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September 2015 Moms
mrstzouganos
member
Christening/Baptism conflicts
mrstzouganos
member
I was raised Catholic and my DH was raised Greek Orthodox and prior to us getting married we agreed that since we were getting married in a Greek Church that we would baptize our kids Catholic. Now that we are getting close to the birth of our baby his family has been asking about when we plan on baptizing the baby. Within the Greek tradition a baby can be of any age to be baptized (which is all 3 sacraments in one and a Catholic ceremony is just one sacrament at a time), we want to have the baby christened in December when he will be about 8 weeks old. We have told them that he will be baptized Catholic and they are throwing a fit because they think he should be baptized Greek Orthodox. I have tried to explain that it's what we agreed upon before we were even married and they don't care one bit, yet now my DH is trying to get me to change my mind about the baptism and I don't feel it's right! It's not even like our religions are that different and the baby will still be able to attend Greek school (where they learn the culture and language). This is something that I will not budge on because it's that important to me! How do I get them to understand that my religion is just as important as there's? Without coming across as a bitch...
Re: Christening/Baptism conflicts
Hubby was mostly raised United, I'm fellowship baptist. We got married by a family friend that's neither (Salvation Army). There's a United church across the street from our house, so we've been going there, but I have no intention of baptizing our LO as a baby. My church does infant dedication, and believers baptism-you had to be old enough to give a testimony to say why you wanted to be baptized.
I refuse to baptize because I am not Catholic, and don't really plan to raise the baby catholic. It seems wrong to do it just to appease the in laws, with no intention of following through with what a baptism symbolizes. My DH didn't really have an opinion either way, as he doesn't really practice anymore. He would be happy to make his parents happy, but fully supports my reasons for not doing it.
In the end, I stood by my convictions, and let his parents know it was my decision. I stated my reasons and didn't change my mind. They tried to discuss it, but finally realized I meant what I said. I never felt the need for him to defend me or get involved, since it was my decision.
@AmandaNacora read above with regards to two Baptisms. In a Catholic Christening you make a monetary donation to the church and pay a fee to the Priest. And in a Greek Baptism you have to pay dues to the church (about $650), a fee to the Priest, and fees to each person who assists besides the Priest. It gets super expensive when you add a party into the mix.
It's not that we don't have the money to Baptize the baby or to have a huge party but I can't see spending that much money when it can be put away for the baby's future.
I agree that it is unfair for your DH to want to change what you both jointly decided prior to getting married. I would remind him (in a very calm and respectful manner) that this was something you both agreed to and that you had a Greek Orthodox wedding with the understanding that your children would be baptized Catholic. I would also remind him that just as important as his faith is to him and his family, your faith is equally important to you.
Not going through this to the same extreme but every now and then I get pressure from my in-laws to start going to their church (Episcopalian). I was raised Catholic and it is something that I hold very dear to me and something that I expressed to my husband before we were married. My husband was not as involved in his religion so we got married in the Catholic Church and decided that our children would be baptized in the Catholic Church. His parents know that I stand firm on my decisions so we told them where the baptism would take place, I knew that they were hoping it would be their choice and were disappointed that it's not. But, then respected our wishes, knowing that the decision is ours and that it had been made already. So I definitely agree with a previous poster that you are setting a precedent for how decisions will be handled (you and your husband or will everyone have a say) and how you will deal with issues where your in-laws have a difference of opinions. You can definitely stand your ground and still be respectful - beyond that, the rest is up to them and not your issue.
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He (and I) are leaning toward doing an ecumenical infant baptism, probably at my Lutheran church, with my Lutheran pastor presiding, and hopefully one of the Episcopal priests my husband works with assisting. The Episcopalians are in full communion with the Lutherans, and this shouldn't pose a problem. At this point, we'd be welcoming of my husband's Catholic parish priest coming and assisting as well, but I am highly skeptical that this will be agreed to, for many reasons. And I know it's going to hurt my MIL if her only grandchild is christened with no input or participation from the Catholic church. But I can't help it. It isn't my fault if the Catholic church is unwilling to participate in an ecumenical ceremony with my church.
A baptism is the first step into a religion. If you intend to raise your children in the catholic faith, attending mass, going to Sunday school, etc. then the child should receive that first sacrament of baptism in a Catholic Church.
If you plan to raise the child Greek Orthodox, than a greek baptism would make more sense.
A baptism is a big deal and a commitment so I'd just think about your plan for the child. If you just want to expose your baby to both faiths and let them decide as they get older, maybe you should wait until he/she is older for a baptism.
Since you already had the agreement and you're open to exposing the child to both religions, you have every right to be upset! It doesn't really matter what his family wants, this is a choice for you and your husband to make (and you already did!!).
mrstzouganos - first I want to thank you for sharing your story. My husband and I are both Catholic so the issue you're facing is not one we have. We do work with engaged couples wanting to be married in the Catholic church and amongst interfaith couples baptism is one of the "hot button" topics we see. The biggest issue is family expectations. And they always cause issues.
You need to sit down and talk with your husband in a calm way about what you both decided before family opinions came into play. Ask him why is he choosing to change the goal posts now. That you both made a deal and plan on this and it's not fair to change those plans now because his parents are choosing to make their opinion known.
Do you need to have a family conference every time you make a decision with your nuclear family? Nooooooo.... Hugs to you xxx
@teachermom210 Yes the Anti Doran is similar to the blessed bread. I have talked to my husband about his feelings and he has expressed that he doesn't think that it's fair that he can't have who he wants as a God Parent because the Orthodox religion won't allow it. This caused a huge argument because if we did the baptism in the Greek church my sister who is Catholic will not be able to be the God Mother, because she will not convert. The Catholic Church isn't to strict as long as the God Parents are Christian, however it has to be one male and one female, you cannot have more than one of the same gender. So he feels that his family can't be a part of the ceremony, not understanding that mine can't be part of the Greek ceremony at all. He does have a cousin who was married in a Catholic Church (we are very close to him) that can do it, and that's what we are leaning towards. I just hope we can get this settled so that we can make the arrangements.
Thank you everyone for your input, it's truly appreciated!
I work for a Catholic Church and many parents struggle with choosing one Godmother and one Godfather. One way some families worked it out was to use a proxy. Proxies are usually used in the event a Godparent can not attent. But in some cases, if Catholic/Christian Godparents are chosen but the parents want a third or fourth person involved in the ceremony, they can become a proxy for the Catholic/Christian Godparents. Your family will be on the Church records, but his family will take part in the ceremony....if this is a compromise you are both able to make.
I also wanted to note that our Church does not Baptize during Advent, so if you have not yet done so, you may want to confirm this with your Church.
Good luck!