Not baby related, but need advice

ckennett62814 · July 2015

So me and my DH are headed to Ohio (12 hour drive) for a wedding on July 4th. My DH is the best man. We have already spent $150 on the wedding attire, $250 for the hotel room plus we will spend about $200 in gas to get there and back. My question is...do we still need to give a gift at the wedding? I did get them a card, and I attended her bridal shower and gave a gift. The groom was in our wedding last year and they did not give a gift or card...none of our wedding party did and I thought that was fine since they all spent money for the wedding. I just kind of assumed that the bridal party didn't give gifts since none of mine did...but should I at least get them something besides a card? I don't want to look cheap. I could probably get them something, but honestly with the baby on the way I would like to save as much as we can. Any advice would be much appreciated!

mrsb30 · July 2015

I didn't expect gifts from my bridal party since they were all spending so much time/money etc on the wedding...but being on the other end as a bridesmaid I would definitely give a gift.

Miz_Liz · July 2015

I personally have never heard of people in the wedding party not giving a gift. I always give a gift/card/money when I am invited to a wedding. Totally up to you, but I think etiquette states you give a gift.

ckennett62814 · July 2015

Okay, that's what I'm thinking. I think I will get them something small off their registry along with the card.

buckleyk · July 2015

I've never heard of the bridal party not giving a gift. We've always gotten a gift for the bride/ groom when my husband or I have been in a wedding.

Lalala2326 · July 2015

I've never heard of that either. My husband's family (like whole extended family, not just him and his parents/sister) is odd though in that if they give a gift at the shower, they don't do a seperate gift for the wedding. So in his family, you would be covered from that aspect. My family does gifts for both whether you are in the bridal party or not...

ckennett62814 · July 2015

I always give a gift (usually money) to the bride and groom when attending the wedding. I just wasn't sure if we still had to give a gift since we are traveling and already spending a bunch of money bring in the wedding. Plus, I just thought since no one in our bridal party gave us gifts that that was normal. But I have no problem giving a gift...I would feel weird not giving one I think.

dkizz82 · July 2015

If you gave at her bridal shower I wouldn't expect it at the wedding. That's just greedy.

leighalou91 · July 2015

I just went to my best friends wedding out of state and spent a lot on travel, dress, etc. I bought her a gift for her lingerie shower that was a couple days before her wedding, but didn't get her an actual wedding gift. She did the same for my wedding a couple years ago (shower gift/ no wedding gift). I was staying at her place three days leading up to her wedding helping her with lots of last minute wedding details (I even missed a bit of work to do that too). So I guess it depends on the situation and the friendship maybe?

kettlekitten · July 2015

As a bride I wouldn't expect gifts from those who travelled to attend my wedding. My wedding was a few hours drive from where we live so people had fuel and accommodation costs. Some still gave gifts and some didn't - I certainly wasn't bothered if they didn't.

Having said that, I've gotten gifts for people whose weddings I've had to travel to. The only time I didn't get one was when I had to travel to the U.S. (from Australia) especially for a wedding and I had only just started my first professional job... I figured my attendance cost me a few thousand dollars so that would suffice!!

JNOVA2015 · July 2015

We got gifts from everyone in our wedding party, and if I were in a wedding party it would never occur to me not to give a gift. It doesn't need to be the most expensive thing on the registry given how much you've otherwise spent, but I can't fathom showing up at a wedding - especially one for someone I'm close with - without more than a card in hand.

kelseyrayay · July 2015

I would give them something just because I love giving people gifts. Give them a gift card to go eat somewhere. Or a gift card to the movies. Something not expensive but they can enjoy a date night out.

GirlOnTheBeach · July 2015

I'd do a small gift. I had one friend who got married and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. In addition to actually helping pay for her engagement party, bridal shower, personal shower (bachelorette party), and taking her engagement photos, a gift was expected at each event, as well as the wedding. Most expensive wedding I've ever been in though. The bride wanted the theme of fancy wines and cheeses from around the world for her events. :-/

mrswiebe09 · July 2015

Or maybe you could go in on a gift with some or all of the rest of the bridal party.

gokahne9 · July 2015

If you gave a gift at the shower, then you are done.

Ambermom043 · July 2015

This sounds exactly like what happened to us! My husband and I were supposed to be in our friend's wedding (also in OH, 12 hours away) we had to calculate the gas, the attire, and gift. My dad lives in OH, so we would have been staying with him. However we ended up not being able to make it due to Hubby's boss taking a last minute trip. So we just got them something really nice from their registry. Good thing we were both in the wedding so it didn't throw off her bridal party! She still ended up with 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen! I probably would have still gotten her something if we had gone.. BUT, in all fairness she spent a considerable amount of time and money on my wedding last year.

hjphillips · July 2015

You gave a gift at the bridal shower, so I wouldn't spend a ton if you feel obligated to give them a gift. In my area, we've never given gifts at the wedding if we have at the shower. nobody expects it.

kedbach · July 2015

I always give a gift, even being in the bridal party. It's up to you as to what you want to give, or what your budget allows. Look at their registry and see if you can make a little basket with some of the smaller, inexpensive kitchen gadgets?

JNOVA2015 · July 2015

Just out of curiosity, where do all the people live who are saying if you gavea shower gift you're done? I've never ever heard that, and am curious if it's regional. The shower and wedding are separate events and I've always given a gift for each (and a small gift for the engagement party), whether I'm in the bridal party or not. Different events = different gifts. We also got both a shower and wedding gift from everyone who came to our shower, I think. I grew up and got married in the Midwest, but now live in the mid-Atlantic and that's been the custom both places.

countryrhodes90 · July 2015

I agree, get them something small off the registry, or if you are creative, make a gift! Weddings are so expensive. My husband ia a groomsman in two weddings this fall and I'm a bridesmaid in one. Plus we have several others to attend. We're gonna go broke

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Thj417 · July 2015

No, you do not have to give a gift. None of my wedding party gave me a gift (and they were all local and we paid for their hotel). Well, aside from my brother in law (best man). But I think that was more of a family thing since his older brother was finally settling down lol!

Have a great time and don't worry about it

jessandandy09 · July 2015

The wedding party is not expected to give a gift. Their gift is supposed to be the support and expense of helping you with your wedding.

*Side note* one of my favorite gifts at our wedding was a good friend/coworker of mine brought hundreds of jello shots (she even made little labels on the cups that said Jess and Andy) that we could share with everyone. Needless to say, a good time was had by all :-)

taylorharber1108 · July 2015

I would say since you already have a gift a wedding gift isn't needed.

kedbach · July 2015

With that said, I didn't EXPECT anyone to give me gifts, but most (all but one) gave gifts, whether it was large or small, registry or not, they still gifted. I just feel etiquette says you need to gift, despite spending money travel and bridal party costs, you're clearly a big part of their lives, I'd feel weird not giving them a gift.

hclzmm14 · July 2015

Can you ask other people in the wedding party what they are doing? I would say you don't have to give a gift. Usually the bride and groom get you a gift. So it wouldn't make sense for you to give one. But you could always give a small or sentimental gift if you'd like. Or a nice bottle of champagne to have put in their room when they arrive to the hotel?

ChanelLovesB · July 2015

I would give a gift. No matter what anyone else does. Doesn't have to be their big ticket items. But I always give a gift.

hjphillips · July 2015

@JNOVA2015 I'm from southern Indiana. I agree that they're two separate events, but the bridal shower is considered a celebration of the wedding in my area, so typically expecting gifts at your shower and your wedding is considered tacky here. I understand that things are different in different areas, but gosh, I can't imagine expecting people to spend money to buy me a gift for two different occasions that are basically celebrating the same event. Especially if they're coming from out of state.

Just an opinion, though. Not saying I'm right and everyone else is wrong. The difference in tradition could totally even stem from the fact that I grew up in an area that used to be populated primarily by farmers and other low-income workers, as well.

ckennett62814 · July 2015

Thanks for all the great advice everybody!! And I am from Vermont and typically you give a gift at the bridal shower and usually money at the wedding. But I don't think a lot of the bridal party usually gives gifts or money at the wedding...I think I will get something small just to be safe. I do like to give gifts too.

irohspupil · July 2015

I'm from Texas. When I got married, I don't remember getting any gifts/money at the actual ceremony, but I did have a bridal shower and got a ton of stuff from that. For my friend's wedding, the same thing happened.

Either way, I think a small gift is just fine if you want to bring a gift.

shmarpler · July 2015

I'm from the west coat, but now live on the east coast. Generally one gift is the norm.

Joie80 · July 2015

I'd give a gift. Traditionally bridal shower gifts are more personal (i.e. lingerie) and wedding gifts more along the lines of money or household items.

Saratiff · July 2015

I live in ct and Ma we do gifts at the shower and cash or a gift for the wedding. Separate events so separate gifts.

lethanne · July 2015

Give a gift but make it thoughtful and sentimental versus spending a lot. Put together a creative small gift baskets of kitchen accessories for example. Maybe an engraved frame. Be creative but do something.

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