October 2015 Moms

friends? what friends?

ive always had a handful of close friends that id see atleast once a week and talk to almost everyday, but as soon as I told them I was pregnant everything changed, they stopped making plans with me and eventually stopped even talking to me and make plans together without me or cancel last minute on plans we had made, it's really annoyed and upset me so I just havnt even been bothering to make an effort with them and try make plans with them anymore so I literally have no friends now and it will really annoy me that when he's born I know they will want to come over and see him when they havnt even been there through my pregnancy and I don't want that, maybe it's just hormones and I'm being a sook but surly I can't be the only one? :((

Re: friends? what friends?

  • No you aren't. Some friends true colors show when you can't drop everything for them anymore.
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  • Nope. Exact same thing happened to me, I like to think it's there issues, I think there worried pregnacy is contagious or something Lol I litterly have no one but I have enough things keeping me busy or just watching Foxtel who needs fake people anyways.
  • People are selfish!!! I'm sure we have all been selfish at one point in our lives but I think mothers and future mothers to be have this new sense of reality that it's not about us anymore and I think most people who have not experienced that have a hard time thinking outside of themselves. I have had one friend who drove over an hour to come to my house uninvited and unannounced because she was having marital issues- spent the whole day at my house we talked and vented about her issues not once did she ask me how I was or how I was feeling. She left that night and has not called or texted me once since- that was 3 months ago. It's hurtful but try to focus on the positive!
  • Your true friends will stick around no matter what. It doesn't mean they won't sometimes be too busy to hang out, or maybe make plans without you to do something they're not thinking a pregnant woman would want to do anyway (like going to a bar).

    You have to decide the extent you want these "friends" to be involved in your life, but if they're bailing on you just because you're pregnant, they're not true friends.

    On the other hand, if they feel like you don't care to be THEIR friend anymore, that may be part of why they've backed off . . . Friendship requires equal effort so if you're not making an effort, neither should they. Just food for thought.

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  • thanks everyone! I know friend ship goes both ways but i kind of took the hint when they constantly made plans with out me and even little things like comments on facebook photos saying things like "my favourite people" I guess it sounds immature now that I'm writing it out but I'm not the type of person to chase after friends or people that don't make any effort with me. I really don't want them to all of a sudden start wanting to see me and make plans all the time and see baby when he's born and I don't see how they think that's okay, I literally havnt seen them since I was about 8 weeks
  • something kind of similar happened to me. 4 years ago one of my best friends got pregnant and not that long after I found out i was pregnant. I was the maid of honor in her wedding and we were super close. We would meet up all the time and go baby shopping or just hang out, go to lunch, etc. Our girls were born 10 days apart. It was the best thing ever. We had play dates and everything. I thought our girls would be best friends like we were. After I finished grad school and got a job it became a bit harder to find time but I would seriously text her any time I had free time, offer to drive the 30 mins. to her house even. We'd make plans, she'd cancel to meet people to buy/sell baby clothes with internet strangers, go out with other friends, etc. I tried so so hard to keep our friendship going but she stopped reciprocating. I am still very upset by it all. I don't know what happened and sometimes I think about at least sending her an email to say I love you, but what's up?! Our girls are 4 now, she has a baby boy that I never met and all new friends to boot. I just don't even know... Good luck with your situation. It hurts.
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  • I think you have to have a conversation with them. If these people are really your friends and they mean a lot to you then I think making an effort to say I feel left out or have I done something to upset you can go a long way. I had a friend that felt distanced and when I asked her about it I found out that she was going through a stay at home and watch netflix phase but it seemed like she was running around with everyone else but me. So if it were me I would just ask them about it as I would rather know the truth than wonder what happened and make up stories in my head.
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