Mother in law issues

Re: Mother in law issues

• stickybun14 member

  July 2015

  Ask her if she had her MIL in the room with her birth/s? Or just say 'of course you'll be one of the first visitors once the baby is born'. Is there a rule at the hospital that maybe limits your support partners to just 3 people?
  
  I couldn't imagine anyone other than my husband in the room.
  
  Good luck!!
  

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• Melissadmag member

  July 2015

  How many people are even allowed in the room during the birth? Some hospitals max out birth room people at 2 or 3....So you might be at the maximum amount allowed anyway ( or this could be a great white lie to use). Perhaps let her know quite firmly that of course she will be notified as soon as you're in labor and be the first visitor in the room once the baby is born. Hint hint, not in the room during the birth. Hopefully she picks up on it. 

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• AlejandraN2 member

  July 2015

  Maybe she didn't mean IN the actual room, but at the hospital during birth. Either way, this is totally up to you. You can have your husband call her at some point when you're in labor and he can give her updates while she waits outside. I doubt she'll try to force herself in the room and plus the nurses can just do the job for you and say that only X # of people are allowed. 

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• kdoak2015 member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  I let my DH deal with any mil issues, I don't have time for that kinda stuff and don't need the stress. Its his mother he can deal with it, just like if there is an issue with my parents I'll deal with it.

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• misamima member

  July 2015

  kdoak2015 said:

  I let my DH deal with any mil issues, I don't have time for that kinda stuff and don't need the stress. Its his mother he can deal with it, just like Its if there is an issue with my parents I'll deal with it.

  
  All of this.

  DH always speaks to his parents with any and all issues. Mainly because my delivery tends to come off harsh because I don't beat around the bush and his mom is super sensitive. So it's best he deals with it, just like I deal with my parents when it comes to them.

  
  
  

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• littlebitmom member

  July 2015

  My MIL said the same thing! Luckily, my FIL immediately said, that's a lot to ask and the topic has not been brought up again. I love what a PP said about asking if her MIL was in the room.

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• cdv2015 member

  July 2015

  Maybe she doesn't understand that it is different when it isn't HER daughter in the delivery room. Labor and delivery isn't only about the baby. It is about the wellbeing and health of the one laboring and delivering, as well. I have had two csections (this will be my third). Each time, only my husband was allowed in. After delivery, the first two visitors I had? MY parents. My daddy (I am an ultimate daddy's girl) will be the first one to tell you, "you can see the baby in a little bit. I'm going to check on MY baby".
  
  As for intrusive mils.. I had a miscarriage October 2014. Before I could even announce the pregnancy well, mine said, "WE are going to name HIM [insert first (her father's name) and middle (my husband's name)] and call him (her grandfather's nickname)". That's when you just shake your head and walk away.

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• GardenMama116 member

  July 2015

  Everyone's level of comfort is different. My brother's girlfriend had my brother, her mom, and my mom in the delivery room when my nephew was born. There is NO way my mom will be in the delivery room with me - it'll be hubby and friend/birth coach.
  
  I hope your MIL is understanding of your desires.

  

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• grkgdss00 member

  July 2015

  Maybe she just meant at the hospital, not in the room. Just be clear as to your plans, it is what it is.

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• maui2ks member

  July 2015

  My MIL is meddlesome and has been since we had our first child. I voiced my hospital room wishes to my husband, mother, and nurses. My DD birth was rough and I was in no condition to mess with unnecessary hovering by my MIL. Luckily, my DH and nurses were able to keep the meddling and hovering to a minimum. The labor and delivery are to be shared with the people you have chosen.

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• BP1979 member

  July 2015

  I'm having the SAME issue! MIL and I do NOT get along. She is very overbearing and thinks her way is the only right way to do anything. Hubby and I are visiting his family for the 4th this weekend and it's also his hs reunion. He went alone tonight because I'm brain dead after about 8pm, and the minute he left his mother started telling me about how she's going to be coming down IMMEDIATELY when the baby is born AND for 2+ weeks at Christmas. My mother is a missionary in Guatemala and is coming up for 10 days around the due date. I told MIL that MY mother was going to be in town, and she says, but we HAVE to see the baby right when it's born. I said, not much will change in the two weeks from the due date until Christmas. She just cackled and said we'll seeee... So she seriously thinks she's coming from OH to NC TWICE in the same month?! She's off her rocker! Hubby better straighten this out tomorrow or I may lose my sh*t!!! Yes she's the grandmother and I want her there in the early days. But it's still MY body and MY baby! And I don't feel comfortable with her hovering around the day I give birth while I'm recovering, dealing with bodily fluids, trying to learn how to breast feed! It's just do invasive to me. Yes everyone wants to see the baby, but seeing the baby at 2 days vs. 2 weeks is not that different! It will still be tiny and cute and snuggly. Ahhhh!

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• Rratledge member

  July 2015

  If it's not sorted out before you get to the hospital, the nurses will likely help you out. At my hospital they had a code, if a mother asked for a blue Popsicle, the nurses would come up with a reason that they needed visitors to leave.

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• kcas123 member

  July 2015

  I had a similar situation with my SO mother. She made a comment that she wanted to be in the room when the baby is born. I had a sit down talk with her and simply explained that while I understand where she's coming from, during labor it will just be my mom and my SO. At that point they aren't in there for the baby, they're in the room for YOU, to be your support team for however long it may take during labor. As soon as the baby comes, my mom will leave the room so me and my SO can bond with the baby for a while, and then everyone can come back to meet the baby. After I explained it to her that way she was pretty understanding (or at least pretended to be.)

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• 4puddleducks member

  July 2015

  For DS's birth, it was a medical induction at 35 weeks. We weren't sure how long I would be in labor, so we sent everyone home. We knew with DS being early and small that the delivery room was going to have extra medical personnel. It was less stressful for me knowing that everyone was at home and no one was sitting somewhere in the hospital uncomfortably waiting for me to give birth. We called the new grandparents (they were together) to announce his arrival once he was whisked off to the NICU. They all came about an hour after that.

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• Kmadho member

  July 2015

  Labor and delivery nurses are great. I would let them be the one to handle it. I would let the nurse know who you want in the room and let her take care of making all other visitors leave when it is time. That way you and your support team don't have to be the mean ones during your special time.
  
  I used this technique when I needed a nap during my first labor. I told the nurse I needed 2-3 hours of just me and my husband. She kicked about 10 visitors out. It was nice

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