Not wanting mother in law in room

katiegrit · June 2015

this is my first pregnancy and I only want my mother and boyfriend in the room but his mom is insisting on being there. She wants to be called as soon as I go into labor and be there the whole time. She's the very clingy type but doesn't contribute anything but horror stories and rude comments to my pregnancy. How do I tell her I don't want her in the room when I know she's expecting to be in there with us? I don't want to hurt her feelings but she's been on my very last nerve lately.

tpally6212 · June 2015

Honestly you just have to come right out and tell her. Say you are not comfortable with so many people in the room and that she needs to respect your boundaries. Your boyfriend needs to be on your side as well, you are the one giving birth and you need to be as comfortable as possible, If she wants to be called when you go into labor that's fine but she can wait in the waiting room with the rest of your family. Most hospitals don't allow more then 2 people in the delivery room anyways. I'm a FTM too and I already know I'm going to be nervous about giving birth, so having that extra stress is something I wouldn't tolerate. Good Luck!

jencook25 · June 2015

Just tell her! My mother in law (who i love dearly, but she can be very pushy) asked how soon she is able to come and stay after we have the baby. We live about 2000kms apart at the moment. She would be there a week before i was due if i said she could! I thanked for her support, but said i would let you know when im ready for visitors-probably a week or two after coming home. Yes, she was dissapointed, but she was also understanding. I dont want to feel crammed or like shes judging my mothering skills, while im a FTM and still figuring out which way is up. Also, i wont be secretly resenting her for years for ruining the experience of having my first baby by her pushing herself on me.

TacoSarah · June 2015

As PPers have said, either just tell her or use the hospital rules on number of companions being limited to 2 as an excuse (it could be a legitimate reason - might be worth checking).

If she insists on being in the waiting room it might be worth letting the nurses know that she is not allowed in your room just in case she tries to barge in anyways.

SaltyMcNulty · June 2015

TacoSarah said:

As PPers have said, either just tell her or use the hospital rules on number of companions being limited to 2 as an excuse (it could be a legitimate reason - might be worth checking).
If she insists on being in the waiting room it might be worth letting the nurses know that she is not allowed in your room just in case she tries to barge in anyways.

This - my hospital only allowed one person (unless you were using a doula, then doula + support partner) in the room.

kalina27 · June 2015

I would definitely tell her how you feel. You are giving birth and she should respect your wishes. I made it clear from early on what my wishes were. My husband made them clear to MIL. I felt bad at first but now I don't. We need to think of us first and not have regrets. The day my MIL is in the room with me is the day that my husband has to drop his pants in front of my mother

lol. Do what you feel is best for you!!

jerseygirl227 · June 2015

I'd just be honest and firm with her. I'm a FTM, but, from what I understand, all modesty goes out the window during the birthing process. Tell her you're just not comfortable with more than your BF and mom in there.

My future SIL wanted to come visit and stay with us (she lives out of state) right after LO arrives. I told my fiance' numerous times I didn't think I was comfortable with that. He kept saying I'd/we'd be fine. It wasn't until I broke down one night, cried and told him I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I couldn't do it that he finally got it.

MummyMegs · June 2015

She needs to be kindly but firmly told nope, tht's not the birth plan. And guess whose job it is to tell her that?? Your boyfriend's!! Is it mainly coming from you? Sure. But he needs to be on your side in this, and in my experience, you deal with your parents and he with his. This way you appear as a united front, and avoid her assuming you're calling all shots.

FemNik214 · July 2015

I love what the previous posters said, blame hospital policy, and let your nurse be the bad guy, you shouldn't have to show your hoo-haa to your MIL! Absolutely not! Husband needs to definitely step in and tell his mom to back off, if he's not on your side then you can tell him you'll make him wait in the waiting room too!

Jazmym · July 2015

I told my husbands side of the family and my own that it's only going to be him and I at the hospital. With our first daughter there were so many people in and out that i felt like i was on display! I regret not telling people no... You need to do what will make you comfortable, relaxed and not what will keep others happy...even if they are family.

NurseRieger · July 2015

It's not unfair to have ur mom but not MIL there. Ur mom is the 1 who raised u, comforted u growing up so it's totally different. Ur husband needs to tell her she can wait in the waiting room, she's not missing out. I've assisted on a few deliveries when I was in nursing school and I honestly think a lot of people just want to see the freak show. A lot of hospitals do have limited visitor policies and for good reasons.

907_baby · July 2015

I agree with pp. When we had our first, both sets of grandparents lived within 25 minutes of our hospital. I told DH that I was considering inviting my mom to be in the delivery room, but that I didn't want to extend that to his mom. He told me flat out that it was "my who - ha, my decision." Thankfully my MIL does know boundaries (most of the time), but it helps to have DH on your side! Definitely check into your hospital's policy for # of people in the delivery room, it couldn't hurt.

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