No visitors first week after baby? Why/why not?

smiley1322 · July 2015

Trying to decide if I want visitors at all in the first week after baby's birth. If he's born while MIL is in town, we'd invite her for visiting hours at the hospital on day 2.

I've been freezing meals to have 1 week's worth after his arrival.

As a ftm, I don't know how I'll be feeling, want special bonding time with dh, baby and I and would want privacy bf. Also, worried about germs and baby's compromised immune system.

ashleytiff · July 2015

My mom and sister are driving down and not taking no for an answer but they will only be here the day he is born then they go back home.
I'm not having any home visitors for at least 2 weeks because my husband only gets a limited time off work and I don't want him sharing that time with anyone.
And then I'll give myself some time after he goes back to work before having visitors so I can figure out what works for us before having a flood of people wanting to come over.

mfitch9191 · July 2015

My hubby and I both have huge families and everyone is not taking no for an answer. So I'm thinking a bunch of people are going to be around the first week. But I'll take all the help I can get

efunk21 · July 2015

Honestly, if you want a couple visitors choose ones you are very comfortable with. My first week post partum (after vaginally birth) was not fun. Had a hard time sitting, going to the bathroom was nearly impossible and my nipples cracked and bled from breastfeeding. I don't want to scare you as it all goes away, but I was not a happy mommy the first week.

2babes3angels · July 2015

With our first, my in laws came down for the day (they live 2 hrs away). Friends came here & there, and my family (all at least a 12 hr drive away) came a couple weeks later. I loved that setup because we had plenty of bonding time as a new family, but also had people keeping us company, feeding us, and giving me a break to shower without overwhelming us! This time around, in laws will be present for the birth to take care of our older boy and I'm hoping to spread it out with friends & my family again. It worked perfectly for us!

I think it's totally ok to let people know that you're not sure how you'll be feeling. But I would definitely start setting up the boundaries now so that people have time to process & accept it, if you decide you need alone time at the beginning

michellerenee1987 · July 2015

With my first born we did the no visitors thing and becuz I wanted just that time alone with hubby and baby. This time around I'll be okay with some visitors here and there. My mom will come for a couple days after a week or two of us being home. And I'm
Sure my MIL will come asap for a small visit. I'm rule is if your gonna be here your Gonna be helpful otherwise I'll kick your butt out. Lol

babydoll1008 · July 2015

I think I will say no to visitors beyond certain family members (mom, parents-in-law). Only because I hate the need to feel like I need to entertain. My vagina just got ripped open by something the size of a pumpkin. I will not entertain! Haha

babymorgan72015 · July 2015

We will allow visitors at the hospital the next day but once we go home we want at least a week before having any visitors. We want to get adjusted, into a routine, and since hubby is taking that week off I would like to enjoy time alone with my little family.

LittleRue · July 2015

I think it's more realistic to make those decisions once your baby is here. Especially if you're a FTM. It can go both ways you might think visitors is the worst but for me the thought of being Inside my house for 7 days with my husband who gets stir crazy after 1 day off, my 13yr old, and a newborn ahhhh no thanks. Also my hubby isn't taking more than a couple days off he's in construction and fire contract so it's unrealistic. We are going to expect friends and family coming over. But if there are complications or unusual circumstances with the health of the baby we might not let anyone over.
You can Be flexible and tell your family and friends you're playing it day by day.

gotdiesel2007 · July 2015

I'll be lucky if I'll even be home. If he comes anywhere close to his due date, kids will be in school so they will need dropped off and picked up and things still need done. Life doesn't stop for baby here.

Savanna111911 · July 2015

I think it also depends on your family/visitors expectations. My parents are coming and have asked if they can stay with us or if they should make other arrangements. We ultimately decided to allow them to stay with us because we know that it will be a lot of help. They can help us with meals, walking the dogs, etc and seem willing and able to do so. DHs family live in town so they won't be staying with us but I'm sure they will come too. We are going to try to limit friends and extended family as best we can but we will see how that goes.

On the other hand if you feel like your family won't be helpful or will just try to hog the baby and expect to be waited on then I would consider asking them to wait.

VToman · July 2015

My in-laws asked me if we wanted them to come to the hospital or just stay away until we get home and settled. I just don't know how I'm gonna feel. Right now, I think I'm gonna want to show her off to immediate family! But, once she's here, I may just want to be alone with her and hubby. My mom is flying in from out of state and staying indefinitely to help us. I will feel terrible if she flies out here and then she doesn't get to see us while we're in the hospital, so I'll probably allow her and the in-laws at the hospital...

AziaNick · July 2015

We didn't want visitors because it is a special and stressful time. Especially that first week.

crf4 · July 2015

Everyone is different. We have two older kids so we really need the help as I'll be recovering from a c/s. Obviously this is going to my MIL and then after that my mom, not anyone I have to entertain. Honestly when I was a first time mom I was so bored in the beginning, you can only rest so much and babies sleep a freakin ton for those first couple weeks. With him I had friends/relatives over just because I was in need of some interaction!

corndogrobot · July 2015

I didn't want anyone to come the first week but they are coming anyway.

wheresilenceismusic · July 2015

We are in NC and our (huge) families are in the same town in NY, so we hope to bring baby up to visit everyone at a later date. My Mom and MIL are on-call in case we need them at first, but I've made it clear that we would prefer to spend the first week or two as a family of three.

My Mom drives me nuts --- she's called me perhaps three times this entire pregnancy, and when we speak she only speaks about herself. She'll stress me out if she's here.

My MIL is very hands-on and calls me every week (a huge adjustment after being raised by my Mom)! She would be wonderful help after baby is born. But I don't want her to come unless I invite my Mom first, because my Mom would never forgive me.

I don't want my Dad or FIL here because I'll be recovering and learning to breastfeed. Both Dads have mentioned that they are coming regardless of our wishes. This is another reason why I would prefer to not invite anyone down.

cris01215 · July 2015

One thing I learned with my first son and I'd recommend - discuss a time limit for visitors with your spouse/significant other, also a signal for when you've had enough. Explain to him you need him to be referee and even straight up tell guests it's time to go if & when you need a break.

We figured that out after some friends came to visit and decided to just hang out FOREVER. I was too tired to even think straight at the time and my husband just didn't realize how long they had been at the house. He was more aware for me after that.

pinkspringtulip · July 2015

We're planning on allowing my parents, my sister, his parents and his brother visit us at the hospital (but we're definitely taking an hour or two just for the three of us once the baby is born). Everyone else can visit us at home after we get settled.

pandd10513 · July 2015

Only mom, MIL, and SIL are allowed to come over whenever. Everyone else will have to wait until DH is home with me. I have a giant dog and know I won't be able to handle baby and the dog. Mom, MIL and SIL are the only people that can handle the dog so they're the only ones allowed over without DH around. He only gets 3 days off from work and will be waiting til I get home from the hospital to take those days.

mers90 · July 2015

I just have a ban for children and people who smoke! My parents smoke 2 packs a day each and I hate that they always smell like cigarette, when I was pregnant with my son they smoked around me because I was living with them and he was born super skinny! So if they want to visit they need to not smoke for at least an hour before!

kmhefner01 · July 2015

My midwife puts a sign on the door with a time limit for visitors unless they are doing something to help. It also has a list of suggestions how to help. This worked well for us. Everyone followed the instructions with out me saying a word and even did some of the suggested things. All our visitors called to make sure we were up to it before they came. I never felt overwhelmed, but most of our friends and family had a bit of a drive so it may be different if it's easy for people to drop in on you.

roseec · July 2015

cris01215 said:
One thing I learned with my first son and I'd recommend - discuss a time limit for visitors with your spouse/significant other, also a signal for when you've had enough. Explain to him you need him to be referee and even straight up tell guests it's time to go if & when you need a break.

We figured that out after some friends came to visit and decided to just hang out FOREVER. I was too tired to even think straight at the time and my husband just didn't realize how long they had been at the house. He was more aware for me after that.

YES! Exactly this. Come up with a signal and let your husband deal with letting people know. We learned that the hard way when we had multiply visitors clearly (though apparently not to them) overstay their welcome. If people don't have kids, or have older kids they may just not remember/realize that visits should be short. Another good hint to people is if you take the baby to the nursery and say you're going to feed her and then you are both going to nap...people will take a hint (hopefully.) If they don't seem to...go upstairs anyway and be sure to let them know where the vacuum is! Haha

jesicabrennan · July 2015

This is a personal decision that depends on how much you like other people around (introvert/extrovert) and how helpful these visitors will be. If they'll come over, make you a sandwich, grab your baby and tell you to go take a shower and don't need you to visit or play hostess then yes, I'd say let them come. If you know they won't be helpful and expect you to chat and entertain them then no, tell them to give you a week or two.

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