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August 2015 Moms
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Bitch please!

dkizz82dkizz82 member
in August 2015 Moms
ok I hardly ever post on here and here I am again. I am just so pissed I had to talk to someone.

Tomorrow is/was my due date of my first daughter. It will always e a hard day but I like to do a little rememberance post about her life, how it mattered, how we miss her and we still think of her.
This year I added how it was different because we have this special blessing on the way.

Well this so called 'friend', really my SIL's friend, who's known me for all of 2 years, messaged me and basically told me I should get over my miscarriage. Many people have miscarried and I should just be happy I was having a healthy baby.

I seriously want to slap her! The worst part is she had a chemical pregnancy when she was a teenager so you think she'd understand.

Sorry! I just needed to vent.
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Re: Bitch please!

  • purduepat2004purduepat2004 member
    Sorry, thoughts and prayers with you and your difficult day tomorrow.
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    purduepat2004 said:

    Sorry, thoughts and prayers with you and your difficult day tomorrow.

    Thank you!
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    edited July 2015
    breezymeema7 said:

    Unfortunately there are people who don't understand. And unfortunately some of those people feel the need to voice it. I'm sorry you have to deal with such negativity on an already hard day. Don't let her junk get in the way of your daughters beautiful memory.

    Thank you so much!
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  • Miz_LizMiz_Liz member
    I am sorry you are going through this. My original due date was last month and it was a hard day for me too (thankfully all of the lovely ladies on here helped me through it!). I was fortunate that no one said anything negative like that to me, and I guess they were fortunate too because if they were within striking distance when they said that to me it may have gotten ugly. Don't let her get to you, she clearly lacks common sense and tact.
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    Miz_Liz said:

    I am sorry you are going through this. My original due date was last month and it was a hard day for me too (thankfully all of the lovely ladies on here helped me through it!). I was fortunate that no one said anything negative like that to me, and I guess they were fortunate too because if they were within striking distance when they said that to me it may have gotten ugly. Don't let her get to you, she clearly lacks common sense and tact.

    Thank you! I am sorry for your loss as well. My message back to her was polite but stern. I just couldn't believe it.
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    archetypeblonde said:

    I hope her hateful comment eats away at her more than it does you. And I hope you receive overwhelming amounts of love and support during this difficult time. Your grief is justified and you are brave for seeking support. >:D<

    Thank you. I thought the same thing. I hope she never experiences this type of pain (apparently the first one didn't bother her) again. But if she does, her words will surely come back to her.
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  • Kimk1616Kimk1616 member
    What a heartless thing to say. Whatever happened to if you can't say anything nice, just don't say anything at all. Especially in regards to the loss of a life. I am sorry for your loss and hope that you've found lots of support elsewhere.
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    Kimk1616 said:

    What a heartless thing to say. Whatever happened to if you can't say anything nice, just don't say anything at all. Especially in regards to the loss of a life. I am sorry for your loss and hope that you've found lots of support elsewhere.

    I have! Thank you so much! And I am finding so much here!
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  • AnguelesRAnguelesR member
    It's sad but there are people who simply believe  death is something someone can just get over and just forget about it. I'm sorry for your loss I did grieving counseling all I can say is when you need to cry and vent do it don't let other peoples comments get to you. It's your emotions it was you're loss you cry that baby that's an Angel now.
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  • SHiebSHieb member
    I would've lost it at her, a loss is a loss and there is nothing wrong with grieving for your daughter. I am so sorry some people have to be so mean. I am sorry for your loss! I hope you're able to find peace and comfort on this hard day!
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    SHieb said:

    I would've lost it at her, a loss is a loss and there is nothing wrong with grieving for your daughter. I am so sorry some people have to be so mean. I am sorry for your loss! I hope you're able to find peace and comfort on this hard day!

    Thank you. The more I think about it the more I want to lay into. She said she felt the need to speak to people about their losses. Geez! She really needs a new calling.
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  • carleym93carleym93 member
    I'm sorry that you encountered someone so insensitive. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow!
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    carleyec93 said:

    I'm sorry that you encountered someone so insensitive. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow!

    Thank you!
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  • strauberstrauber member
    I think sometimes people who haven't experienced a loss like this just can't understand (and therefore should probably keep their traps shut). My best friend from grad school lost her fiancé in an avalanche two years before I met her. Her grief did seem perhaps overwrought to me as every year (for 12 years now) she mourned that day. Then I had four miscarriages (1 very late). Each of those days is as hard for me as if I had held and raised those babies myself. I have a whole new respect for my friend and anyone else who suffers a loss like this. Your (kind of) friend just doesn't understand and it hurts. But just shake your head and know we all grieve in our own way. Have a beautiful day tomorrow.
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    strauber said:

    I think sometimes people who haven't experienced a loss like this just can't understand (and therefore should probably keep their traps shut). My best friend from grad school lost her fiancé in an avalanche two years before I met her. Her grief did seem perhaps overwrought to me as every year (for 12 years now) she mourned that day. Then I had four miscarriages (1 very late). Each of those days is as hard for me as if I had held and raised those babies myself. I have a whole new respect for my friend and anyone else who suffers a loss like this. Your (kind of) friend just doesn't understand and it hurts. But just shake your head and know we all grieve in our own way. Have a beautiful day tomorrow.

    Thank you! You are exactly right.
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  • gulimzgulimz member
    That's terrible and insensitive. A loss is a loss and a child is still a child. I am so sorry for your loss and can't imagine how you must feel =(
    Hang in there and cut off insensitive a$$holes out of your life.
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    gulimz said:

    That's terrible and insensitive. A loss is a loss and a child is still a child. I am so sorry for your loss and can't imagine how you must feel =(
    Hang in there and cut off insensitive a$$holes out of your life.

    Thank you!
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  • Seed0824Seed0824 member
    My friends and I decided yesterday after discussing some of the comments people have made to us about/during pregnancy that people just really need to shut up. Your "friend" is one of them.
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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    Everyone grieves very differently, so many will not treat a loss the same as others. Stay strong momma, glad you took up for yourself and im so glad this new blessing came into your life to give you a positive to have on your tough day!
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    Seed0824 said:

    My friends and I decided yesterday after discussing some of the comments people have made to us about/during pregnancy that people just really need to shut up. Your "friend" is one of them.

    Thank you! When I miscarried I said the same thing. People said the stupidest things to me. Uggggg.... So dumb.
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  • 13itchyBride13itchyBride member
    I'd delete a bitch!
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  • msmoleculemsmolecule member
    My first child died from meningitis a month before his first birthday. It's been about 16 years since then and I still get depressed around the time of year of his death. I don't share the story often, and once I trusted someone enough to share it with her and that a-hole had the nerve to say, "Well you were pretty young when that happened, so at least it didn't affect you as much as it would if you were older." I wanted to throat punch her. Thinking back on it now, I'd still like to throat punch her. You don't stop being a mom after your child dies. It is something that affects you to your core for the rest of your life.

    I hope you're working through it alright and feeling better today.
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  • dkizz82dkizz82 member
    msmolecule said:

    My first child died from meningitis a month before his first birthday. It's been about 16 years since then and I still get depressed around the time of year of his death. I don't share the story often, and once I trusted someone enough to share it with her and that a-hole had the nerve to say, "Well you were pretty young when that happened, so at least it didn't affect you as much as it would if you were older." I wanted to throat punch her. Thinking back on it now, I'd still like to throat punch her. You don't stop being a mom after your child dies. It is something that affects you to your core for the rest of your life.


    I hope you're working through it alright and feeling better today.
    I am so sorry someone was so unkind to you. I pray people never feel the hurt of losing a child but they seriously need to keep their mouths shut!
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  • cseley321cseley321 member
    In general, people have no idea what to say so they end up saying the stupidest things.  I remember on my first miscarriage some of my friends said things along the lines of, "Well, it probably just wasn't meant to be."  That just crushed me even though I know they meant nothing bad by it.  You start thinking of all the unfit parents, the children living in bad conditions - I felt like this was insinuating that it's okay for THOSE people to have kids, but by all means me and my husband, both responsible adults in our 30's, "just weren't meant to have kids." This is the reason that I didn't really tell anyone about the following pregnancies and miscarriages.

    I'm sorry that some of you had these things said to you, just know that you're not alone and people will never fully understand.  I am disgusted at myself for passing judgment on a woman i knew years ago (not to her face, just in my thoughts) who went through a miscarriage and I really just didn't understand why she would make such a big deal when the baby wasn't even born.  Then about 10 years later I went through the same heartache.  I wouldn't wish a miscarriage or a loss of a child on anyone, but I have found it only makes it worse to talk to family and friends who cannot relate.
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