Community› The Bump Month Clubs› November 2015 Moms
November 2015 Moms
New Discussion

Mother in law to be.....

athomas8369athomas8369 member
in November 2015 Moms
My mother in law to be expressed a desire to be in the room for our 20 week ultrasound on Tuesday. I really am not comfortable with it and kinda said off hand that i wasn't sure the clinic would allow that....because I panicked and wanted to say something lol. Anyone else have that happen and how did you handle it? I guess I should just say I am uncomfortable with the idea and not blame the clinic?!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Mother in law to be.....

  • frasch21frasch21 member
    edited July 2015
    I would be honest about it. There's no way I would let my mother in law in the delivery room. No way! (Luckily she doesn't want to be either.) I'd talk to your significant other and tell him you really want it to just be the two of you.

    Edited: Was originally thinking delivery room for some reason.. but I'd be honest from the get go rather than possibly get caught in a lie. Its always best to be open and honest.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • athomas8369athomas8369 member
    Yeah thats what I was thinking. This is my 4th, my other 3 kiddos were with my ex husband and his mom was just always super respectful and understood I am a private person. I just want it to be my kiddos and my bf in the room for it. Made me nervous she may be the type to ask to be in the delivery room too! Um....no
    Report Reply
  • nbpa3027nbpa3027 member
    As long as she isn't the type to call the clinic to find out, I would just blame the clinic. To me it would be much easier than starting an arguement about it. And the ultrasound place that I use actually does have restrictions on who is allowed to be there.

    On the other hand, If she is the type that really needs boundaries, then this might be a good way to start setting them. The 20 week ultrasound is first and foremost a medical appointment and really needs to be treated as such.



    Report Reply
  • athomas8369athomas8369 member
    That's also true. And I feel like they wouldn't want a million people in there. My 3 littles ones and my bf will take up enough space in the room without her and her husband there too!
    Report Reply
  • JLW0504JLW0504 member
    Can you take her to a separate ultrasound place? My mom wants to be at the AS too but instead we're doing a 3D/4D scan. I think she will like it better, and bonus, my Mom is paying for it. :D
    photo 978af5ba-08bb-4481-86d8-3ab82265c5c3_zpsc80d6cf2.jpg div align="center">photo f1bdfba8-890a-4221-be22-61d4a9f99eee_zps89ebc57e.jpg
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


     
    Report Reply
  • jessilee15jessilee15 member
    If you aren't comfortable then say no, but maybe make sure to get her some pictures or a CD to soften the blow and then she can show her friends and family?
    Report Reply
  • athomas8369athomas8369 member
    Yeah that would be good. I will definitely get lots of pics for her. I am happy she wants to be so involved. I have just always been very private with stuff. These are good ideas tho, thanks ladies!
    Report Reply
  • ashleywuliashleywuli member
    Just set your boundaries now. For my first pregnancy my MIL wanted to do everything, from sonograms to birth... After I said no to everything, she hasn't asked since. It was a blow to her at first, but she finally got it. Eventually I asked her sincerely if her MIL or mother was in the room for what she was asking. She said oh, God no, so I said well, that is how we feel too. I hope I remember how I felt when I'm the MIL and don't bother my DIL or son when it comes to things like this.
    Report Reply
  • mamavbsmamavbs member
    ^^ this. Be honest and firm from now. Just say you'd like it just to be you and your partner but you will send her a photo. You could set yourself up for more issues down the line if she thinks you're open to this stuff... Turning up when you're in labour etc.
    Report Reply
  • queenwogqueenwog member
    My MIL has been trying to invite herself to my appointments, including the anatomy scan (tomorrow!). I just told her it'll just be DH and I at the appointments or if he's not available I prefer to go alone. You have to be firm about these things because some people are more presumptuous and have no boundaries; my MIL has no concept of boundaries either so I've learned over the years to be firm with her.
    Report Reply
  • athomas8369athomas8369 member
    I'm glad I am not alone in this! I talked to my SO and he agrees it should just be us so at least we will be united when we have to talk to her.
    Report Reply
  • Pontot31Pontot31 member
    That's good you both feel the same way. It's hard but you've got to set the rules early sometimes. Be firm but nice. Tell her you'll get lots of pictures and let her see them.
    Report Reply
  • queenwogqueenwog member
    Remember, too, that if you don't set and enforce boundaries now while you're pregnant, they'll be harder to establish once the baby is here. Don't let her set a precedent you don't want to maintain for the rest of her life. Learned that one the hard way with my stepdaughter and MIL; I wasn't around for the early years with SD and as a result she has no boundaries with her twelve years later. Lay down the law now. Glad your SO agrees with you.
    Report Reply
  • athomas8369athomas8369 member
    Yeah I need to just do that. I find her to be kinda scary sometimes but the last thing I want is a precedent set that I don't feel comfortable with. ...thank u
    Report Reply
  • cfletch88cfletch88 member
    Just say no. No need to make up stories.  I agree with PP, set your boundaries now because once the baby comes it will only get worse.  I got over trying to be nice and not hurt my MIL's feeling really quick after my DS was born.  She had a big entitlement complex and It finally took telling her that she won't be apart of our son's life if she doesn't back off and respect my wishes. This time around she hasn't asked/ assumed she'll be a part of anything.  We have a much better relationship now because she knows how I feel.  
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"