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Resenting Advice From Others

tnyitraitnyitrai member
in 2nd Trimester
I was recently told by a friend that I don't seem all that excited or into our pregnancy.  I found that I was a little offended by her comment, as it couldn't be farther from the truth; my husband and I are absolutely ecstatic about becoming parents.  I know that I am a very low key person and I don't scream, jump around, or gush a whole about things.  But I've found that I am becoming more quiet about our pregnancy (especially around a friend and my MIL) because I am tired of justifying every choice I've made or haven't made yet. 

I'm also tired of hearing my MIL tell me how she raised my husband and that we should do the same, and that she'll likely be raising our children because "the grandparents raise the kids, so mommy and daddy can go back to work."  (I think not).  

I know these are common issues, but it's so hard not to feel threatened or insulted by comments such as these.  Does anyone has any advice on dealing with these kind of people?  I just want to calmly tell people "we know we're not going to be perfect, but we've got this." without causing a debate (as we know for the most part they say it with the best of intentions).  

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Re: Resenting Advice From Others

  • twogirlsandagreentwogirlsandagreen member
    I had to tell my mom a couple of times that she had her turn to do things her way, and now it is my turn, even if she disagrees with what I do. Just set boundaries.
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  • SantistevanMommieSantistevanMommie member
    According to my fiancé I'm too blunt about stuff however I don't allow family to say stuff like that to me. And when they do I tell them to shove it. I'm pretty bad about telling everyone I don't want their advice on how to raise my child because only I will know what is best for my baby. I would just tell them you know what? I made this baby so I'll take care of this baby how I feel proper and if I want advice or help I'll ask
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  • tnyitraitnyitrai member
    Thank you all! I really appreciate everyone's comments. It's been one of those weeks... I just gotta suck it up and move forward.  I have my husband's support at the end of the day and that's all that really matters. =)
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  • BoonhildeBoonhilde member
    Unsolicited comments, stories, and advice are the bane of pregnant women. It doesn't end. But I think you're on to something with the whole "We've got this," response.
    BabyFetus Ticker

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  • willow1984willow1984 member
    My MIL does the same thing.  I feel like she's trying to get me to raise my son exactly like hers.  I don't think every child should be raised the same exact way.  You learn from things and do what is best for you.  Every kid is different.  The best you can do when people give their advice is just smile and laugh, then do what YOU want.  
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  • TaylovesbradTaylovesbrad member
    Ew I would be super annoyed!!! With both. I actually had a similar comment. We are all different. How about sorry I'm don't seem excited I'm nauseous and tired all the time.
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  • babyclark0102babyclark0102 member
    You should just smile and say we aren't in China. They do that in China the grandparents raise and look after the child while mum and dad works
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  • QueenCarlissaQueenCarlissa member
    I can totally agree with the MIL thing my boyfriends mom is like she loves kids and she will probably steal ours. I just really hate when people tell me their gonna take my child like its "MY" child you can't tell me what your gonna do with him/her when they get here. I just don't say anything either or I tell them even some of my friends assume they'll be babysitting & I told one of them no you won't be watching my child I don't like her actions & Im not trying to have people who want to play house with my kid thats a big no no to me.
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  • Stephanieshort2Stephanieshort2 member
    I get offended when people try to guess the sex of my baby. We won't have the anatomy scan for another 4 weeks and everyone who guesses is SOOOOO sure. I get so angry that I don't even want to talk to them. Haha silly hormones..
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  • Knottie95892899Knottie95892899 member
    I feel the same way, unfortunately im one to just grin and bare it all and complain to my fiancee at the end of the day, in the end essentially your going to do what you feel is best and i also have a MIL that is a bit overspoken at times, just have to set boundaries even though that can be tough too but if you dont want to loose your mind i would do it sooner rather then later!
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  • VegetaElPrincipeVegetaElPrincipe member
    I ignore them for the most part. Everyone thinks my baby is their baby or they know how to do everything. My cousin seems to be the best at giving advice. She tells me things not to do for health reasons and usually has an explanation for it. My mom and most of my aunts just speak without thinking and so do most older people. I also learned that if I ask them questions, even if it is about something minor like where to get good onesies, that keeps them at bay. They feel important and informative lol
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  • MelissadmagMelissadmag member
    I had a coworker make a rude comment about our facebook pregnancy announcement photo. He said that my hubby looked absolutely ecstatic in the picture, and I just look politely happy. He can just "tell" that my husband is way more excited and into the pregnancy than I am.....ummm what the h e double hockey sticks am I supposed to say to something like that? I am just not an overly emotional person so yeah, I wasn't jumping and screaming in the pic or at work, but that doesn't mean I'm not thrilled. lol, sorry no advice from me, I can just relate to that part of things. 
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  • AnishkaZaraAnishkaZara member
    My partner and I are currently living with his parents while we look for our own place since we just moved cities a few months ago. It is terrible. His mother keeps referring to my baby as her/ our baby. She went and told all her friends and family about my pregnancy when we had asked them not to say anything. Everyday she tells me how she is going to raise my baby. She comes from a culture were the grandparents raise the child but I have already discussed how her son and I will raise our child ourselves but she continues to act like its hers. I feel uncomfortable with the situation but I suffer through it quietly until I can vent to my partner.
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