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February 2016 Moms
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Hubby and I seem to disagree about everything!

anewideefixeanewideefixe member
in February 2016 Moms
Now that the initial excitement has passed we have been fighting a lot and it's driving me crazy! We completely disagree on most of the decisions we need to make right now. I really want to get a midwife and have a home birth if everything is normal and my risks are low. My DH is completely against it. He won't even consider it. If he had his way he would probably chain me up in a basement for all nine months to keep me safe. I mentioned to him that I am avoiding fake food dyes and caffeine for the most part and he went absolutely bonkers when he saw me drinking a red cream soda. I tried to explain to him that it's about moderation but he wouldn't hear it. People keep joking that if something goes wrong they are holding me responsible and it's all stressing me out. I feel like I have just become a shell of myself and all anyone sees me as is an incubator now. I have dreamed about having a baby ever since I can remember and I had made all sorts of plans and done tons of research but I feel like I get no say over my body or my baby and I'm about to lose it! 
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Re: Hubby and I seem to disagree about everything!

  • FreshBakedBrowniesFreshBakedBrownies member
    Maybe you could compromise on a midwife and birthing center instead of the home birth? He's probably just freaked out about something going wrong. When I was pregnant with my son, everything went great and was perfectly routine. Then I had pretty severe unexpected hemorrhage after delivery. I'm very glad I was in a hospital.
    Anyhow, try to talk to him about how he's making you feel. It's great he's concerned about the baby, but he might need a reminder that you need support and need to be heard too.
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  • cantobeancantobean member
    It's pretty awful that people would "joke" about something going wrong being your fault. I'm sorry you have to deal with such insensitivity. :(
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  • moomeemoomee member
    If you haven't already, I would give him as much info about midwives and home birth as you can! Let him know that home birth is a safe option and so is having your birth at a birth center. Should anything go wrong, you will be transferred to a hospital. Maybe that'll ease his fears. :) 
    Mama Bear to Ollie, Leilah, and Lennon. Pregnant with Little Moo 2.0 (our rainbow baby). Due 02/14/2016.


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  • anewideefixeanewideefixe member
    Unfortunately, there isn't a birthing center anywhere in my area and I am not a big fan of the closest hospital or the ob/gyns in the area. We live only 5 minutes away from the hospital in case something went wrong but that is 5 minutes too far for my husband. They do have one room with a bath tub at the nearest hospital so I would be willing to compromise if I would be allowed to labor in it but it is first come first served and that makes me nervous. He also wants to run every test under the sun on our kid before it's born and after it's born and I believe that less is better on the non essentials. I hope that he will start to ease up soon, I'm trying to be patient but I can only take so much of everyone else telling me what is best for me and my kid lol.
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  • anewideefixeanewideefixe member
    moomee said:
    If you haven't already, I would give him as much info about midwives and home birth as you can! Let him know that home birth is a safe option and so is having your birth at a birth center. Should anything go wrong, you will be transferred to a hospital. Maybe that'll ease his fears. :) 
    I've tried, he won't even begin to consider it though or research it. This isn't a new idea for me either. I have been talking about wanting a home birth ever since we were dating. It was always a fight he put off for the future. Now it's necessary to discuss and he won't even entertain it. It's so friggin frustrating!! 
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  • robinj716robinj716 member
    You should get him a book to read! I've seen some on Amazon when I was searching for pregnancy books. They show up under "books you may also be interested in." I think they have some that cater just to newly expectant dads that help explain this whole new phase of life! Maybe it would help him see things from a different perspective.
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  • minivanmafiaminivanmafia member
    I know it seems to the extreme but at least he cares. I know that probably sounds crazy but he will hopefully come around and loosen up a bit. I am sure this is all very new to him as it is too you. I would just hold off on the decision making or the most part and just enjoy being pregnant. Maybe watch a few documentaries about the pros of home birth, or start reading a book and gather some good valuable info to help sway him a bit? Good luck though :)

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  • erincjacksonerincjackson member
    TheBeggsBunch said:

    I know it seems to the extreme but at least he cares. I know that probably sounds crazy but he will hopefully come around and loosen up a bit. I am sure this is all very new to him as it is too you. I would just hold off on the decision making or the most part and just enjoy being pregnant. Maybe watch a few documentaries about the pros of home birth, or start reading a book and gather some good valuable info to help sway him a bit? Good luck though :)

    All of this! My husband and I have disagreed with a home birth but have compromised with letting me labor as long as possible at home and then to the hospital for delivery. Good luck!
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