Disagreement over baby's middle name

sarahlaserena · June 2015

My husband and I are having a disagreement over our baby boy's middle name.

He wants his middle name to be "Eugene", which is also my husband's middle name. However, my husband very much dislikes his own middle name, so why would he want to do that to his son? Also my husband's estranged father's middle name is also "Eugene", so I understand it's kind of a family name, but although my husband still has a few fond feelings for the man, he's been a pretty bad father figure overall.

As for me, I just plain dislike "Eugene".

Should I just let it go since it's only his middle name instead of his first name? I just feel like I would feel bad for my son having allowed a middle name that I don't even like. $:\$

coffeeB4tea · June 2015

I would say no. Eugene is a pretty terrible name IMO. Plus all the bad connotations with his estranged dad? Nope. Maybe suggest your DH's first name as the middle name instead?

bbiutmcph · June 2015

You have every right to veto a name. I agree with you and if he himself dislikes it and he doesn't have a relationship with whom it is after why the heck would he want to continue it? If the child is getting your husbands last name that is carrying on something from his family already and the first and middle should be something you both are happy with.

Sassenach1743 · June 2015

bbiutmcph said:

You have every right to veto a name. I agree with you and if he himself dislikes it and he doesn't have a relationship with whom it is after why the heck would he want to continue it? If the child is getting your husbands last name that is carrying on something from his family already and the first and middle should be something you both are happy with.

This!

Veto Eugene if you can't live with it (and who would want to carry on a name after a person who was not a good person to their child anyway?). Choose a middle name from your side of the family to honor someone who deserves it and leave your husband's surname to carry on his family line. That might help you settle this argument.

MamaWren919 · June 2015

Eugene is a pretty bad name. I think DH's first name might be a good option to appease him or suggest another family figure like his grandfather.

LizWhiz87 · June 2015

If you hate it, you shouldn't use it. I agree with PPs that the significance of the name is drastically altered if there are so many negative connotations. Everyone you name a child after doesn't have to be a perfect person, but an estranged relative, especially when it is someone who is supposed to be so close to you, is not the right person to honor.

sarahlaserena · June 2015

Thank you for the input. I'm glad to see that I'm not being unreasonable about this.

He won't clearly tell me WHY he insists on Eugene, so I guess this is a serious conversation we need to have.

I half-joked with him the other day that if we do use Eugene, that I get to pick the first name, and he half-joked back "Well I still get to veto" and I'm like, "But I can't veto the middle name?!"

I dunno. There are certain things he's weird about and won't really explain why.

jessnjuan07 · June 2015

I agree with coffeeB4tea

mattandlora · June 2015

My son has a mn I'm "meh" about, but it was a family name on DH's side. It was used for many generations, then stopped with his grandfather (baby's great-grandfathrt). DH wanted to revive it. I said "no" very early in the pregnancy. He let it drop, then suggested it again after DS was born. I caved and agreed to use it. But when my father-in-law heard the name, he started crying and thanking us for naming our son after his dad. Now that DS is older, I see it fits him. Plus it's a mn. Not like we use it much. As I once read on this board, "the middle name spot is where unpopular family names go to live until they become popular again." I don't regret using the name at all now.

BUT....... totally different story if it has a negative association. I wouldn't do that at all. There's a few family names I consider unusable for that reason.

LNic5 · July 2015

If he doesn't even like it that much I'm not really understanding him wanting to give it to his son as well. And if he's estranged from his father, that's another negative imo

4N6s · July 2015

Is he willing to compromise? Gene? Or anything else?

Disagreement over baby's middle name

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