Tired of being pregnant.. Scared of being a mom confessions

kitkatcurlyq · July 2015

I am a first time mom. I am 35 weeks. My pregnancy has gone well, and it was a planned pregnancy. I have a husband and a job and a plan for care when it's time to go back to work. I have a hospital bag, the nursery is done and everything on my "must have" list purchased. First, vent, I am so freaking tired of being pregnant! I want my body back, I want to be able to wear normal clothes and eat and drink what I want. I want to feel like I have space to breathe and eat and not to have to pee every 15 minutes. You can tell me I'm terrible and that it will all be worth it when the baby comes but that brings me to problem number two. I am terrified. Labor is scary. I also don't know what in my right mind made me think I could be a mom?!? My whole life is going to be surrounding a little person that I am responsible for, and the job never stops. You'll never not be a mom again. Please tell me these feelings are some what normal and that you actually enjoyed becoming a mother, bc I am freaking out!

mamaloaf · July 2015

Your feelings are normal and you will soon wonder how you ever lived a day without this amazing little creature in your life. I promise.

KaylaLovesNoah · July 2015

Same!! I just tell myself if it wasn't totally work all the suck, then people wouldn't have multiple children!

CaliforniaDream87 · July 2015

Same feelings I had two weeks before having my son. What you're feeling is absolutely normal. Becoming a mother is a life altering event that won't be easy but is the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

Be easy on yourself.

bpwife&mama · July 2015

I've mentioned this before on here, but on the first night home with DS I was devastated that I had him and how my life would never be the same. In one aspect I was right, my life isn't the same. I love being his mom so much. You'll realize how much your life has meaning now that you're someone's mom.

As for labor, yea it sucks. But it doesn't last forever and when it's over you'll feel like such a badass that you did it!

Kimk1616 · July 2015

I totally relate to this PP. I've started wondering what the heck I got myself in to and that maybe I don't want to do it anymore. I'm sure I'll change my mind but I definitely understand.

kettlekitten · July 2015

Completely normal!!! Especially at this point because it starts to feel real. Also freaking out a little now as an STM, but generally feeling positive.

I'm not gonna lie, I didn't enjoy the baby stage as I've explained elsewhere on this forum, but I have found each new stage easier than the last. People try to scare you by saying 'it doesn't get easier' or if you're struggling with a little baby 'wait til the baby's crawling/walking/talking - then you'll know what hard work is like!' And things like that, but to be honest I've found each new milestone to be more fun and easier to manage. Not to say it is without challenges, of course, I am still operating on sleep debt....but I can manage it better now. And everyone is different so you may not know how you'll react to something til it happens. My little DD is such a bright spark, every day she says or does something that makes me amazed I made her.

All I can say is to try not to overthink, and to take each new day as it comes. Not great advice sorry, but it really does help to focus on what's in front of you at any moment. Thinking too much about 'lifelong responsibility' is sure to freak anyone out!

missmarissa711 · July 2015

I am totally with you. FTM and ill be 35 weeks Sunday. It is a huge change, and its scary to think about how much will be different in just a short amount of time. But on the same hand, I am so excited, and seriously thrilled to have this baby. I think (and it could be different for you) we may just be getting very anxious because we are getting so close, but what is so close is still so unknown to us as FTM's. We will be okay

gokahne9 · July 2015

I could have written this same post word for word. No advice...but know that you are not alone with your feelings

alyciamrs · July 2015

Wow. Unbelievable. I literally had this exact conversation with my DH like an hour ago. Exact same thoughts swirling through my head. I'm a FTM, 35 weeks. Thank you so much for posting and letting me know I'm not alone.

wmellis · July 2015

You are not alone! This post describes me word for word. I'm terrified of labor, terrified of being a mom. As a FTM as well I find it's hard to really connect with this baby that I've never met, don't know anything about and don't fully comprehend how it will change my life. I am confident that this will change with his arrival but it's been really hard to have excitement outweigh my anxiety. Sorry I can't offer any advice but you are certainly not the only one with those thoughts and feelings!

harris26 · July 2015

Thank you so much for this brave post! I could not agree more! As a FTM myself I don't have any advice but reassurance that you are not alone in the freak out stage of pregnancy! Everyday something new hits me about the gravity and reality of what's to come. You are totally allowed to feel how you feel, never let anyone ever make u feel less than the amazing woman you are! I (and many other ppl) will be praying/meditating/thinking positively for all of you!

SashaDenn25 · July 2015

Just as a couple PP stated, you arent alone. Im a FTM with the same feelings and ive been helping raise a LO since she was 2! However, ive never been through the infancy stage and quite frankly im just like oh my goodnesss im never going to make it!! Im TERRIFIED of labor and im scared of what happens when we get home with baby and DH and I are tired as crap and not having sex for that first at leaat 6 weeks and what my body will be when we finally can and will he like it and will I be a good mother, will he think im a good mother. The list goes on...being on here and realizing how many STMs there are is just forcing me to just forgot all of it. Sure, those thoughts arent gone, but I dont let them take over and stress me out. My best advice that has worked for me is to do just that, forget about it and worry about it when it happens. We dont have much longer as far as being pregnant goes either, it will literally be here before you know it at this point. Just savor these moments of being without a child to get you through the end of this pregnancy and once it all happens just deal with everything as it happens and ask for help when you need it. As soon as I told myself all of this ive at least stopped with all my major anxiety...might work for you!

KittykatSteph · July 2015

Some of this totally relates to me too! Don't get me wrong I am super excited about becoming a FTM but also a little worried about the major life change - it's really not that I don't expect my life to change in a big way, I know that, we planned this baby, but then everyone pipes up with their thoughts saying 'ohhh you'll never have time for this/that/the other' well why not? Why can't I take my baby with me when I go out shopping etc..? It might not be easy & I might have to turn round & come back home when baby is hungry or needs a nappy change but I want to try, I feel people are stopping me & spoiling it & the baby isn't even here yet! Or they say things like 'oh u have no idea how hard it will be'....don't I? How do they know how hard I think it will be? How about u let me wait & see & try before telling me I can't do it! Seriously it really gets to me & makes me worry & ive never felt like that at all about becoming a mum!
As for the pregnancy... I am over it! I want my body back, I want to eat what I want & drink what I want & I want to be able to breathe & not stop for the toilet every 30 mins!!
Come on babies.... We want u out now! (We love u though!!) xxx

Joie80 · July 2015

I'm a STM , 35 weeks along, and I still wonder what on earth I've gotten myself into. These are normal feelings. Having children is probably the biggest adjustment you'll ever have to make. It's exhausting and overwhelming, but it's also completely amazing. Be easy on yourself and exhaust your resources. If you need a break here and there please solicit help and don't forget to take care of yourself too. You'll be fine. It will not be easy, but I promise there's no comparison to the joy and love that's about to enter your life

alichamb · July 2015

gokahne9 said:
I could have written this same post word for word. No advice...but know that you are not alone with your feelings

Me too. I have these same feeling every day! I think (hope!) it's normal. I'm sure in a few weeks time all of the first time moms will shift to the "I can't imagine NOT being a mom" feeling...!

kitkatcurlyq · July 2015

Thank yall for all of your kind works and assurance. I was kind of scared to post, because I didn't want the "well you wanted this.." Response or the "hah, you think this is hard just what until.." And you lovely ladies were so gracious and sweet. I do feel better knowing I'm not alone in my feelings

nakoppel · July 2015

KittykatSteph said:

Some of this totally relates to me too! Don't get me wrong I am super excited about becoming a FTM but also a little worried about the major life change - it's really not that I don't expect my life to change in a big way, I know that, we planned this baby, but then everyone pipes up with their thoughts saying 'ohhh you'll never have time for this/that/the other' well why not? Why can't I take my baby with me when I go out shopping etc..? It might not be easy & I might have to turn round & come back home when baby is hungry or needs a nappy change but I want to try, I feel people are stopping me & spoiling it & the baby isn't even here yet! Or they say things like 'oh u have no idea how hard it will be'....don't I? How do they know how hard I think it will be? How about u let me wait & see & try before telling me I can't do it! Seriously it really gets to me & makes me worry & ive never felt like that at all about becoming a mum! As for the pregnancy... I am over it! I want my body back, I want to eat what I want & drink what I want & I want to be able to breathe & not stop for the toilet every 30 mins!! Come on babies.... We want u out now! (We love u though!!) xxx

Love this! A lot of well meaning friends have kept telling me oh you'll never do this or that and it's like maybe you don't but let me try! ESP with loosing thr baby weight and working out. One of my friends was here last night and was like 'oh by the way the weight takes FOREVER to come off so don't be surprised if you're still big for months'. Maybe that's YOUR body but everyone's body is different....

emmacake08 · July 2015

When we brought our twins home from the hospital after they were held for 10 and 11 days from prematurity (and it had taken us 5 years of trying to make them), I was so excited to get them home. Then we got home and an hour later we both bawled our eyes out because we were so overwhelmed by the responsibility and how much our lives had changed. I never thought I would feel that way but it's so overwhelming but then you fall in love and it gets easier and less hard.

mtxo · July 2015

I wonder if being 35 weeks has to do with it. My thoughts exactly, had this conversation yesterday with DH. It's pretty natural to be scared of the unknown, we're all in this together. X

erinmh88 · July 2015

Your not terrible. I'm a first time mom and 33 weeks..I'm tired too... I already have back problems and its excruciating. I'm also bipolar but have finally evened out some for the second time..just emotional. I'm terrified of labor too...like idk if i've even felt braxton hicks contractions.. I'm scared I won't realize it when I'm in labor...also my son is going to be born with clubbed feet so that's even more of a stresser.

KrystalP2286 · July 2015

I also completely relate to this post. It makes it even more stressful when I try to talk to my husband and he's not scared about anything! NOTHING! I ask him if he's anxious or worried or anything- I get NOTHING. I feel like I'm alone with my feelings, so it's nice to know other FTMs feel the same. This is a big life event. I'm scared I won't be a good Mom, or won't be able to care for him properly (even though I've taken the hospital birth classes, read everything I can on breastfeeding possible, etc.). I think it's just more real since I'm 35 weeks as well..

breezymeema7 · July 2015

This is my 4th baby and I still feel that way. Your life does change, and yay some days are really hard, but the good days are so good. I'm sitting here drinking my morning coffee and I am listening to my girls play in their room, laughing and chatting away. That right there, makes it all worthwhile.

Miz_Liz · July 2015

There are a couple of things you have to remind yourself of. The first, which I lived by as a FTM, is, "If labor was THAT bad, no one would have siblings." I told myself this over and over and over again, and it is true. Does anyone want to sign up for some extra labor in their free time because it is so awesome and they just can't get enough?! Umm, no (and if they do, admit that person to the looney bin immediately), but the truth is, you WILL get through it, you have no choice, and it WILL be worth it, I promise. The second thing you have to remind yourself when people tell you how hard it is and how much it will change your life is that YES, it WILL be hard (I still refer to that first week as "survival week" because that is your goal - survive) but what they are NOT saying to you is, "You will regret it," because you WON'T. I have NEVER met a parent who said they regret having their child(ren) - even parents who didn't plan to have kids or want kids who had one by accident, they NEVER regret it. It WILL change your life but in a way you can't even imagine. I have tried and tried to think of something to compare it to, and there is nothing. I could say, remember once when you couldn't drive so you were stuck at the mercy of your parents or older friends to get anywhere good? And then one day you finally got your license and it changed your world? And now you can't remember what it was like to not be able to drive yourself someplace whenever you wanted? Well yeah, that DOES NOT even compare to how much this will rock your world in the best possible way!! I literally could.not.live without my child. Could not. Would not. Can't even fathom. As a STM I have fears too, but I have all of the knowledge of what I went through becoming a mom the first time and that is what keeps me sane. I ask myself HOW can I love another like I love him?! How can I not favor him because he is my first baby?! But I know that she will come with her own bucket of love and I will - I know that even though I can't comprehend it. I ask myself how I will handle it when my DH is at work and I am out numbered, but I know from being a mom that you just do, you find ways to do what seems impossible because that is what moms do. Do I miss having the freedom to go away for a weekend with my husband or friends whenever I want? Or go to the bar and dance the night away? Of course, but do I miss it as in I want to rewind my life and be back there instead of where I am now??? No friggin way!!! Plus you CAN and WILL still have nights and weekends away with your SO or friends once you are comfortable leaving your little one. Your conversations will change to talking about your kids with your friends because that is what you want to talk about, they consume your life because you want them to consume it. I guess I look at it this way...I personally believe in God and heaven. You hear about people who have died and gone to heaven and come back. They can tell you their stories and tell you their experience, but we cannot fully comprehend it because words I am sure cannot do it justice. Becoming a mom is the same - I can tell you until I am blue in the face how awesome it is, but you cannot comprehend it until you lay eyes on your baby for the first time. Then you will just know.

MouseMama817 · July 2015

I'm having the same fears. What's weird is I've wanted to start a family for a very long time and now that I am I'm nervous that I'll stop "feeling like being a parent." Who does that? It's been just my husband and I for 10 years and we've always been able to live our lives exactly how we want.Once the baby is here obviously our schedule will revolve around her. The idea is just so permanent and scary! I know that I will feel differently once I lay eyes on her but I definitely feel guilty for even slightly having these thoughts now.

hclzmm14 · July 2015

If you didn't feel this way I might be worried for you! The person you once were will vanish the moment you see your LO for the first time. And you will just *be* a mom. My girl is almost 16 months and I still have days where I am like, I don't even want to be a parent today, but you just get through it. And you will be a great mom, so don't worry too much. Plus we are all here for you so if the day comes when you bring baby home and you are seriously overwhelmed, you can always come vent to us because we will know just what you're going through.

LilLee11 · July 2015

As everyone has stated - these are normal feelings! I actually think it'd be odd if you didn't experience some of these emotions. I'm a third time mom and even I will randly think things like "omg I have to do baby food again..." It's the most random things that will trigger weird emotions w me! But I promise you it is all worth it. You may not get that "in love" feeling right away either, but eventually it'll set in.

One thing that gets me through rough moments is saying "long days short years..." It makes me sad looking back on how fast the years have flown by!

And good luck! I think you're a better mom for admitting these emotions. You'll rock it!

emmamohn21 · July 2015

Lurking from sep15 because I'm being induced Aug 27th... Anyways, thank you for this. So, so much. I'm so scared and to hear that so many other FTMs feel this way, makes me feel like I'm not a terrible parent *before* I've even had the chance. I wish we could all group hug in real life because this is scary and its important to acknowledge that. We're scared, and that's OK. And that feels really good to say (type?) out loud.

aveline8 · July 2015

Parenthood is a roller coaster! It's totally normal to have all those feelings because having children IS probably one of if not THE biggest life change you will experience. But then you meet your LO and pretty soon it is impossible to imagine your life without them or quantify the crazy deep love you have for them! There are hard days, but they make the great days even sweeter

and take everyone's advice with a grain of salt- everybody is different and you will adjust to your life with your LO. With our first, DH and I just decided that we would try to continue to live our lives and DD would adapt and fit into it (within reason of course, some days I don't dare mess with nap time!)- we didn't want to 100% revolve our lives around her and it's worked pretty well for us. Not sure if it's because of that approach or just personality (probably a bit of both) but DD has turned into a pretty flexible, adaptable little person who loves to tag along with us whatever we're doing. All that to say- do what works for you and your family!

beep6610 · July 2015

The reassurance! Ah! I, too, feel like I could have written the OP here. And as a PP mentioned, my DH doesn't seem to have the same anxieties. Maybe he's staying tough for me, maybe it hasn't hit him yet, maybe it won't. But it feels good to not be alone is these fears. I feel like all I hear from STMs is how hard it is, how tired they are, how they've faced this new issue or that one. It's really terrifying, I chose to do this?! How do I do it?! DH keeps telling me "if our moms could do it, and we are at least semi-well adjusted adults, we can do it". Haha, ok!

xsunshinelady15 · July 2015

Totally normal feelings! I am a STM and I own a business. I keep thinking, I should have done this 5 years ago, what was I thinking?! It all comes together as it should though. You will adapt to each stage as It happens.

gmd88 · July 2015

Wanted to add that I am with you as well. I have not had the hardest or easiest pregnancy but as much as I've tried to embrace it ... I'm not a fan. I want baby OUT, every day seems like an opportunity to out on more weight, every night hurts my hips like crazy... It's so old. However, I'm petrified of trying to manage this infant and keep him happy and fed and all when I'm beyond exhausted and recovering. I'm terrified of breast feeding and being an endless sore milk machine. I know I'm completely irrational and emotional when I'm over tired. I'm bummed I can only take six weeks off because I have no paid leave, and I'm mad at myself for not being successful in saving more to take more time off. I'm scared of putting him in care at six weeks old and the added time on my daily commute while already being exhausted to bring him 30 min in the wrong direction away from work to bring him to stay with someone I feel safe with.

I'm a planner and I like to know how things are going to happen. Having things out of my control makes me very anxious. I'm trying to remember that things will be OK and to take it one day at a time.. Before and after baby.

Best of luck to all you mamas. Thanks for the original post and all the following posts.

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