are up in the air right now. I'm just so glad I'm not alone!

Oh thank goodness I am not the only one! I will never judge a women crying in public again!

Edit: Not to mention I woke up at 5 am, was sick all morning, finally mustered up the energy to make myself lunch to bring into work (made lunch, cut up fruit, got my ginger ale all packed up nicely) and then forgot the whole thing at home. Which leads to more crying.

minivanmafia · July 2015

Topits said:

Yes.

Every. Single. One. Of. These.

WTF. I've been crying going on 48 hours. FTM, life is changing. I cried at dinner last night trying to tell my husband all the things we have to do to prepare. IN A PUBLIC RESTAURANT.

All the feels.

Also, this February thing is throwing me off... because the Fall/Winter is always so busy (football season, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Parties, Christmas Holidays, New Years......) I told DH that by the time we get through that, then BAM we practically have a baby. SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME. What was I thinking!?!?! So overwhelmed.

I have said that last bit so many times!! I have freaked myself out talking to DH about all the stuff we have to do and I have actually said "School starts back in August, then football season, Ramseys birthday, ALL the holidays then BAM! Its February. This pregnancy is going to fly by, OMG!"

bredoll · July 2015

I'm there with you ladies. I'm doing everything I can to keep myself together this week. This baby was planned, we TTC for 18 months and were going to start with a fertility doctor if I wasn't pregnant by the end of June. We have been together for 6 years, living together 5, bought our house 3 years ago, September will be our 2 year wedding anniversary. We have good jobs, we generally only fight about REALLY stupid things and get over it in a day or less. Generally speaking we have our crap together. But looking at finances and thinking about the reality of having a care for a real, live human is freaking me the F out. Then things like hubby seeing how much daycare costs and immediately vetoing a second child when this one isn't even here yet because of our "lifestyle changes" makes me so mad. I'm trying to keep everything in perspective, it isn't real for him, he doesn't feel like crap all the time because his body has been hijacked by a tiny parasite so he has no sense of "hey, I probably should spend $200 on concert tickets every month so we can go buy a carseat." I don't want to get mad at him, but I'm getting close to the breaking point. All I keep thinking is "why did I think this was such a good idea." I know I will snap out of it, just hoping it's sooner than later.

bamcity1023 · July 2015

Omg! Same thing! I so wanted 3 kids...now we are going to have 3 kids I'm like WTF was I thinking?! Of course I will not admit it to family because they can be shitbags. I know once this sweet little baby gets here it will all be worth it.....

kateryna72 · July 2015

Ummmm I am also freaking out. We were trying for 1 more and now we're having twins. I keep going back and forth between exciting and freaking out. We also have a 2 year old, so I'm worried about never sleeping or leaving my house again!

TheBeesBonnett · July 2015

Yes. This has been the daily meltdown of the last week. I just got back into EMS and am volunteering in my new town, and I love it so much. We don't have shifts, we carry pagers for emergencies. I feel like I just found my new passion and now what!!!?? Plus anxiety from miscarriages in the past, already living on a shoestring, starting school again soon. Tears tears, eat, eat. Moments of happy, then see a sad commercial on tv and cry more

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