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November 2015 Moms
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Time to cut the umbilical cord from my Mother

jelopez1jelopez1 member
in November 2015 Moms
911! My mother is being so bossy with registry stuff! She was a Momzilla during wedding planning so I should have seen this coming. She told me she doesn't like the crib my husband and I have decided on nor the bedding colors nor the fact that we added baby detergent to the list. "I'm not spending thousands of dollars for people to buy you tacky detergent!" She's a real piece of work! I told her to stop checking the registry if she's going to criticize our decisions. Can't stand her controlling ways hence it's time to cut the umbilical cord from my Mother! Haha Any advice on how to handle her? It's stressful :(
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Re: Time to cut the umbilical cord from my Mother

  • katiedhunterkatiedhunter member
    Maybe just stop talking to her for a bit, and if she asks why tell her you didn't appreciate her behaviour. I'm kind of trying this with my mom right now, so I'll let you know how it works.
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  • lakesideknitterlakesideknitter member
    I dealt with this a bit with my mom during my wedding planning. You honestly have to put your foot down. Tell her this is not her baby, and you will ask her for help or advice when you need it. She'll be very upset, but she'll come around. Also, what is she spending thousands of dollars on? Your shower? Holy smokes!
    Me: 28, DH: 40
    Married 9/28/13
    DS born 11/12/15
    EDD 8/13/18
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  • JennsouleJennsoule member
    Ok so I'm going to share this with you. If your mother is anything like mine it's always been this way. It will never change. I know it's not a nice way to put it but it's true. My mother told me today she has ordered me a new car seat/stroller. I have one that I planned to use it just needs to be cleaned up. But no she has taken apone herself to pick it out. So my hope is she bought it from some online store I can exchange it if I want. And yes I will take back a gift if I don't like it because I didn't need or want it. This is my 5th child and no matter what she thinks I am an adult (38) and if I do want it I can buy it. Good luck with yours because mine has been my whole life and it can be stressful to deal with.
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  • AshleeM7784AshleeM7784 member
    I think it's really smart of you to recognize the issue and try to sort it out now before the baby comes. I can tell you from experience that it is important to set up healthy boundaries when you have a baby on the way because it will only get worse once baby is born.

    I remind my mom that her job and a parent is done and now she gets to relax and be a grandma. That means she just gets to have fun and spoil the kids. And since I'm the one who now has the parenting responsibilities, I also get to make all the major decisions regarding them. I appreciate her help and generosity, but ultimately I am in charge. She had her turn (and did a great job!) and now it's my turn. I've found that this usually works well with my mom and keeps the conversation pretty positive.

    Hope that helps!
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  • VexyMommyVexyMommy member
    jelopez1 said:
    911! My mother is being so bossy with registry stuff! She was a Momzilla during wedding planning so I should have seen this coming. She told me she doesn't like the crib my husband and I have decided on nor the bedding colors nor the fact that we added baby detergent to the list. "I'm not spending thousands of dollars for people to buy you tacky detergent!" She's a real piece of work! I told her to stop checking the registry if she's going to criticize our decisions. Can't stand her controlling ways hence it's time to cut the umbilical cord from my Mother! Haha Any advice on how to handle her? It's stressful :(
    I'd tell her she could keep her money and buy you a thing of detergent if she's that worried about it.  She had her chance at having children and doing it her way.  It's now your turn.  She can accept it and come along for the ride or she can sit out on the sidelines of your family's life.  Those are her choices.  If you're not ready to do something like that, and actually stick to it then you just have to nod and smile and deal.
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