Getting pressured by "mother in law".

Re: Getting pressured by "mother in law".

• crf4 member

  July 2015

  It's hard to have very little experience and try to let go of what people say but this is just the first of mannnny times that people will tell you things and you will just have to let it go in one ear and out the other. Your mommy instincts are almost always correct so just go with your gut. Sounds like any real exercise is making you more uncomfortable, if you feel good about your weight then that's all you need to worry about. Obviously for some women there are benefits and they are able to exercise up until the end, for me it's so freaking hot here that I haven't done more than playing with my kids and some light stretching. My neighbor also only had one kid two decades ago but insists on telling me how huge I look, how she worked right up until she went into labor ect ect, these women just want to toot their own horn. I know exactly how big I get with my pregnancies with no real problem losing the weight afterward. Try telling that to someone who knows it all after only being pregnant once.

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• rainbowBOOM member

  July 2015

  It doesn't sound like she's harping on you to stay fit, she sounds more like she is concerned about you having a good birthing experience. Staying active and lots of walking is supposed to help with delivery and Making an easier recovery for you.
  
  And if she gained a lot of weight maybe she realizes had she followed her own advice it may have been better for her as well.
  
  I'm a glass half full kind of person, I'd take this as loving advice and keep doing what youre doing. Don't be overly sensitive about what she says.

  

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• Savanna111911 member

  July 2015

  It sounds like maybe she is trying to help you not make the same "mistakes" she did. I know that making yourself walk when your feet are all sore and swollen can be hard, but it actually makes a huge difference for me. My midwives have consistently pushed walking and said we will be grateful for it when baby comes. I try to get in at least a short walk every day. You don't have to walk miles and miles but maybe just a trip up the street and back.
  
  As for your mother in law's unsolicited advice, maybe try to take it with a grain of salt. I know how frustrating it can be to get those lectures because my grandmother lectures me about staying fit and keeping my weight down every time I see her, despite the fact that I have only gained about 17-18 lbs. instead of getting mad though or upset try to take the half glass full approach and think of it as her looking out for you. Does she have the best approach? Maybe not. But I think at the end of the day it sounds like she wants you and baby to be healthy and have a good birthing experience. Try not to get too upset, it probably won't help anything anyway.

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• MrsJIsbell member

  July 2015

  My mom also told me it would be best if I got active and ate as healthy as possible. She insist that being strong and fit makes for an easier delivery. My fitness was at an all time low when I got pregnant so I made sure to tell my Dr and his response was, "your mother is one smart lady".
  I get what you say about it being hard. My mom asked me if I was still walking and I told her hell no it feels like I'm getting kicked in the vj! I have switched to swimming though and that's actually pretty relaxing, especially at night!
  

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• megmansell member

  July 2015

  Yeah but here's the thing.... Some MILs don't have your best interest at heart and just want you to feel crummy about yourself at a time when your body is changing so much! I am not one to always give the benefit of the doubt and would much rather some mouths remained closed.

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• greatgrandbaby7 member

  July 2015

  I agree that walking is too painful right now! I would just smile, nod and carry on as you are doing. You know best what's right for you, your body and your baby right now

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• babydoll1008 member

  July 2015

  Yeah my mom got naggy on my diet for my first too.
  
  You know what I did?
  
  My mom always complained to me how her mom nagged her weight gain. One particular story is where my grandma and mom were at a buffet and my grandma cryptically said while at the salad bar, "I put salsa on my salad because it's healthier than dressing." You know, saying it in a way that she's better than my mom for knowing that. My grandma isn't the healthiest woman either. That's the funny thing.
  
  So my mom hates being nagged on her weight by her own mother but has zero problems nagging me. So I figured the cycle has to stop in a harsh way.
  
  She mentioned that I need to watch what I eat more while I am pregnant. And exercise. And I'm a healthy 120lb gal when not pregnant so it bothered me slightly that she is nagging me (she always nagged me which led to some anorexia problems in high school). So she nagged and I told her, "don't worry. I switched to salsa for my salad instead of dressing."
  
  She has never said anything about my weight ever since. And life has been 10x better. So yeah, my advice is to be honest with how you feel. Maybe not as rude as I was but our relationship is so much better now that we aren't arguing about that. Tell her that your doctor thinks you are weighing fine and at least you didn't gain 60 like SOME people. Lol okay not that, but whatever to get your point across.
  
  Good luck!

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• MrsNaomiJ member

  July 2015

  I gained over 80 lbs with my first, and I lost all but 5 lbs. Do what you want. Tell her that she's going to put stress weight you if she doesn't quit bothering you!

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• zmombie member

  July 2015

  babydoll1008 said:

  Yeah my mom got naggy on my diet for my first too.
  
  You know what I did?
  
  My mom always complained to me how her mom nagged her weight gain. One particular story is where my grandma and mom were at a buffet and my grandma cryptically said while at the salad bar, "I put salsa on my salad because it's healthier than dressing." You know, saying it in a way that she's better than my mom for knowing that. My grandma isn't the healthiest woman either. That's the funny thing.
  
  So my mom hates being nagged on her weight by her own mother but has zero problems nagging me. So I figured the cycle has to stop in a harsh way.
  
  She mentioned that I need to watch what I eat more while I am pregnant. And exercise. And I'm a healthy 120lb gal when not pregnant so it bothered me slightly that she is nagging me (she always nagged me which led to some anorexia problems in high school). So she nagged and I told her, "don't worry. I switched to salsa for my salad instead of dressing."
  
  She has never said anything about my weight ever since. And life has been 10x better. So yeah, my advice is to be honest with how you feel. Maybe not as rude as I was but our relationship is so much better now that we aren't arguing about that. Tell her that your doctor thinks you are weighing fine and at least you didn't gain 60 like SOME people. Lol okay not that, but whatever to get your point across.
  
  Good luck!

  Lol!
  My parents both have hypertension and borderline diabetes. There both over weight. And they don't want to see me struggle like them. I get pre eclampsia with all my pregnancies.. I gained 100 pounds with my first. And 5o with my second because of poor diet and being sick.
  So the beginning of this last pregnancy I added a little salt to my food, and my dad was like "um should you add salt being high risk as you are" (all in good intentions and in no way saying "hey your fat" and I just looked at him. I was like yes.. I should. And he left it. lol as I said good intentions. But don't ever ever tell a prego how not to eat! And my mom was always reminding me "that's really high in sodium. It's not good for your blood pressure"
  So I would snap if someone else was nagging me. At least mine weren't nagging. Just looking out for me.
  
  I gained a total of 34 pounds this time. 20 up until the end when I got pre eclampsia. And 14 in a few weeks. (Fluid)
  Which I did eat sooooo much better this time.

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• hilarycarr1985 member

  July 2015

  I love this because this is my exact situation with my mother in law. I have only gained 14 and she gained 60. From the moment I found out I was pregnant she had been really pushy about my weight and telling me she wouldn't be surprised if I gained more. Here I'm at 37 weeks and she's telling me to be more active because if not I will continue to gain. I keep telling her I only gained 14 and she said are you sure? Ugh. You just have to swallow it and walk away or you will regret what ends up coming out of your mouth lol. At least you know there is someone out there with the exact issues with their mother in law.

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• Ckorines member

  July 2015

  I gained 50 with this pregnancy, didn't work out and had a beautiful, med-free delivery that ended with about 30 seconds of pushing. Couldn't have been easier. My daughter is 11 days old and after 24 hours I left the hospital and returned to life as usual. Easiest recovery ever. It sounds like your MIL is trying to help but tell her not everyone is the same! I really believe a lot of it is mental. You need to convince yourself of what you want and make it happen!

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