Feel awful for feeling like this...

Re: Feel awful for feeling like this...

• WDDCH member

  June 2015

  If this is your first I can tell you that nothing is like your first pregnancy. In subsequent pregnancies you already identify as a mother so it's not all new and different anymore. You'll feel better and more like yourself soon. But yeah, I'd recommend you go do something you enjoy doing, a hobby or sit at a coffeehouse with a good book.

  

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• tlc11934 member

  July 2015

  It's a difficult transition for sure. I did not feel like "me" again for about a year after having DD1. Do as many things for yourself as you can - mani's, pedi's, buy some accessories, get a massage or facial, go to lunch with friends. Enjoy this "alone time" before the baby comes. Try not to think too much.

  

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• jbettles member

  July 2015

  WDDCH said:

  If this is your first I can tell you that nothing is like your first pregnancy. In subsequent pregnancies you already identify as a mother so it's not all new and different anymore. You'll feel better and more like yourself soon. But yeah, I'd recommend you go do something you enjoy doing, a hobby or sit at a coffeehouse with a good book.

  This, exactly! This is #2 for me. Besides complaining quite a bit of my symptoms to hubs (so I don't drive everyone else nuts), my life is pretty balanced around work, hobbies, DD1, traveling and visiting family, watching movies, etc. You will get your identity back, I promise! And it's okay to let baby/pregnancy consume your life a little, it's a major life change, so that's totally normal!!!

  

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• surprisepkg31 member

  July 2015

  I can definitely relate. First of all I don't think you should feel bad. This is really hard for anyone,.especially because it's completely foreign and stressful. This pregnancy was a hug surprise for m, rocked my world and changed all if my plans that I've been working towards for 5 years! I cried every day for a month because I was so sad and mad. I smoked on top of it. So I felt like I had to hand over my life and habits overnight. I wasn't going to have kids. Anyway, I'm still working through it. I find Journaling does.help, as well as making as many girl dates as possible with friends. Making sure my husband and I go try new restaurants. Lol yes baby talk is constant, I would.be annoyed with me if I wasn't me. But it is what it is. One day I will be back on a patio w my old body, having some wine and laughing at how scared I was. We are all going to be just fine. Hugz!

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• thefuturemrsdaniel member

  July 2015

  I have tried so hard not to lose myself this time with my second. This has meant putting way more effort into what I wear to make me feel more like my old self. Trying to daydream about the old me so I don't forget. I also have a part time retail job that was a good distraction until I started looking pregnant and now I talk about it my entire shift with my customers. I told my husband tonight that my customers probably know more about this pregnancy than anyone else. Mainly cause I have to explain why I can't remember the word license.... prego brain is no joke haha

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• kalina27 member

  July 2015

  I've been feeling the same exact way! This is my first, too. It was kind of getting me down. I am so happy to have a little one inside me but I feel like I'm not the same person I was before. I think it takes time. So much as changed (including our bodies) in such a short time. Hang in there

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• melliebellie81 member

  July 2015

  Thank god other women feel this way. I had a hard time adjusting for awhile. I saw how my friends turned into crazy mom monsters and I swore that life was never for me. No mom haircut, no minivan, yes I'll still go out for a glass of wine, no, I won't compete for "whose baby rolled over first".
  
  I love that I'm having a baby girl, and never not wanted her, but adjusting to the fact I'll be a mother was tough. Now I'm ok with it. I talked to a counsellor, and realised I can do pregnancy and motherhood MY way, regardless of what people try to suggest you should do!
  
  Plus, once she arrives, I know I'll adjust just fine

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• WDDCH member

  July 2015

  Really great points above. Love the "no mom haircut" comment lol. Seriously though, don't let yourself go. You can have pajama days, especially while still recovering. But once you've settled into a routine be sure to try to get dressed in something comfortable, but not frumpy, and put on some lipgloss or whatever. You will feel more human and put together even if you're not leaving the house.
  
  I personally let my wardrobe go out the window in the past few years and during this pregnancy I took a chunk of my money, that I was putting toward a vehicle, and bought myself flattering clothes to wear now and after birth. Feeling better about myself was more important than a vehicle (though we DO need that but just have to save a little longer).

  

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• thinkpink101 member

  July 2015

  I can relate too. I hate being the center of attention everywhere we go. My pregnancy shouldn't overshadow someone's birthday etc. but that's how it feels. I answer briefly and then steer the conversation to the other person/other topics. Honestly I've felt lost for the past 10+ years. Once we had three kids under 18 months, I stopped being me and started being mom. I had to get rid of my convertible and get a minivan. There was no more time for Girls Night Out or date nights. I had hoped that as the boys got older it would be easier to get back to also being my own person, but they all have special needs and occupy literally all of my time with their meltdowns, dr appointments, counseling, extra help etc. They take much more of my time now than they did when they were babies. I don't even know how I'm going to add a 4th boy to our crazy household (not planned). We don't have any family to help out, and they are too much for most sitters, so dh and I never go out on dates, and if I see friends, 99% of the time the boys come with me.

  I was reading The Aviator's Wife and there was a quote in there that struck a chord in me;

  "Yet motherhood had brought me down to earth with a thud, and kept me there with tentacles made of diapers and tears and lullabies and phone calls and car pools...Would I ever be able to soar again?"

  
  

  
  

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• emzrankin member

  July 2015

  It is lovely to read that I am not the only one to feel this way. I know we all love our babies, we just also love having our own identity too. I keep telling myself 9 more weeks and I can play Mummy with baby but when I pop out on my own I can be me. x

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• melliebellie81 member

  July 2015

  I've been buying "after she's born" clothes too! Sort of an incentive to get back in shape and also to look forward to the day I wear jeans that have a zipper and button again )

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• Alsone member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  Yes I can relate too, 1st time round it was all about the baby., This time I have a 7 year old and 2 cats and a much more interesting life so I am not consumed by this pregnancy. Having said that, I am allowing myself to completely enjoy it this time, rather than fear and worry and unknown like last time. Talk to a professional or someome you trust about your feelings. I felt like this and it ended up getting to post natal depression. so be open about it and like others have said, try to find a hobby that you love and can focus on, and focus on yourself! You never stop being you, just a different version of you. Good luck and be kind to yourself xx

  
  

  I found this article recently which sums it up perfectly, take the time to have a look if you can .... parental stress dot com dot au losing yourself to mother hood

  
  

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• itsasapphire member

  July 2015

  I'm so glad you posted this. I've been feeling really down but couldn't quite put it in words why or how I felt. This. This is it.
  
  My first pregnancy was totally different and I felt more myself than I had ever before. I finally felt whole and like I had found my purpose. My baby literally completed me. I was so terrified to have her because then I wouldn't feel that way anymore. But that was not the case, she still makes me feel just as wonderful and whole and complete.
  
  But this pregnancy I feel like I've completely lost myself. I have no hobbies, practically no friends, I don't feel pretty (like I did with my first) and just recently became a full time stay at home mom. So no job, no personal income, no reason to get up and dressed, no one needs me (except my daughter), I just feel useless to the adult world. I stayed home for a few months with DD but I had a date to go back to work and that was reassuring that I had purpose and reason. My job is asking for me to go back in November but DH wants me to stay home which makes a lot of sense to not pay for childcare if we can afford not to, I don't make a lot of money at my job so it's basically a hobby with a paycheck.
  
  I just need an adult day where I can use bad words and not consistently teach lessons and manors and just let loose, have a cocktail, wear too much make up, dress sexy, stay up too late, sleep in, idk just something. I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore. I feel incredibly guilty for feeling that way especially because I didn't feel at all like this with my first.
  
  Thanks for letting me vent. You're not alone.

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• callistosmile member

  July 2015

  This pregnancy wasn't planned for us either, so it's definitely been an adjustment. We've done a lot of "growing up" in the last six months, that's for sure! It feels like a good thing, but some days I just want to be carefree and irresponsible and plan awesome vacations instead of putting money towards emergency baby savings. I'm so full of joy to be starting a family with the wonderful man who knocked me up, but to be honest, I don't feel like we were ready yet. I'm 26 and he's 29, and we were definitely suffering from, or perhaps enjoying too much lol, the delayed adulthood that a lot of our generation is experiencing too. I guess I don't really feel like the baby is making me feel less like myself, I'm more scared that we aren't ready for the responsibility.

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